Please help - going round in circles

[TheoriginalKB]

I need help tackling my weight problem. I can't stop thinking about it but can't decide what to do.
I think about going on a diet and try to decide which one, then I remember that whenever I have tried to diet I always sabotage myself and fail on the first day. So I decide I need to tackle my emotional problems first but I don't know how so then I think about just making small changes to habits but I don't know which one to start with and it feels like it wont make a difference.
These thoughts are going through my head almost permanently on a loop and driving me crazy and all the time I am not making a decision and am doing nothing except get fatter and fatter.
I weighed myself this morning and I am 19 stone 11. I am terrified that I am going to hit 20 stone soon, all my clothes are getting tighter and I feel disgusted with myself.
I know I am using my indecision as an excuse but I feel like I am on a runaway train that it out of my control.
I am thinking about my weight all the time and panicking about it and feeling miserable. Please someone help me, tell me what to do or where to start.

[Blondie1984]

It's great that you've identified that you need to work on the emotional reasons behind why you eat - it means that you are more likely to keep the weight off.
Do you feel you could go to your GP and ask for a referral for some therapy? Or are you in a position where you could afford to pay for it yourself?
I've been following a lady called Mel Wells for a while - you might want to read a bit about her melwells.com/ - her book is very good and I've also signed up to her online course which I'm finding really helpful - it's not for everyone but maybe something to consider

[Adelino]

I don't think you should be looking at going on a specific diet. They are often far too restrictive and set people up for failure. Plus it is too easy to falter and then give it all up. Start by looking at your weekly/ daily shop. Don't go crazy and cut out ALL of your favourite treats but try to cut out a few or make healthier substitutions. eg. Don't buy that tub of ice cream (save 500 calories) switch crisps to a handful of almonds. Go over the top with praise for yourself for each healthy decision you make.
If you drink alcohol try to stop for a week or make it weekends only. It is amazing how many calories are in alcohol and how much just a small amount of alcohol can disrupt your sleep leaving you tired and craving food for the next day.
Mostly, don't be disgusted by yourself. Your body is an amazing thing. It keeps you walking, taking, thinking, laughing. It does all this despite carrying extra weight and will only get stronger as you begin to slowly treat it better.

[ppeatfruit]

Agree with ^Adelino* But also one of the best ways of addressing emotional issues around food is to look at the Paul Mackenna way of eating (I lost weight with his I Can Make You Thin book, dvds etc.) it's self hypnosis and it really works!

It' can be easily 'gone back to' if you forget for a day or week ( I have kept the weight off , it works for all weight loss btw, I still do it and it's simple and natural ) google it!

[B1rdonawire]

I weighed myself yesterday and am in the same unwanted ballpark as you. I am off to the GP today, to ask for help.

It is hard to know where to start, I agree. Can we think about it as investing in our future healthy selves, instead of thinking about it as punishing/denying ourselves stuff?

I am starting with changing one small habit at a time, if that helps at all. My first habit-to-break is: small DC get a snack twice a day - I do not need one too. If I am really desperate, it has to be fruit. I am considering slimming world (attracted by not having to weigh stuff).

Is there something you think you'd like to concentrate on first? Happy to try and do it together if that helps at all?

[TheoriginalKB]

Thanks for the replies.
I don't think the doctor will be much help, when I have raised my weight in the past I was given weight loss/fat blocker pills which gave me diarrhoea, I also don't want to be told to join slimming world/weight watchers which I think is their other go to answer.

I could look into therapy, it just seems so drastic, I don't binge but do have problems with emotional eating and self sabotage but I have no reason to. I had a happy childhood, have never been abused, have good relationships and a loving family. Sometimes I just think it is my inherent lazyness that is holding me back, making changes is hard so I am sabotaging myself to stop myself having to do the hard work.

Ppeat I have tried Paul Mackenna before, I find it very easy to persuade myself that I am hungry, so if I ask myself if I am hungry, the answer is usually yes and I just find myself eating constantly all day

B1 I think habit changes is going to be the only way I am ever going to make changes but I haven't yet found the right balance of big enough to make a difference but not so hard that I give up straight away. It is snacking on junk at work and unhealthy lunches that is my main problem.
I have thought a lot about what habits I just change but never actually make a decision and make a start, so I will commit now to no snacks (or cans of coke) between breakfast and lunch and lunch has at 12.30 or later (otherwise I will bring it forward to compensate and then snack all afternoon). It is a small change as I don't snack every morning but hopefully if I can do this I can make other changes.

