Crappest blurbs!

[StuffezLaYoni]

Ok admittedly it's free on Kindle, but does this not just smack of a book that's going to be wrong in every single way?! I really should not download it... Anyone else better that one??

?I think something might have happened to me Saturday night. Something bad.?

Private Investigator Dani Ripper?s client list is nuttier than the Looney Tunes conga line, but she diligently solves one crazy case after another, waiting for a game-changer.

Enter Riley Freeman, 17-year-old honor student.

Saturday afternoon Riley quietly placed a little strawberry sticker on her private area and pretended it was a tattoo. She didn?t tell anyone about it. That night she went to a slumber party that featured drinking and boys. Riley fell asleep, woke up the next day with no reason to think anything happened?

?Until Monday, at school, when a classmate called her Strawberry.

Coincidence or crime? Dani agrees to investigate. And the roller coaster ride begins.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Please, please tell me you didn't download it yoni.

[StuffezLaYoni]

No, I didn't, I couldn't bear it! I really want to download the new Nicci French book but that will have to wait for Friday (payday!)

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Never read any Nicci French, are they any good?

[StuffezLaYoni]

Yeah not bad actually for bog standard crime thriller. Much better than much of the implausible drivel out there. Have you read any Harlan Coben or Richard Montanari?

[SarahAndFuck]

I bought that one on the recommendation of a friend.

And I didn't read the blurb first.

Which is a shame, because the blurb is the best bit of writing for the entire book. It was awful from beginning to end.

I can beat it as a bad blurb though.

Stant Litore?s The Zombie Bible retells biblical tales and ancient history as episodes in humanity?s long struggle with hunger ? and with the hungry dead.

God is weeping behind her veil in the Temple while the dead are eating her city alive, and her words are coming out through the mouth of her prophet Yirmiyahu. The king and the priesthood don?t like what he has to say, so they?ve thrown Yirmiyahu down a dry well, and once a day, his gaolers toss a zombie in after him. During the three days of this story, the prophet will have to fight to survive the hungry dead, dehydration, and some truly wrenching memories -- memories of atrocities witnessed, lives lost, and sacrifices that shatter the heart.

I read that one as well.

[GetStuffezd]

That is truly terrible, Sarah!! It's kind of... The bible crossed with the hunger games, written by someone who ballsed up their key stage two SAT...

[poachedeggs]

He's my offering:

" Does anyone truly know what a vampire should look or act like? If you are drawn into the folkloric accounts and want to expand your knowledge, then take a seat and prepare for a lifetime of events. By the end of the tale you'll wish you'd not sat down to talk or listen to strangers. This narrator shares the trade secrets of his circle and many would have had him expelled long ago for it but they are fearful of his impending wrath. He is the Light and the Darkness. Perfectly balanced, he can and will be tempted to wage his curiosities towards the Good or Bad and use unfair tactics to reach supremacy over all that lives or shouldn't. He will without doubt, ascend to his foreseen position as the Ultimate Beast. Even if it means lying his way tothe top. You can follow his journey every step of the way. Learning for yourself, the ups and downs of becoming, or how to destroy a vampire for your own freedom of fear."

[poachedeggs]

I've tried a sample and still have no idea what's going on, it's dire. Self-published by a friend of a friend.

[GetStuffezd]

I think that one was on some kind of mind-altering drugs, poached!

[GetStuffezd]

Oh shit - just saw you know the author! Sorry!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Our friend wrote it? How on earth did you give feedback on that one?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Your not our sorry. Saw the blurb on the kindle daily deal today and it made me think of this thread:

Ivan is sent to claim the Book of All Spells but he doesn?t expect the protector to be as gorgeous as witch Dez.

I'm sure its lovely...