Depressed teacher

[Kinderegg89]

Mumsnet


Talk Primary education
single mum/teacher7
Yesterday 18:20 Kinderegg89

I have been working in my school for three years now and do not have my dip completed. There have been many times I could have completed my dip but was always given to another person, which was fine- until the end of last term (June 2017). I worked obscenely hard , like most teachers do, working late, displays, extra school activities etc. My daughter goes to the school too. My principal has a reputation but I seemed to be on her ‘good’ side for the most part. My daughters teacher went on maternity leave in May and I was asked to cover- I immediately said yes as it was classroom experience in a class I knew was up for a job this school year. On the second last week of school, a lesson didnt go well as planned, my daughter started acting up and when I said you will have to go to another room she push her table over (while sitting down) in defiance. I turned the table the right way up and removed her from the class and carried on with my day. The principal was not in this day and by the time she did come back I thought i dealt with the matter. The next day, the principal revieced a complaint by a parent in the class saying that her child was too scared to come to school because I was shouting and what had happened. I didnt shout or roar- if anything I said this is not how we behave in class and then sent her to another room. The rest in of the class were fine when she left. The principal talked to my daughter and she was sent to another class in tears. She then called me in the middle of a lesson and said there was a complaint- she said I seemed to be struggling with the class (I wasn’t) and that I am a teacher first and a mum second and said I shoudl have asked for help (I did with the other teacher I sent her to her classroom) she then kept saying let it go , let it go and I burst into tears and agreed to everything she said like a fool because I was so upset I didnt think straight. She persisted to bombarred me with questions of where do you see yourself in five years time etc. The whole school found out about it as she sent my daughter to another class for the last week of school. I still to this day do not know who this parent was that complained. I was beyond mortified. I couldnt sleep or eat for the last week of school. I dont evean know how i managed to show up for the interview. The principal did not contact me after the interviews. All my hard work down the drain.I stayed in bed all summer and spiralled into a deep depression which I still have. Seven weeks later (aug 2017) she offered me a maternity in resource (again) and I had to say yes as no other school came back to me with an interview. I had to face the school and parents dropping my daughter off as my contract did not start until the 25th of Sept, I was having panic attacks so my father had to drop my child to school. I have been back to school and I feel evryone around me thinks im a failure and a joke. I had two interviews last week,, gave my all, and still no word. I have been to counselling, doctors you name it. My life is ruined by one stupid day. I have lost all my faith and confidence in my teaching abilities. I cant enjoy life with my daughter anymore. I wanted to complete my dip this year- I deserved a chance. The vice principal said at the time she had me down for a job and then the incident happened. Im afraid to talk to principal about this again as I already broke down in front of her crying and I dont want to do it again. Im a single mum, Ive always tried to get on with parents in my daughters class but fear they think i a horrible teacher and my daughter is too. I had a feeling they didnt like me teaching the class but I couldnt say no to my boss. All the joy has been sucked out of my life, six months of hating myself , snapping at friends and family and feeling lonely all the time. I know in hindsight I shouldn't have taught my daughter but it was a chance to progress my career that I worked so hard to get for us. What can I do? Im on the brink of suicide , I want to die but I enjoyed my life up until this point and I just wan to get back to normal or Im going to miss out on happy mments with my child. Sorry for he long post.

[happyout17]

You made one mistake 6 months ago and now seem to be deeply depressed. I think you should see your GP as I don’t really think your reaction is proportional to what happened.
Good luck x

[thatone]

I agree with happyout see your GP. You did not do anything terrible and you are putting too much pressure on yourself. All teachers have tales of problem parents and bad lessons and lapses in confidence and judgement - try to remember the good things you did and don't let your perceptions about what other parents might think define you.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I do think you need to see a GP. I am assuming your daughter is primary aged, so I'm concerned that you say you are a single mum and you stayed in bed all summer and spiralled into a deep depression.

You need help for your own sake, but especially for your daughter. She needs you to be well and able to care for her and you sound very poorly.

[Pluckedpencil]

They shouldn't have put you in the class with your daughter. Your situation is beyond difficult. I would write a letter to your head, a short letter. Explaining that this incident and the way it was handled has really cast a shadow on your teaching and you don't think it was adequately resolved at the time. I would also say that you would very much appreciate the chance to show what you are capable of when you don't have the dual pressure of having your own child in the class with you, and hope they consider you for next year under more normal circumstances.

[Kinderegg89]

Thank you for your kind messages. I went to doctors/ counselling all summer and still going. I'm on my fourth medication and since upping the medication in the last week and a half I haven't cried or felt as ill. Feeling better slowly but surely. It was like going through a heartbreak as daft as that sounds. I worked so hard and settled on the idea that I was going to get a class this year. The idea of teachers, parents talking about me has decreases a little and my anxiety is not as bad. I did two interviews last week without the need of a xanax. Although I did not get either job, the feedback from interview was good and they said we had someone in the school already so they were getting job. Finding it very tough as I can't compete with that. I really don't want this one incident to ruin future chances of getting a job.