"force" weaning our 15mo ...

[daddledaddle]

We are in the midst of weaning our 15mo DD1 with me staying over at a friend's for the past 2 nights. I've now been away and not BF her for 30 hours.

DD has refused a bottle since she was 3mo old, when she had a tongue tie release and has been able to nurse. She feeds multiple times a night, such that at about 13months I have finally begun co-sleeping most nights!! She is not very interested in food, though we've been working with her since she was 6mo old on BLW and trying with various beakers, bottles, etc. She refused spoon feeding. She'll eat shreddies, cheese, toast and grapes (+BF!). She'll drink water (some) but refuses to drink cows milk or formula from any type of beaker (def not bottle).

I'm ready to stop BF, as I have begun to resent it for some reason--particularly when she's nursed and nursed but won't let go, just wants to stay latched on for ever. Also I have to be away for a weekend in November & she'll be with my mom so I wanted to be sure she was ok and it seemed a good reason to be more purposeful. Not to mention my husband has an issue with BF and is not interested in sex, and thus we can't conceive again. Definitely have resentment about this, BTW.

Anyway though I'm ready I'm also really sad about it and know she is crying a lot with my husband. We know she is hungry, but just won't drink, and am just not sure how to proceed. I feel a bit pumped out after all of that work the first 3 months to keep her going with breastmilk, so I don't feel like giving her EBM is an option (though I also feel unhappy about cow milk and formula).

I am going to stay away tonight and go back in the morning, and I am sure it will be really hard. I feel I should backtrack and do just one feed a day since we know she can manage on the little she does eat. But then I worry that we'll just end up back where we started, and/or my husband will be upset (not that this really matters, I suppose).

Anyway, am emotional whilst weaning and any advice on how to manage going home would be welcomed and very much appreciated!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Daddie you will probably be better posting this in the breast & bottle section as this section is more about starting solids.

Just wanted to say though that both of mine were bottle refuses and both refused cows milk for about 3 months after stopping bfing, I just fed them foods rich in calcium. There is no need for formula or bottles after 12 months.

Can't do links at the moment but google askdrsears 12 alternatives and have a look on amazon at my child won't eat.

What issues does your Dh have exactly

[daddledaddle]

Oh thank you so much for responding!! I will copy this post to the other section (or something!)

We haven't had a completely frank discussion about it, but he was not interested in sex while I was pregnant either, and I vaguely remember the word..."weird!" I know it sounds silly that I haven't pursued it, but I think it's just a turn-off for him. I've told him I'm ready to get pregnant again, and told him he can just do his business and get me a turkey baster to do the rest, and he laughs, but that's it. He would also like to have another. So I don't know.

Not nosey at all, since I brought it up!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Mine was a bit weird the first time I was pg too but think it was because I was so ill, he did get over it though

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

How are things going daddie?

[daddledaddle]

Hi! sorry I've been incommunicado. Well, I went home at about hour 60 and found her dehydrated--depressed fontanelle and not crying tears. She was actively drinking water from a cup and eating shreddies, though. However, her sleep schedule is now very disrupted and she refuses to unlatch after nursing and will NOT be put down in her cot!! She will also drink some diluted cows milk from a cup, so hopefully she'll progress from there. Oh, and my milk all but dried up so we're having nursing marathons...

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Sorry to hear that your Lo has been poorly and is so distressed. Really think that ringing one of the bfing helplines is a good idea. Have you got the numbers?

[butterfingerz]

Sorry, I know how it feels to be fed up of a baby that doesn't eat and just breastfeeds constantly, my 16 month old DS has only just taken to food... but I don't think it's really advised to stop breastfeeding so abruptly.

Obviously you want to stop, that's your choice, but it sounds like a
distressing time for you both. My heart would be breaking in your position! Is it really necessary? Do you have to conceive right now, sorry to be nosy, you don't feel pushed into weaning by your husband do you?

It's not good if your DD is getting dehydrated in the process.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

How are things now daddie?

[daddledaddle]

Hi again, it took a while for us to recover from the whole process, and then dd got a terrible ear infection and we've been out of commission!

She drank for a beaker for a while after I got home, maybe a week, but was never really able to get in enough to sustain her that way in the first place. And she was really resistant to being left put to bed in her cot. So she's back to BF all the time, and now she and I just sleep in the spare room and leave dh in the main room because he's had major deadlines at work. So now she really doesn't want to go to bed after 11pm or 2am feed, and I'm currently to frazzled to stop--new bad habits every day!

Actually, she does eat lots of shreddies, some cheese, rice cakes, bread sticks...but mostly shreddies and breast feeding. Oh and grapes. Nowhere near enough to meet daily food requirements.

So I read about the whole weaning process and bf toddlers here on mumsnet and realized I probably created irreparable psychic damage to my poor baby by leaving her with my husband to sink or swim. He tried his best to get her to eat as much as possible, but also ended up leaving her to cry... All of the moms of bf toddlers say they won't self wean till after 2. I was trying to do the weaning or at least nudging in the direction of self sufficiency if necessary, because I have to be away from her for a Fri eve through Sundayreally Monday at 1am. She'll be with my mom and I worry they'll both go mad. But I have to, it's my certification exam and it's only offered every two years. Gotta do it to get a job.

Fortunately we realized she likes french fries (a fave of my husband), so now we're going to give them to her lots. She saw a cold dead one on the floor this morning and pointed to it, so she got fries for breakfast!! (we made new ones)

With re: my husband, he hasn't been interested since we got pregnant, and while we'd like to get pregnant again soon, but we aren't actively trying to conceive (since there's no activity going on). he hasn't got much libido so we're going to have to figure something out -- massive inebriation, perhaps, but we're both likely to fall asleep...

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

If she's not eating, or eating a very limited diet I recommend having a look on amazon at my child won't eat. Also, have a look on kellymom at toddler nutrition.

As for her not wanting to be left, have a look on kellymom at separation anxiety and while you are at it have a look at askdrsears 12 alternatives for the all night nurser

If you are leaving her with your mum for a whole weekend, could they stay near to you so that you can still do some feeds? Maybe doing some trial runs of a few hours may help too. A bit like the settling in sessions that cms and nurseries do.

If you are thinking of stopping bfing altogether before the weekend I really recommend talking to a BFC on one of the helplines now, she will be able to come up with a plan that should be gentle on LO and reduce your risk of mastitis. If you haven't got the numbers try googling the National Bfing Helpline.