My wedding is this saturday - not excited :(

[fanfan18]

I'm getting married this Saturday, the issue is my fiance suffers from anxiety and depression. He is so anxious about the wedding (more cos of the people / social aspect) and he is working himself up.

I've tried talking to him, reassuring him to take one thing at a time. Don't think about everything just do the next thing. He has been fine up until this last week. He is anxious, quiet and a bit grumpy.

I've tried to deal with it nicely but now with only a couple of days to go I just don't feel excited because i'm worried he'll not turn up or let the anxiety get the better of him.

I suffered terribly with anxiety in 2013 / 2014 and had a LOT of counselling. He has had it for over a decade and although he has been to his GP he has never truly "dealt" with it.

Can anyone offer any guidance or reassurance? I feel like I should be super happy and excited all this week and it's just a massive downer!

[DexyMidnight]

I feel for your fiance (have been there myself although not re. my own wedding) but this is not fair on you :(

I think it sounds like you're doing all the right things but in addition i would a) remind him you're 100% there for him but that you are nervous too, and you need him to reassure you that he will make it. If he actually knows his behaviour is causing you to doubt he will even show it may sort of make him 'pull through'. B) get some external support if you can. Could his mum or dad / brother / best man give him a supportive but still firm 'talking to'? And take the pressure off you for a few days to let you try and enjoy the run up and the day? It all goes so fast. You can't be his sole emotional crutch on the wedding day trust me, you will barely even have time to speak two full sentences to each other.

I don't say these things from the pov that he just 'needs a head wobble', i do understand anxiety on a personal level. But i also know that a little tough love and a reminder that my behaviour is affecting others can help me put on a brave face to get through certain events.

[Rebecca36]

What DexyMidnight said. I'm sure all will go well but what he is feeling is not uncommon.

I frequently think that if I had my wedding over again, I'd have no-one there except me and him. Hindsight and all that, it's really not worth the hassle.

[IWantChocolates]

My DH suffers from anxiety and found it hard to really get involved in wedding stuff in the run up, he wasn't keen on having lots of people and just didn't want to make decisions. On the day he had to leave the hotel room early so I could get ready (too anxious to spend the night before away from me) and I worried about him the whole morning. I had to arrange a group of people to be around and look after him. When I got to the venue I had to wait in the car with my dad, no idea what the delay was but really worrying that it was him having an anxiety attack. In the end it wasn't him but it definitely affected me as I found it so hard to think of him being anxious and me not there to support him. I do wish he'd been more involved but in the end it was a great day.

I can only recommend that you get a good network around him and keep reassuring him. I know how hard it is to deal with on a daily basis, I hope it all goes okay for you both.

[Toddlerteaplease]

How did it go op?

[fanfan18]

He was amazing!

Really took it all in his stride and he has been so much happier since the ceremony! The day flew by and we had a few moments away from everyone and he was happy, excited and having a good time. He said he worked it up so much in his head that he was struggling to get excited but he was fine once he got going the morning of the wedding :)

Thanks everyone

[BuffaloCauliflower]

Glad it went well in the end

[BuffaloCauliflower]

And congrats!