I'm so sick of my cycle and the mental torture that goes with it!

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

I'm really just here to rant.

I'm late, again. 2 days with no signs of anything starting. Another pregnancy would be the end of the world. This is the 4th time this year I've been here. Torturing myself waiting for my period or a positive test so I can sort it out.
It's utterly miserable. I can't tolerate any contraceptive options (believe me I've tried them all) so we use condoms but that's how 2 of the children were conceived.
We have 4, one of which is severely unwell long term and needs huge amount of care.
We have a house that's too small, no time, no money. Another pregnancy isn't possible.
We can't afford for DH to have a vasectomy and they won't do it on the NHS (which I understand) and I'm not a candidate for tubal ligation.

I'm losing the plot. All tests thankfully coming back negative but still, lack of AF.

[wingingatlife]

Why not on the nhs?

My dh saw the GP last month and was referred straight away, saw the consultant for initial consultation today and is booked in for next week. Very straightforward process if you want it to be.

[QueenoftheNights]

It's actually normal to have slight variations each month- 5 days either way would still be considered normal.

Condoms are effective if you use them so they don't split and you use them before any contact at all between P and V- even just fumbling about where you touch each other ,as sperm is released during foreplay.

What about the coil?
Double up with diaphram maybe and condoms?

Avoid mid cycle ovulation days as well?

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

We've been told that DH is too young (32) and that they're phasing our performing them on the NHS as there are so many other alternatives. 

I have tried the Marina coil and I have ain't history of blood clots and very heavy bleeding and anaemia so can't have combined pill or copper coil. I am registered with my GP as being intolerant to progesterone so they don't prescribe anything with it in. The GP and family planning nurse have both said there are no more options.
DH is always careful with condoms and he doesn't go near me unclothed until it's on and checked and it's always checked for leaks and holes (sorry for tmi!)

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Sorry forgot to add, I would like to use natural methods and timing combined with condoms (as in using them all the time and abstaining completely during fertile times) it's hard to do when I have times like this though where there's no regularity.

[wingingatlife]

Abstinence.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Seems to be the way forward. 

[QueenoftheNights]

when you say you are registered as being intolerant to progestogen, does that include the Mirena? What happened when you tried it? Did you have side effects that were intolerable?

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

I was actually ok on the Merina but I fell pregnant on it and it got imbedded so I had to have a very traumatic surgery to have it removed.
I have had the implant and bled the whole time, gained 3 stone despite eating well and enduring the constant crippling stomach 'hunger' cramps and my mental health went to dangerous places (suicidal thoughts and psychosis) I have used the POP before and not realised how awful my MH was until I've come off of it.

[Honey2468]

What if you used a diaphragm and condoms? Surely nothing would get past both. Also the combined pill usually lightens bleeding, you just have to find the right one

[Honey2468]

Sorry I just re read that about the blood clots

[QueenoftheNights]

Sterilisation.

If you already have 4 children, never want any more whatever happens, can't use hormonal birth control, have a high failure rate with other methods- why can't you be sterilised? Is it an age issue?

You also need to re-asses use of condoms. Unless they are bursting, your partner is doing something wrong or they are not being used all of the time , carefully, every time you go near each other! The only way they fail is if they burst - so then you'd use the morning after pill- or they are not used all the time, or they are not use properly.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

The Dr said I can't be sterilised because such a high instance of women end up coming back and being given the coil afterwards due to problems wit heavy bleeding, she said "no competent doctor would put you forward as a candidate for this procedure." DH has asked for Vasectomy and been turned away due to age but we're trying to save for a private one.

I don't know what happens WR to condom failures, although saying that 5 days late and tests are still bfn so no idea what's going on.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

I also want to say, I'm not just knocking back all suggestions. I have spent lengthy appointment with our women's doctor and our family planning/ sexual health nurse and have been on all safe varieties of contraception.
My post was really a terrified rant, going through this several times a year is torture and I fear for my MH the longer it goes on.

[QueenoftheNights]

I think you need a different dr or make your partner wear tight underpants!

Seriously, never heard of women not being sterilised due to it making their periods heavy and then needing the coil.

You need another opinion from a different dr because it's crazy that in 2018 you are left with unwanted pregnancies because nothing suits you. Also, just because 1 coil migrated doesn't mean another would.

But, your partner needs to re-assess his condom use. It's a barrier method so if the barriers not working it's either a faulty condom which you'd see, or he's leaking as he's not withdrawing soon enough after using it, or you are both taking the odd risk and not using it every time.