Brutally honest post: I hate myself
I haven’t lost any of the 3 stone I gained when I was pregnant - that was 2 years ago. There is no excuse.
All I can think is it is related to my history of self-sabotage and self-harm, and I’m sure this is just the result of some underlying mental issue I must have. When I start a diet, I do great for the first few days then I hugely binge, like I am punishing myself for doing well – that’s the feeling I seem to have when I am doing it. I also struggle to exercise (queue the excuses) I have a two year old and I work full-time in an office, my husband works evenings and weekends so when I get home, I’m right to cooking tea and looking after my son, then I put my son to bed at approx. 8pm and he takes around 1 hour to fall asleep. Once he is asleep, I go downstairs and do a bit of tidying, then I’m tired and go to bed at around 10pm. I find it difficult to find the time to exercise, but then when I do, my back is so bad that it kills me (I literally cannot walk for 5 minutes without needing to sit down due to my back). I had back issues before pregnancy, but they are worse now, and I know my weight is part of the problem and I feel like I am in a rut of excuses and I need to change, but I cannot figure out how to allow myself to do it!
I feel like the block is mental and I don’t know how to get past it, it is making me miserable and a terrible mother. I hate being the size I am, my BMI is 34.5 therefore morbidly obese and I am 31 years old. I don’t go out where I need to dress up anywhere as I am embarrassed to be seen, and I comfort myself with food. Ill take my son places but thats it, ands its always somewhere not local, so I dont get seen by people who knew me when I was slim
Can anyone else relate? What did you do? How did you break this terrible cycle?
Medical conditions: Anxiety, depression (on medication, so I feel fine when I am on it) and PCOS which leads to weight gain - great
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Brutally honest post: my fat excuses
10 replies
1stIVFjourney2015 · 15/10/2019 14:30
OP posts:
Rachaelw02 ·
16/10/2019 16:39
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