wedding feedback

[dietstartsmonday]

hi all

am planning my wedding so would love to hear about things you liked at weddings you have been to or things to avoid!!

tia

[kaykayblue]

I dislike weekday weddings which force people to take annual leave.

I dislike it when there is a HUGE wait in between the ceremony and any sort of food. I have literally fainted at a wedding once as there was a four hour gap between the two, and the bride's family had advised us not to eat much before the wedding (?)

I like it when the bride/groom do a little mingling during the meal, although it often means they don't get time to eat themselves!!

I like it when there is someone to make it clear to all the guests where they should be and when. Otherwise you just end milling around, chatting, then you suddenly realise that you are late to the dinner, have missed the cutting of the cake, or whatever.

[anothergenericname]

Lots of food. Weddings can be a long day, guests may have missed a meal if you wedding is near lunch and for those who don't know anyone its nice to have some food to occupy yourself with.

Decent non-alcoholic drinks when people turn up at the reception (2 weddings now I've been to where drinkers got chilled fizz or Pimms with lots of fruit and I got room temp concentrated OJ. Bleurgh. What's wrong with a nice cold elderflower or something?).

If you're having children then make sure they're really well catered for - entertainment, food, somewhere quiet to go if they get overwhelmed. It makes it more fun for them, their parents and all the other guests.

Do try and get round to talk to each of your guests, even if you split up so bride talks to 'her' guests and groom to 'his' - good to do between courses if at no other time. Makes everyone feel included and warm and fuzzy.

A tip for you - try and take a moment after the ceremony where it's just you and your groom - it's so special to just have those few minutes to soak it all in and enjoy being married before the day takes over again.

I went to a wedding recently where all guests got an email with an itinerary of when food would be available, when dancing would start etc etc - as a guest battling pregnancy sickness it was so helpful to know when I could expect to be given food and when it might be worth having a handy cereal bar.

Try not to have a massive long walk between any two places (parking and venue is the obvious one) as some guests may only wear heels for events like this and will be quietly cursing you for their blisters! ;)

Make any 'quirky' activities optional. Not everyone is comfortable putting on a silly hat and feather boa for a polaroid. My dad would probably walk off in a massive grump if he was forced into this sort of thing!

And try to have fun and enjoy it. It's over before you know it. And the day is less important than the marriage.

[joanofarchitrave]

Minimise hanging about - think through the day to try and eliminate this.

It's possible to eliminate a lot of the 'stress points' of a wedding. If you have a difficult seating plan with people who don't talk or tables which will consist of 4 kids and 2 adults, consider just having a buffet and some chairs.

You don't actually have to have a separate evening do. Or anything, really. Whatever you do have, make sure you actively choose it. Don't have weird stuff like hot air balloon departures or dove releases unless it really says something about you both that isn't 'it says here in Brides magazine we should do something like this'. Ultimately, it's just a party.

I'm guilty of having my wedding too early in the day - register offices used to close at 12 on a Saturday and 11.30 was the latest I could get - meant a lot of guests had to get up at the crack of dawn, though I think that having a big lunch at lunchtime was a good thing. Afternoon's better I think - an early afternoon plus slap up high tea buffet and an early finish would be a tip top wedding in my opinion.

We booked a cheap venue and I then spent a fortune decorating it (literally thousands). There are cheapish venues that are pretty to start with (though they may take a bit of searching out).

A Christmas wedding will be highly inconvenient for a lot of guests and very expensive in the honeymoon area but everything is decorated for you.

[anothergenericname]

Oh yes - if at all possible try and have a cheaper food option (hot buffet?) if you're trying to save money, rather than A and B list guests. I know it's a contentious issue on MN, but I feel really sad just being an evening guest. I like the vows and speeches and you miss both these as a B list guest.

[dietstartsmonday]

thanks for these, am making notes!!!

[GertyD]

My top tips are:

1. Have the ceremony as late as possible in the day, and follow up straightaway with the reception.
   
2. Have a reliable person to guide the guests, at toasting/cake cutting/speeches time.
   
3. Photographer - it is my biggest regret not having one.
   
4. Open the kids buffet immediately.
   
5. Wear comfy shoes.
   
6. Ensure dress and underwear are agreeable with each other.
   
7. Try and avoid the ceremony and evening guest. I hate it, everyone I k ow hates it and it only causes years of resentment.

