Bugger. I think I've reached the end of the line.

[UsedUpAndWornOut]

Last academic year 17/18 I took a job in a school, it wasn't a step up but a change of direction and... I hated it.
I had handed in my 31st August notice before the end of March, I did a good job but I knew it wasn't for me.

I decided to do supply from September to give myself time to regroup and decide what to do next.

All of my lesson obs were good at the school I hated.
But somehow through the whole experience has shattered my confidence.
I've had three interviews since September and screwed the lesson up spectacularly. I've been a teacher 15 years! I can do this in my sleep but interviews make me shake with fear, the lesson is the worst bit by far, at the risk of sounding stupidly dramatic; I'm gripped with blind terror.

18 months ago I was a good/outstanding teacher. Now I can't even get a job. I'm not doing myself justice.

In desperation I've applied for jobs outside of teaching - admin on half the salary I would get on m6 + ups - but I can't get any interviews because, presumably, they look at my CV and see 'teacher' and assume I can't do anything else.

I don't mind supply teaching itself but there's no pension/holiday/sick pay and the daily rate is terrible. The job itself isn't as bad as you might assume but it's still a lot of job for not much money.

Wtf do I do?
TIA.

[rosesinmygarden]

I tutor from home and bring in as much as I did working part time. I do about 18 hours a week in term time including some local authority tuition work. In the holidays I run run lessons and 11 plus courses. I have my life back and although I now work Saturday mornings and get less holiday I'm nowhere near as worn out so it doesn't bother me.

[rosesinmygarden]

And I do 3/4 mornings a month supply along some freelance writing work. Best thing I ever did.
It's taken me about 2 years to build up a client base but I now have tuition waiting lists until 2024 and fill my time spots easily.

[Noonemournsthewicked]

At M6 you may lose out to cheaper candidates anyway but don't let that put you off.
Supply teaching built my confidence up after a traumatic time at 2 different schools so continue to use it. I don't think 3 interviews is enough to give up on it if you still want to teach. There's so many schools and so many vacancies that 3 is nothing.

[UsedUpAndWornOut]

That's useful to know Roses, I've considered tutoring my first subject is a core subject and a shortage subject but I'm not sure where to start? There are plenty of tutoring companies around but they seem to take a lot of your earnings but I wondered whether it was worth being employed by them instead of the PITA that is being at least partially self employed?

For tutoring work where do you advertise?

Noone I agree, strictly speaking I should be on UPS 3 so I'm potentially really pricey. I do get the interviews so I know that on paper I'm not pricing myself out of the market but for their investment they could quite reasonably expect me to at least be able to teach a decent interview lesson.

Trouble is, my confidence was low anyway and it gets worse with every crap interview lesson. To the point where my nerves overwhelm me completely. Which makes me more nervous, I visibly shake during those lessons. In turn, this makes me even more nervous and so it gets worse.

As I've taught supply my past few placements have said they would employ me, this is because they've seen me really teach, rather than teaching interview lessons.

Intellectually I know I'm still a good teacher, in reality I'm not demonstrating this and I don't know how to get over it.

I've turned down two maternity cover interviews this week because I can't face them.

[astuz]

A lot of people get jobs in schools that they do supply in - perhaps just wait until you do some supply in a school that offer you a job (as long as you like it there, of course)?

Your other option is to tackle the interview nerves, I don't know if GPs can prescribe something? Or look at getting some counselling? Or if you don't fancy/can't afford full on counselling, there are books on CBT - I bought one a couple of years ago when I kept feeling really nervous in lessons after a career break, and it did help a lot.

[UsedUpAndWornOut]

The GP has prescribed me a beta blocker but it's not really working and a mild Valium but again, even that isn't enough to calm my nerves.

As I can't face interviews I think I've reached the end of the road. Schools rarely employ from supply these days as they have to pay such high agency fees.

I said upthread that I have applied for admin roles, not in schools but nada.

I'm feeling utterly defeated.

[Noonemournsthewicked]

Have you thought of FE or HE roles rather than admin?

Much nicer environment than compulsory education and money is not bad. (obviously s significant drop from UPS3 but more than basic admin)