Stuck in a vicious cycle [please be kind]

[LifeOfRiley63]

We have been TTC for 16 months with no success.
I had been on Cerelle for 3 years with 1 prior BFP that ended in termination.
I have been referred to the Fertility clinic (NHS) who have said in no uncertain terms that they won't touch me until I lose 4 stone.
I have lost 4 stone in the past on Slimming World (prior to meeting DH - being in love makes you fat and happy I guess!) .
Now that I've had the ultimatum from the NHS I just can't get my mind in the right place. I feel trapped in a vicious cycle: Can't get pregnant because can't lose weight; can't lose weight because I'm miserable at not being pregnant and BFNs every month.
I also worry that I have PCOS or Ashermans (from the termination) but the Doctors won't do any kind of investigations until I've lost all this weight.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I know the motivation for me is a baby as the end goal, but I just cant get my mind in the right place.

[please be kind, I know I'm a fatty - I'm coming to you for support]

[SingaporeSlinky]

Haven’t been in your situation, but what is your biggest struggle, diet or exercise? Is your DH overweight? It would probably help if you were in it together, as it’s hard to be strict with eating healthily if your DH is going to sit and munch on chocolate next to you. Could you sit down together and come up with a plan you can both follow, like going for a long walk in the evening, stop buying chocolate and crisps at the supermarket, reduce takeaways, look up some new healthy recipes you can try together. Keeping a food diary will help as if you’re honest, you can see exactly where the extra calories are coming from. My Fitness Pal is good for calories counting.
I think you just need to both be on the same page and set a small goal to start with. Once you see a loss on the scales, it motivates you even more, as you’ll know from losing weight last time.
You do need to make small but sustainable changes, as once baby arrives (fingers crossed) you’ll need more energy, and you need to have the healthy habits in place already. No point having a baby and then tiredness sets in and you reach for chocolate or whatever your go-to is. You need to be in the habit of eating well, fuelling your body, making healthy dinners from scratch.

Good luck!

[Huggybear16]

You may find that you won't need fertility treatment if you lose the weight.

Ashermans is incredibly rare - unless you have been told that you suffer from this, or had a particularly complicated termination, I wouldn't give it any more headspace.

Becoming a healthier weight will improve your fertility. The want for a baby and potential to avoid fertility treatment is a great motivation. Furthermore, being pregnant at >4 stone overweight wouldn't be good for you or the baby - you'd be considered "high-risk".

Do it for you and your future family. Get a pedometer and do your 10k steps a day. Download MyFitnessPal and log everything you eat and drink. This is a great app for recording your details and highlighting where you are going wrong.

Stick to it for a while week - you'll be surprised how quickly you see results. Good luck.

[LovingLola]

Not clicking on the link but I think detoxing teas are rubbish. Am sure it would work if you just drink tea and eat nothing

[LifeOfRiley63]

Thank you @Huggybear16 , genuinely good advice.
I've installed MyFitnessPal app and will give it a whirl. I used to keep a paper diary when I was on Slimming World so hopefully this will be easier! I love that it has a barcode scanner.

[Huggybear16]

The scanner is fab - saves lots of time and has all the details ready for you. But if paper and pen is what works for you, then use that.

Even just a couple of small changes can show results pretty quickly. I got back on the wagon on Monday and am only concentrating on calories and steps for now. 4 days in and I'm noticing changes already. Once I have those two things mastered I'll try adding in exercise and swapping some of the foods. Just try one or two things at a time so you're not overwhelmed and tempted to give up completely.

I actually became overweight after giving birth. If you get in to good habits now then hopefully you won't fall into the same trap as I did when you have your baby. Good luck to you. You have a lot going on so be good to yourself.