I am trying to think positively but what I expect will happen is that I will have a big breakfast to help me last to lunch time and then will cave in and snack at 11 as I will have convinced myself that I am really hungry or I will know that I am not but will be unable to fight whatever it is inside me that wants me to fail in every small positive change I try to make .

I really hope that you are more successful though, I am just bitter from 17 years of failed attempts.

[TheoriginalKB]

Reading that back I think I might need to start investigating therapists as I have no belief that I can make changes/lose weight and without that nothing is going to work

[TheoriginalKB]

Can anyone recommend a therapist, I don't know what to look for?

[Blondie1984]

You need to do what feels right for you - you definitely shouldn't feel any shame if that is therapy - it might be you just need a few sessions to get you started
The reason I mentioned the lady/course in my earlier post is that it helps you understand why you do what you do - including the beliefs you have about yourself - it isn't a diet, there are no rules - it's about you taking time to understand why you are the way you are and then how you move forward - there are more details here thegreengoddessacademy.com/jointheacademy/course/

However it does rely on you doing the work - and if you think that you would struggle then it's perhaps not the best route for you

[ThoseDarnBuns]

I've downloaded a hypnosis app called ~virtual gastric band~ by easyloss that is helping me loose weight all i do is listen twice a day and follow the easy rules.
I looked around at different methods and this suits me - I have lost a stone (still have another 5 to go but there is now hope). There is a closed group on Facebook too and they are ever so friendly on there. It was around £4.99 on Google play store (I believe it's also in Apple store too.)
Good luck on your journey
Admitting there is a problem and doing something proactive is a massive first step as I well know

[TheoriginalKB]

Thanks Blondie the course is a lot of money so I will read her book first - have just downloaded the sample. Will download that app as well ThoseDarnBuns, it cant hurt to give it a go.

[ilovepixie]

Have you ever tried slimming world. I started 3 weeks ago and have lost 11lb so far

[B1rdonawire]

Good luck tomorrow morning, I think your plan sounds really good.

I was pleasantly surprised by GP. Said he no longer prescribes things that affect fat absorption, as they can be unpleasant and he doesn't think they're effective. He said the practice has a nurse specialist trained in the psychology of behaviour around food, who has supported a local patient to lose 15 stone without drugs or surgery So, will see her next week and see what she says...

[ppeatfruit]

That sounds hopeful with your doc. good luck! There are sooo many ways to lose weight, as soon as I gave up caffeinated drinks and ate fruit on an empty stomach I lost weight! I had done it for health and was amazed that I lost weight into the bargain!

The other thing to do is NOT have carbs and heavy proteins at the same meal. That works too.

[horizontilting]

The Serotonin power diet is very helpful for emotional eating and very much designed about having snacks. As you snack 3 times a day, as well as 3 meals it's far easier not to go off track since you've a small amount of time to wait until you eat again.

Also designed by neurologists to use the mood-boosting power of foods to maximum effect,, which helps remove the low mood triggers.

Designed for reversing antidepressant weight gain and also for addressing emotional eating.

serotoninpowerdiet.com/press_rice_fed.php

Book was around 7 quid on Amazon, which is all you need for it. Best of luck

[horizontilting]

And I quite liked eating biscuits on it ;)

[IDismyname]

Maybe just changing one thing at a time will help?

I am terrible at drinking enough water. Maybe set yourself a target of say - 2 litres- extra a day... ?I now squeeze half a lemon into a jug of water and leave it out on the side in the kitchen. I try and finish it before I go to bed. It won't harm you at all, and may well take the edge off your snacking.

I am very good at self sabotage, and have decided - after many diets - to go and see a counsellor. I think my past is catching up on me, and Ive ignored it too long. Nothing major, but self esteem, bullying (school) and a controlling mother when it came to eating when I was younger.