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Needy student-secondary school

(22 Posts)
MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 07:47:34

I have a student who cries about coming in to school and doesn't engage in lessons.
She does her class work and homework but she doesn't talk to anyone and doesn't really participate in group work. If she gets the chance to chose where she sits then she chooses to sit away from everyone else.

What can I do to help her? She always seems to be in her own world and looking sad but she refuses to talk to anyone. Parents say that she's just a quiet person.

Sleeperandthespindle Sun 15-Jan-17 08:20:26

Do you do THRIVE in your school, or any other mental health work? Parents need to engage with you more here. What year is she? Is she in your tutor group?

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 09:55:51

She is in my tutor group. We have a school nurse who she's seen once and she refuses to see her again. She's 15

Titsywoo Sun 15-Jan-17 09:59:27

Surely she needs to be seen by camhs? What are her parents doing to help? Is she new to the school?

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 10:11:16

She has been at the school since the middle of year 9,now year 10.

Her parents say that she is usually quiet and likes to keep to herself. The school have referred her to Camhs before and did an assessment. All we got out of that was that she is just shy and didn't need help from Camhs.

Her previous school describe her as quiet,hardworking and had a big circle of friends and could sometimes be too chatty and off topic in lessons.

She seems the complete opposite here and she isn't having any issues with the other students in the year,she's very attached to her mum and dad,there doesn't seem to be anything going on at home. Something just doesn't seem right.

cupsanddogs Sun 15-Jan-17 10:18:26

I have a very similar child, although she doesn't cry coming in lessons she is very needy and would happily not talk to people in school. In fact often the very presence of other kids annoys her.
Mine has sen though.

As the girl didn't seem like this at her old school do you think she has just struggled greatly with the move?

Mine has done a lot of self esteem, confidence type workshops which has really helped but it doesn't sound like this girl would engage.

Is there anything she really loves (music, dance, drama, art etc ) that you could use to boost her confidence and social involvement?

cupsanddogs Sun 15-Jan-17 10:19:53

She is very clingy to staff members though. It is just other kids she doesn't tolerate.

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 10:28:55

She avoids everyone. I've noticed when others have tried to make conversation with her in form she cuts the conversation short.

'I had such a good weekend,I went to ice skating with my family'

And then she will just answer with something like 'cool' or 'good for you.'

When she needs help in class she will not put her hand up,I also teach her and she has never made eye contact or looked up in my lessons. Other members of staff have said the same.

I know she has music lessons in school and takes part in activities outside of school and has friends there.

Titsywoo Sun 15-Jan-17 10:36:10

She sounds depressed. No way it that just shyness.

cupsanddogs Sun 15-Jan-17 10:36:45

Tbh she sounds very like my dd.
After years dd now does have a friendship group but it is very much on her terms and she frequently gets annoyed at them.

I'm not sure what to suggest if she won't engage. If she was happy and not crying I would say she was just shy but she sounds very sad.

ATailofTwoKitties Sun 15-Jan-17 10:42:33

Sounds like she's desperately missing her previous friends to the point of grieving for them.

NicknameUsed Sun 15-Jan-17 10:47:50

That sounds exactly like DD. She was subjected to some really nasty psychological bullying in year 10 and it has massively affected her self esteem and given her really bad social anxiety. She never initiates conversation with someone she doesn't know and wouldn't engage with the the person responsible for pastoral care in year 10.

She is starting group CBT at CAMHS soon and I hope it will help her.

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 10:47:55

She is very sad. I tried to catch up with her after school one day and asked her If she was okay and she burst out crying. Once she calmed down I asked her if she would go back to her previous school if she could and she said no.

She won't open up and tell us what's wrong.

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 10:50:52

I honestly don't think she is being bullied. At lunch she sits in the music room and plays piano,she's been here a while and no one has managed to get a conversation out of her.

NicknameUsed Sun 15-Jan-17 10:53:27

Perhaps she was bullied at her old school? It takes a lot of skill to get someone that anxious to open up. She is very lucky that she has you looking out for her. I think the only thing you can do is keep the communication channels open and maybe one day she will trust you enough to talk to you.

At least DD will talk to people, but she always waits for someone else to initiate the conversation.

cupsanddogs Sun 15-Jan-17 11:11:06

Do you know why she changed school?

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 11:16:28

She changed school because the family moved house. I don't know the reason why they moved.

grumpmitchell Sun 15-Jan-17 12:35:17

There's no chance that she's on the spectrum is there? Some of the things you've mentioned remind me of my ds who is recently diagnosed at 13. In our case CAMHS didn't pick it up. It was an art therapist who raised it and supported his diagnosis.

Scarydinosaurs Sun 15-Jan-17 12:37:15

Does she have any friends at all?

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 13:00:41

I really don't know her so can't say if I think there's a possibility that she could be on the spectrum. It's as if she's gone through something traumatic.

She has no friends in school but her parents say she takes part in out side of school activities and has friends there.

cupsanddogs Sun 15-Jan-17 15:27:02

I'm too wondering if she was bullied at the previous school. Mine had some awful bullying and its taken her ages to feel comfortable in school again.

MissPolkaDotDot Sun 15-Jan-17 15:48:08

I'll see if head of year knows anything else about her moving school. If she's been bullied then I could totally understand why she's afraid to talk to people. I just want to help her but I'm not quite sure how

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