[Lottapianos]

• Lots and lots of weather-appropriate food (hot stuff in winter, colder food in summer
  
• Plenty of booze and, as someone else said, good non-alcoholic drinks
  
• Don't include anything you're not comfortable with. If you're mortified at the thought of doing your 'first dance' with everyone gawping at you, just leave it out. If you're cringeing at the thought of walking into the ceremony room in front of everyone, you and groom go in first, have a chat with the registrar, then have your guests come in after you. It's your wedding - make it work for you
  
• Food as soon as possible after the ceremony
  
• Thank people for coming when you talk to them. The groom at one wedding (who is an utter tool anyway) we went to acted like had had done us a favour by putting on the wedding, and it stuck in my craw
  
• Don't make people do anything embarassing. No silly quizzes or dressing up or posing for 'comedy' photos. And definitely no fancy dress

[grumblepuss]

Newly engaged here.
My priorities are:
Legal stuff
Feed people
Don't leave people to hang about. I went to a wedding with a long enough break for an hours snooze and a shower. (We were staying in the hotel)
Offer booze which isn't fizz

Sod the rest of it.

[crazykat]

If you're having children then little activity bags at the table are brilliant. Nothing massive just a little gift bag with activity/colouring book and a pack of crayons or pencils. It helps keep them entertained during speeches.

The dj at my uncles wedding did half an hour of kids entertainment at the beginning of the evening. Games like musical statues and kids music. The kids loved it and it gave us parents a few minutes to relax after entertaining the kids during speeches.

[dietstartsmonday]

grumble

I agree with the sod the rest of it sentiment!!

[Spaceboundeminem]

The best thing in a wedding I ever got was as someone with young dc with SN who were invited, was everything being in the same place the reception, lunch, evening buffet and bedrooms to stay over night.

No driving round and I could take dc to the room during breaks to calm down.
Photographer very important.
Non alcoholic drinks.

Things I didn't like was the cake being too small for wedding party.
Having large travel distances between each venue.

[anothergenericname]

PS - trick on the trade, if you don't want an enormous cake/don't want to pay for enormous cake, get a tray bake version of the same thing with the same sort of icing round the back to make sure there's enough for everyone. You can even have most of the 'for show' cake made of polystyrene with icing over the top. Much cheaper as it can be done in advance ;) You will need at least one cakey layer to cut, though, if you want to do that bit

[mustbetimeforacreamtea]

Think about your experiences as a guest at other weddings and try to keep them happy. Things we did were:
Photos - started with big groups and worked down to bride & groom. Easy to round people up then they could relax with drinks and nibbles rather than wondering when they would be needed
Evening reception - although we had one we saved speeches, cake cutting for it so it was more of an occasion than just a disco. Also asked everyone to nominate a song for the dj's playlist
Info pack - sent out a pack to all guests with the running order for the day (especially so people knew when the food was being served, cake cut etc), also included taxi numbers, cash point locations (rural venue), local attractions and accommodation.

We had lots of people travelling long distances to attend so we had an informal bbq the next day so that guests could have something to eat before their journeys and it gave more opportunities to chat to everyone.

[mustbetimeforacreamtea]

Big bugbear of mine is turning up as an evening guest to find that the day events are over-running and that you have to wait for them to finish before being let in. We had a very small ceremony and then moved to an entirely different venue for the evening. All the guests arrived before us, and we entered the room and were promptly deluged with confetti and streamers (tables all had bowls of them).

Also had a wall of photos of all the guests taken over the years - a mix of their wedding photos, parties, holidays - it was great fun to put together and I think it went down well.

[mustbetimeforacreamtea]

If you are trying to prioritise spending think back to other weddings and ask yourself what you remember about them. Do you remember the favours? If not think about not having them. Likewise floral arrangements, invitations, table settings. It's all too easy for the wedding industry to convince you to overspend. As long as people are fed and watered well and don't spend hours waiting around your guests will be happy.