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Should I go to SIL wedding??

(30 Posts)
Mummytomonkey12 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:08:05

Standby for family politics central......

My DH family ( parents & sister) are from the UK but moved to Spain 10 years ago. My SIL has an 8yr old son & is getting remarried this Summer.

DH has not had a good relationship with his family ( very different views & outlook on the world & his family are very set in their ways) & we normally see them once/twice a year & just grin & bear it.

By way of background his family have been very against my parenting style eg. Anti breastfeeding (they disapproved of me feeding my 3month old), anti baby led weaning etc etc. I have done alot of tongue biting for the sake of DH! Totally ridiculous arguments have erupted over things like the fact that I'm not a big drinker ( DH dad refused to buy me a drink unless it was wine & we had a standoff in the middle of a bar. Nice!)

Last Summer we went to stay with them & it was more awful than usual. It ended up with huge arguments between DH & family mostly around DS who they think has severe developmental delays, is autistic & needs 'medicated' for his tantrums. DS was not early hitting milestones but nothing extreme & is not autistic ( I took him to Dr after all the fuss & he burst out laughing!) For the record he has grown out of tantruming thank god!!

It was an awful traumatic experience & his family excluded me from most of the arguments. There were a host of following up e-mails from SIL not including me giving examples of DS 'medical issues' ( hilarious now but I wasn't laughing at the time). DH challenged SIL on why I was not included in any of these discussions & her response was it was 'too much of a sensitive subject'.

9 months or so on & DH & family have brushed it under the carpet, I believe DH had a vague apology. DH has not spoken to his mum since last summer & speaks to his Dad/sister once a month maybe. I have only briefly spoken to his Dad but struggle to look at him as its so false.

Should I go to the wedding this Summer???? I feel it's all a total sham & they have treated me terribly. DH admits there is no defence for them but wants me to go to keep up appearances. Odd to travel to Spain to a wedding when u haven't spoken to SIL in 10 months? HELP!!!! They have asked DS to be page boy......

LineyReborn Thu 17-Mar-16 18:11:08

Well I wouldn't go. Not would my partner expect me to.

Mummytomonkey12 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:17:04

Thanks lineyreborn. I guess I don't want to be the straw that broke the camels back in terms of the end of family relations! Families!!!

expatinscotland Thu 17-Mar-16 18:23:42

Nope, I wouldn't go. Or send my son, either.

LineyReborn Thu 17-Mar-16 18:24:29

You're going to have to tell your DP how you feel, and that you expect some back up.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 17-Mar-16 18:29:44

I wouldn't go. I'd not be keen on my child attending either.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 17-Mar-16 18:30:34

Frankly it's also a bit off that your DH is colluding with them to pretend everything is OK now and that everyone can just carry on as if nothing ever happened.

DartmoorDoughnut Thu 17-Mar-16 18:31:35

Fuck that shit! I'd stay home with my "too ill to travel" DS due to his obvious autism, cheeky bunch of loons!

SpongeCakeBigPants Thu 17-Mar-16 18:31:52

I think for me it would depend on how big the wedding was going to be and whether I'd have to spend a lot of time in their company before or after the wedding.

If your husband really wanted you there for moral support/ appearance sake, could you fly in the day before and out the day after rather than an extended stay? Maybe say work won't give additional time off?

ScrambledSmegs Thu 17-Mar-16 18:33:24

No, and frankly it's a bit shit of your husband to expect you and your son to go. It's probably only because he doesn't want to go alone.

pollyblack Thu 17-Mar-16 18:34:30

I wouldn't go.

Cocolepew Thu 17-Mar-16 18:35:06

No way! Is your DH totally daft? Why on earth would any of you want to go? confused

Mummytomonkey12 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:35:45

Thanks for your thoughts. I can't say Id let DS be alone in the room with the parents in law but equally feel sad as it will mean he will only have one family member ( my mum) as we are such a small family sad

badg3r Thu 17-Mar-16 18:37:36

How old is DS now? Is he old enough to be bribed to have a massive melt down as she walks down the aisle? <cackles evilly wink>

Seriously though, in your shoes I would not be going.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 17-Mar-16 18:39:49

I'd go. But only coz I can't resist a good old mad family get together.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 17-Mar-16 18:40:11

So what if your DS has only one family member when you exclude your DH's family? It doesn't sound like he will gain much by associating with them.

Mummytomonkey12 Thu 17-Mar-16 19:15:07

grin awesome idea!! He is 4. Humour required in this situation before I lose my sanity......

phequer Thu 17-Mar-16 19:17:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 17-Mar-16 19:31:50

I was invited to SIL wedding after 5 years NC - she had a meltdown of how bad it would look - not my family - not my friends!!

If she cared how it'd look I suggest she speaks to you - otherwise NO! Not happening

InWithTheOutlaws Thu 17-Mar-16 19:42:26

Fuck that. Don't go, don't send poor DS.

And having one loving family member is better than having a lorry load of judgemental loons imho.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 23-Mar-16 14:42:50

Not a chance! And agree with everyone else that your DH is well out of line for considering it. He can go, they're his problem, but he has no right to expect you to put yourself and your son in a situation where they have a chance to treat you like crap again. They haven't even apologised to you for the last awful encounter! No. Bloody. Way.

Have you spoken to him about it, properly? He might dread the idea of going as much as you do and want an excuse to bin it off.

If he actively wants to go, and I mean on his own without dragging his innocent wife and child into the mire, he can go for it and you and DS should do something lovely for the two of you while he's gone.

You're the family he's chosen to have and you should be his priority.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 23-Mar-16 14:44:54

Agree with Outlaws too, what family is he really going to be missing out on anyway?

Your son should be spending time with people who care for his Mum and Dad, not people who can't be civil to one or both of them. You don't want him growing up thinking their behaviour is okay.

ChimpyChops Thu 24-Mar-16 21:06:48

No I wouldn't go and neither would my child.

I wouldn't have anything to do with them at all, let alone a wedding.

CookieDoughKid Fri 02-Sep-16 17:49:02

Hell NO. Why subject yourself to the PAIN? !

CookieDoughKid Fri 02-Sep-16 17:49:24

I'll don't think you'll be missed either.

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