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stopped bf @ 11mnths exactly!! but angry @ health visitors approach

(15 Posts)
oliversmarmy Wed 12-Aug-09 17:49:06


My ds has stopped bfing at 11 months to the the day..

i was at the clinic for general weighing and explained he was not bf anymore, plus i can not get him to bottle feed or beaker feed as he was bf exslusively for las t few months as he refused the bottle once teething started..

he's been on solids for a while now but i saw a doc yesterday too as his not eating was worrying me, turns out he's got a sore throat doc said it was red soon as he looked in his mouth..

I explained i cant bf anymore anyhows as he is on biting and not attemmting to suckle for more than 5 gulps..

she weighed him and then showed me the lines he should be on and he's 20lb.14oz where as he was 20.9oz a month ago so its not like he's losing weight..

bring him back 2 weeks time he needs to be watched... fine if he was losing weigh but he's not, but the way she said it, she made two other hv start butting in to our convo and made scared..


oliversmarmy Wed 12-Aug-09 17:54:09

Thought i may just add...

IM trying to beaker or bottle feed him to get fluids in but now resorting to syringing it in to him..

i also need advice on how much milkhe needs from now on with out breast feeding...

I hear now he's almost 1yr old hes no need for formula or bf and can rely on solids which im giving him..

SO when do i give him a bottle like ive seen people giving lil ones till they are 3-4

how much do i need to make sure hes getting in him

all advice is much appriciated

OnlyWantsOne Wed 12-Aug-09 17:57:12

oh my FFS some times I despair at HV.

Firstly, well done for BF til 11 months

I would offer him cow milk / formula in a bottle and see what he does? If he is poorly he probably doesnt want any thing at all, and its good to be keeping fluid in by using a syringe.

Did the DR advise how to make his throat better?

tiktok Wed 12-Aug-09 18:00:19

at the HV and angry

oliversmarmy it's not very clear what's happened here or what the HV expects you to do...would be a good idea, I think, if you give them a call tomorrow and say you were confused and upset, and left the clinic without a clue about what to do, if anything, to support your little boy. I mean, on what you say about his weight there's nothing to worry about, but maybe she thinks different?

It is their job to support you and make sure any advice they give you is clear and easy to follow, and not to panic or distress you unnecessarily.

I don't think anyone here can really say what you should do, to be honest - normally, a baby of this age would have milk of some description and if he is resisting, then she should help with ideas of what to do.

oliversmarmy Wed 12-Aug-09 18:32:39

Thanks for the replies..

I am litterally pulling my hair out trying to get him to take and bottle/beaker to get fluids in him i am so desprate that my partner has suggested a wet nurse if there is such a thing..

as for the hv i thought they were there to help and not just advising me

when i asked does he need milk from a formula or fresh still, how much does he need without it being mixed with solids now he's 11mnths.. i just got a you should know or your not good mother look from her

i just couldnt think i guess im worried as the last time i was there i was told by one of them that if he did not take bottle or beaker then they would show me.. to which i asked her yesterday show me how u hold im .. IM GUESSING SHE'D NO EFFIN CLUE HERSELF..

Why are they so dame snobby to mothers who are alone(of which i pointed out to her ive no mum nan or sisters just a 70yr old aunt whose had no children.. and brothers with no gf/wives

Im feeling so stupid and that maybe i shouldnt have had him cause ive no fall back people to rely on advise just the hv///

you know what i think... there should be more advice on how bottle and beaker feed after... whilst your bfing so that way the transition is not this bad..

I am all for bfing but feel ive done wrong in exculsively doing it cause he'd know how to take a bottle if he was fed both during 11months

growingout Wed 12-Aug-09 18:36:25

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growingout Wed 12-Aug-09 18:37:00

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StealthPolarBear Wed 12-Aug-09 18:38:22

She sounds as though she's doing the exact opposite of what her job should be!
Is he refusing to eat? and he's refusing bottles and cups?
I wouldn't have thought at 11 months you'd need to hold him in any specific way to feed him - can you give him a cup (even an open cup) of water to play with?
Sorry I have no idea how serious this all is - obviously if he's badly dehydrated you should be getting him to hospital!
His weight sounds fine, surely at 11 months they fluctuate, and as you said he's still putting weight on!
Sorry you are being made to feel you're doing a bad job, that must be really disheartning.

