Weight Rant ... Self Pity ... Hand holding and motivation please?

[KerrySkye35]

Blah. I am sorry. I am feeling very self pitying today lol.

I have always been biggish and mostly love my body. I am 5ft 10 and up until around 18 months ago always hovered between UK sized 16/18 and between 16-17 stone. Never been happy with the scales but looked fine and had lots of energy. I had 38H boobs, a nice bum and although I had a tummy I didn't have an 'apron' if that makes sense. I felt sexy and never really worried about being too 'big' .... Occasionally wondered what being a 14/16 would be like but didn't really try.

Got with new DP 18 months ago. Blissfully happy. He eats huge portions, his family serve huge portions - he does all the cooking. Ate a bit more at meal times but no big change .... started exercising more to counter it and stayed the same.

Then around April/May last year I lost 4 close family members and sank into a deep depression. Lots of alcohol, lots of comfort food, lack of exercise. When finally started to emerge from my abyss in October I was horrified to discover I'd ballooned (literally) to 22stone and a size 22 (I hadn't weighed myself since before the losses and had been sticking to wearing my baggy PJ's in the house and his band t-shirts when I nipped to the shop so hadn't noticed change in clothes. Became pretty house bound with the depression).

I HATE how I look now. I've managed to lose 2 stone of it since then so am down to 20 stone now but still having to buy size 22's. None of my old things really fit me anymore. My bras don't fit - have had to buy a 42H! My stomach has changed the most though as I now have an apron of over hanging skin. I feel revolting. I've taken my measurements and everything Is about 5 inches bigger than it was! And don't even get me started on my giant chin.

It's starting to really get me down how slow it is to fix something that didn't take that long to destroy =[ We are going away with DP family in early May and I am DREADING it looking like this.

I've not been super strict with myself but I have cut down a lot and now feel like I've reached my limit and it is time to really take myself to task!

So this thread is the start of my journey - marking my progress really and hoping you will all help me through it. I don't like discussing with my DP as he says all the usual platitudes [still love you, look great etc.] but I don't believe him and I've lost all interest in our sexual relationship with my body like this. Similarly my best friend Is skinny as a rake, has a thigh gap, doesn't have to watch her weight etc. even after 3 kids so she doesn't get it at all.

SO ... now that I am done with the rant, I guess I should start with a plan.

Current weight: 20 stone on the dot.
Holiday date: May 3rd (6 weeks to go)
Holiday weight aim: 18st 10lb (2lb per week average, with extra in the first two weeks ... trying to do it healthily as possible)
Christmas weight aim: 15st 10lb

I can't afford to go to slimming world etc. at the moment as we are on full savings mode but luckily my mum used to deliver WW meetings so has given me some tips.

Going to cut out all treats for a 2 week detox and stick to small portions, no pop, no takeaways, no alcohol, lots of fruit and veg ... one portion meat a day, skimmed milk etc. ... some liquid meals ... around 1400 calories a day.

Then after this introduce a fortnightly treat day where I can have say 500 calories of wine, bread whatever once every two weeks. Try and keep daily intake to between 1500 - 1800 calories.

Walk the dog for 1hour every day.
Walk to work and back every day.
15-30 minutes on the stairs at home every day.
Anything extra I get the chance to do.

Here's hoping!

[specialsubject]

sorry for all your troubles and hope things are improving.

this plan is not realistic, though.

sensible eating:
1400 calories is too low for your height.
2lb a week is not wise for sustained weight loss.
don't eat diet food or ghastly liquid meals (juicing and detox are cons). You know what you did wrong (you list it and you had your reasons) so just don't do that.
continue what you are doing, with more exercise, and it will come off.
eat bread - good carbs.
500 calories is a quarter of the average daily calorie intake. Is a glass of wine worth it?

body image:
your legs are not fused, so you have a thigh gap. The ugly emaciation on the models is not what you should aspire to. (BTW I always have chunky thighs, whatever my weight (never been fat or thin) - it is how I'm made.)
clothes labels are random.
your best friend is a different person from you. Like everyone else.
you are not revolting. Please don't insult your husband by not believing what he says. Real marriages are 'in sickness and in health' and you've been ill.


you sound intelligent, you don't need to pay to be told all this.

there you go. No charge. :-)