Raising a DS

[Queenkong]

I have a 3 month old DS - my first baby. Obviously, his current priorities are hand sucking, drooling and my boobs but looking ahead I'd be interested to know how others have managed to encourage their little boys to grow up respecting women and not objectifying them. I'd imagine it's quite tricky in this age of nuts magazine, MTV, towie etc dominating popular culture.

What do you think are the key messages to deliver early on and what is the best way of doing this without sounding preachy?

Thanks.

[edd1337]

Don't indoctrinate him with propoganda for a start. Tell him no means no and women are to be respected and not looked down upon as a bit of T&A

I know this advice is probably painstakingly obvious and you probably thought of it earlier, been up since 6:30 and really tired >_

[MarginallyNarkyPuffin]

One of the easiest ways is by modeling the things you want him to know. If you want him to see that housework, cooking and childcare isn't 'women's work' then, if you live with a man, make sure that he sees you sharing those chores and responsibilities. If he grows up seeing a man cook, hoover and look after him that will be normal for him. And involve him in tidying/cleaning/cooking at a level he can cope with. Give him a duster when he's toddling so he can 'help'. Let him wash the vegetables with you.

If you want him to treat women with respect let him see you treated with respect. Don't let yourself be put down in front of him even if it's done in a jokey way. If he sees you being treated as 'lesser' or your opinions and needs being treated as unimportant then that will affect his view of women.

I'm sure people will give you links to books and articles that can help.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Well, my sons are nearly 11 and just 8, so they don't have access to Nuts mags etc yet, and have no interest in music videos. I think you can make sure that they grow up with respect for all people by just leading by example. They see that I'm a SAHM, but that a lot of their friends' mums work. They see their father cleaning the loo, ironing, helping them with their homework etc. So I like to think that they don't see any role as being gender specific, iyswim. I discuss issues wth them as they come up, so for example if there is a story on the news that they hear about DV, I will explain to them what it is and how awful it is. They have chores around the house, and the eldest can now make a perfect cup of tea . Also, when they're older, if they bring 'lads mags' in to my house, or treat their girlfriends in a less than respectful way, I will kick their arse. But I don't think they will, because they aren't being raised in a way that suggests they are entitled to. And yes, I have my fingers crossed as I even type this.

[joaninha]

I find one of the biggest challenges about having a DS is how to deal with those awful formulaic Hollywood movies that treat girls as if they are inconsequential. I find it almost impossible to sit there watching and not say anything but at the same time I don't want to ruin his enjoyment of the film.

I had to make a comment about Bee Movie though - because they had written girls out to the point of factual inaccuracy.

Does anyone else have this problem?

[Grumpla]

My son is 2.3 and one of the things I do at the moment is re-assign gender as I read books to him. So half the builders / pilots / firefighters etc are women. He totally accepts this as normal at the moment (I have short hair so doesn't tend to make the "long hair lady" / "short hair man" distinction and it helps me feel as though I am wrestling a tiny bit of control back from all that conditioning!

He is now adamant that only mummies can drive helicopters (although only daddies can drive cars...) so not sure how successful this has been in terms of teaching him that anyone can do anything!