itburnsitburns Wed 12-Aug-09 18:39:57

"I'm angry" how DARE she?!?!

make a formal complaint

and don't panic - you know your dc is OK

cockles Wed 12-Aug-09 18:40:04

Am I right in thinking the problem is he won't drink out of anything? I wouldn't worry about a bottle at this stage. Try a sippy cup or even an ordinary plastic mug? A doidy cup is also g ood (is tilted so easier for them to get angle right) but not essential. It sounds to me like the HV has no idea herself, probably because she expects all babies to be used to bottles. Don't worry; he will not starve himself. You can give him cow'smilk from a year as main drink, you are quite close to that now, so i would offer formula now but in a cup. The sore throat is probably messing things up too. Good luck and you are not alone.

oliversmarmy Wed 12-Aug-09 18:50:56

yeah he's refusing bfing and bottle and beaker COCKLES!! but is almost ok with eating although he was trying to gag yesterday on anything i gave him but eating ok today!

stealth he is putting on weight.. not much granted but still. he's not lost since last time i went there.. so what was her prob ???

I think because i come across as not knowing much i gave im[pression i was a wee bit thick maybe... but i'd no idea he'd not want bf at 11months i thought it was gonna go on for ever :O)

plus im down cause i feel like he don't want me or its something ive donw to him to make him not bf

his sore throat is prob doing it but she had no right to make me feel like that

EverybodyNeedsABosomForAPillow Sun 16-Aug-09 22:48:50

Could this be a nursing strike? His sore throat might have made bf painful (cos swallowing anything is painful when your throat is really sore) and now he thinks bf might hurt. The Kellymom website has really good info on how to get your baby bf again if that's what you want to do.

(Sorry if it's too long since you last bf to keep trying - I couldn't tell from your posts. If you have still got milk but he is not taking it, you will probably need to express to keep your supply up until he starts nursing again.)

I agree with what others have said about complaining about the hv - you have gone with a problem and she has done nothing to help, just made you feel confused and scared.

Good luck!

whingingDailyHateMail Sun 16-Aug-09 23:01:23

I would complain too, the HV should be congratulating you on the BF and helping you to make sure he is still getting what he needs.

Fluid wise, you could try a straw in an open beaker? My DD managed that pretty well, or a free flow beaker with spout like tommee tippee 'first cup', she never got on with beaker with valves, they are hard work.

And for now give plenty of 'watery' foods, fruits, maybe yoghurts, keep an eye on nappies to make sure they are still wet, and is he having some pain relief for the sore throat, like some paracetamol?

Sounds like you are doing a fab job, I would also keep offering the breast if you are going to carry on with the BF, it may well be a temporary blip.

hairymelons Sun 16-Aug-09 23:26:57

Goodness me, they're supposed to advise and support, not make you feel terrible!
Don't know much about your situation but it sounds like your LO's sore throat is causing this reluctance to take in fluids.
How long ago did he stop BF? As EverybodyNeeds mentioned, this could well be a nursing strike rather than the end of the BF. Sore throats will make your baby want to stop swallowing, and you say he's not eating as well as not BF.
If you can't or don't want to resume BF, I believe the current recommendations are approx. 1 pint/ 500ml of milk per day upto 12 months old. Milk used in cooking can count towards this.
Finally, if the doctor has seen him, your DS is presumably not dehydrated or they would be monitoring this. Go back to the doctor if you are worried though. If the HV is concerned about his weight, it may just be that becuse he's poorly they want to check up that he's back on track in a couple of weeks?

oliversmarmy Tue 18-Aug-09 02:25:15

hey just thought Id add that my ds is still not able to bf and its now 7days in to his strike,

But however im going straight to the docs tomorrow to get him to confirm he's fine..

As since my last blog, Ive manage to get him to sleep feed on a bottle but only few ounces

Im hoping the amount he's drinking from the bottle will increase thus making me bf feed aand him hydrated and satisfied enough to sleep and be happy from now on

thanks for all the replies


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