I have been a teacher for well over 20 years. I have been in my current school for over 13 years. I am pretty much the last of the people who were there when I started.
I am not an outstanding teacher and I admit I never will be but I am a good, steady, competent teacher.
3 years ago our school was Ofsteded. I was observed twice. Once I was told my lesson was a solid good lesson, nothing special but good. In the second lesson I went against all my instincts and crashed and burned. I was the first to admit it was a shite lesson. SLT did not take my failure well. At that inspection we went into Notice to Improve. As one of the teachers who was seen to be inadequate I was subjected to a high level f scrutiny and I have now developed a high degree of anxiety around observations. It does not matter how much I prepare, who I get to check my planning, I still perform badly.
My role over the past two years involved boosting individual children and covering for team leaders on a rotating timetable so there is very little evidence of progress for children I teach.
In the terms that followed I was observed by people from the authority and the SLT. On one memorable occasion a group of children didn't understand so I adapted my planning to suit and addressed the issue. The observer was full of all the positive things I'd done but then graded me as inadequate because the children who hadn't undstood hadn't made enough progress.
I then had a series of lessons graded as good with outstanding features and began to breath again.
At my end of year interview last year I asked to be moved out of my current year group and into the key stage where my strengths lie. My request was refused and my role was changed.
I teach a group of children and I have the brief to get them to level 3 by the end of ks1. We have a culture of 'optimism' over children's levels and, unfortunately, the group I have are not as bright as perhaps their levels suggest....
I was observed at the midpoint of last term and given requires improvement, the criticisms were fair and I worked to address them. I was put on a TIP and I worked hard to meet the tasks on there. About a week before the follow up observation I was/asked to vacate my teaching space and move to an area that is basically a corridor. In my follow up observation it was noted that I had addressed all the issues from before. I was, however, given requires improvement for a new set of issues....
I was then off sick with a chest infection and a sinus infection and the support I was promised did not materialise.
I was observed on Friday morning by my 'mentor' who gave me a list of things I do well and a few minor things to address. This is the sum total of the support I have had.
I will be observed again on Tuesday by a member of the slt as a follow up to my last requires improvement lesson.
I have also discovered on Friday that I am to be subjected to a lesson 'pop in' , two learning walks and a third formal observation. This will all happen before the end of January.
I am broken. The kids I teach are making progress but, spookily enough, it isn't linear and is not fast enough for the liking of the SLT. I spend my lessons building confidence, convincing these children that they are capable of the work. They are just starting to blossom but it isn't fast enough.
I know I will be on capability by the end of next week.
I am broken. Maybe they are right and I am rubbish. They are holding up the fact that my team leader's group have made faster progress than mine but there are times when she has 15 children in her room and 4 or 5 adults.
I can only see one way out.
I apologise for the epic length! I doubt there is much you can say. I just needed to wail a bit to people who might understand.
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On the road to capability. Broken and need to wail.
40 replies
neverputasockinatoaster · 11/01/2014 14:51
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