Comment from a friend irritated me... Help me unpick my thoughts

[CheesyBadger]

Out with friends yesterday and I comment that I am doing 1 day fast a week. I have done this for a long time and as a particularly windy person feel it helps maintains my digestion and keep painful bloating at bay. I didn't initially explain my reasons, just noted that tomorrow I am looking forward to fasting.

Friend comments 'oh babe, you do know you don't need to don't you? You look great as you are'

Irritated me. Why? I think because she assumed I was having body confidence issues and was doing it for weight loss. Also the general tendency to comment on diet and weight which I hate.

I feel this is a feminist issue and I struggle with the tide of weight related comments. Saying I don't need to is very patronising as she has no idea if why I may find a fast cleansing.

Help me understand why I feel like this please! So irritated by it and can't articulate why

[CheesyBadger]

And also, I am overweight, and would be healthier a few stone lighter, so her comment is a bit misguided either way you look at it. I know it is ok to be my size, but it is also ok to want to be smaller, or bigger, or healthier... My preference is always based on how I feel, and I feel bloaty not fat or self conscious

[CheesyBadger]

Popping out for a few hours - look forward to reading your comments

[Coughle]

I think you have articulated it very well here. I have a similar response when people comment on how quickly I lost my baby weight but it's hard to respond without sounding prickly or rude, so I usually just mutter something.

[DonkeySkin]

I've noticed that women often bond via extremely personal talk over bodies. So in a way it sounds like your friend was trying to create intimacy with you by taking the conversation in that direction.

Sometimes I'll be in a conversation with a group of female friends where everyone goes into extraordinary detail about hair removal or weight.

It's almost like some secret qualification for the girl club: we know we are defined by our bodies, so we bond by commiserating with one another over how disobedient they are, or we express friendship by assuring each other that they are acceptable.

What I'm saying is I suspect she was trying to bond with you rather than patronise you. But I can well understand why you found it patronising, because it is demeaning on some level that we talk like this to one another.

[CheesyBadger]

Yes, I agree, well said. I also agree she thought she was paying me the ultimate compliment. She is lovely, but the discussion of bodies and the assumption that we all need reassurances and analysis irritates me.

[FuckOffWeasel]

The constant focus on weight is a feminist issue, and I think also fad diets are, which is, tbf on your friend, is what most people associate with fasting. I can see a friend being concerned if they thought you were doing it?

Also if you are going to comment on your unusual dieting habits she may have assumed it was there for discussion.

I'd cut her some slack and I am normally the first to say"sexist".

[CheesyBadger]

Yes I thought that actually, that I was the one who brought it up and may have looked like I was fishing for compliments. My friends do this a lot but honestly I wasn't. I said it off the cuff, sort of thinking out loud.

I hate that fasting is now a 'thing' as some of us have been doing it for a while and not for weight reasons. There are so many benefits to health.