Recycling the best man whom I hate

[Gemma1995]

Were getting married in 2020. I know it's ages off but I'm stressing out about my partners choice of best man. My partner and I are both divorced and he wants his friend as BM even though he did it first time around. That on its own isn't a huge issue but what is is that the BM and I can't stand each other and don't speak. His other friend has asked to be BM and him and I get on really well. The chosen BM's wife and I hate each other and she is friends with the ex wife. The chosen BM has drink issues and goodness knows what state he will be in. He starts drinking as soon as he wakes up and is lewd and foul mouthed. My partner feels duty bound to have him as BM and I know it would be a disaster. Any suggestions/solutions?

[Gemma1995]

Sorry it's so long. I don't know all the abbreviations yet as I'm a beginner. If anyone can provide a list I will attempt to be briefer

[octonaught]

Why does your partner feel duty bound to have him?
Just tell your fiance how you feel

[Maccapacca88]

I'd ask your fiance how he thinks the speech will go. An alcoholic who hates the bride... Oh dear. His duty on your wedding day is to you, not his mate. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable on your wedding day fgs!

[Gemma1995]

They were both BM for each other and this will be twice each! Theyve been friends since they were kids.

[Gemma1995]

Lol. Absolutely. That actually brings home what a titanic scale disaster it would be. We have discussed going for a family small scale wedding and having a big evening do but his friend will lay in the guilt.

[Gemma1995]

PS you are right. I need to tell him how I feel. I need to stop secretly stressing and talk it through. Thanks. That's the sensible approach and I need to do it.

[octonaught]

Yes your fiance will probably be relieved that you're not keen on th BM either. Just present a united front and say "we're going to do something different this time round"

[Bananalanacake]

He drinks every day as soon as he wakes up?? There's a chance he may not be alive in 2 years.

[borlottibeans]

I've been to a wedding where the BM and his girlfriend hated the bride. It wasn't pretty.

I am personally not sure that I would want to be married to someone who was prepared to ask someone who hated me to be a part of our wedding.

[Gemma1995]

Would I be the worst person in the world if that gave me hope? Thank you. It did make me laugh...

[Gemma1995]

Thanks octonaught I think I will try that approach. Let's do it differently this time rather than I hate your friend!

[Rubies12345]

Oh no. He might say something rude about you in his speech!

It's becoming quite popular that the Maid of Honour makes a speech instead of the best man so you could do that.

[Gemma1995]

Rubies12345 He is crude enough when he is sober but at any social event he downs drink after drink and he gets really loud and inappropriate. Yes, there's every chance he could ruin the whole day. My chief bridesmaid is too young to drink but would happily do a speech. Really good idea.

[SoupDragon]

What are you going to do if he refuses to change his choice of best man?

[Gemma1995]

Soupdragon I've thought about it a lot and I would insist on a small family only wedding and then open up the night do to everyone. The BM would ruin the day and my mum who is quite feisty might decide to go all Bruce Lee on him. We'd end up being that disastrous wedding day everyone laughs about. Plus, the BMs wife and I cannot be in the same room so it would be hugely awkward. Not what you need on your bug day.

[Gemma1995]

Lol. Not bug day...big day...