Lovely boy become a nightmare.

[Trickyboy]

Hi. Anyone out there with advice regarding my darling boy..

Have been a cat owner for 54 years and never before had a problem like this. My gorgeous adored (neutered) boy has taken to disrupting the house at night .. especially me.

He will come to bed with me about 10/11pm settle down on the bed and go to sleep as good as gold. Gets to 3am and he starts hassling.. really really hassling. Trying to lick my skin (any bit that is not hidden inside the duvet .. so ears, face, .. whilst purring at 1k decibels in my ear.. I try to hide under the covers but he just continues.. trying to get a paw in wherever he sees a little gap.. this will go on for an hour by which time one of two things happen.

1. I give in and give him some food.. he then leaves me alone and goes out or comes back to bed and goes to sleep beautifully by my feet.. (this is of course reinforces his disrupted behaviour) so rinse and repeat EVERY night. .. if I don't give in ...

1. He goes into my daughters room and picks a fight with his much smaller angelic sister who sleeps soundly all night on the bottom shelf of daughters wardrobe..

I have spoken to the vets but their only suggestion is a timed feeder so he can eat in the middle of the night. This arrived today - but still seems wrong . He has more than adequate food. He is not fat, in fact according to vet at 5k perfect for his size.. and he is 6 .. had them both since kittens . Why has this started in last 3 months. ?

A bit of 'social background' in case relevant. We moved a year ago. We lived rurally but a really busy fast road at the front of the house. I chose somewhere very remote for their safety. We are in a farm, down a track, hundreds of a acres to roam. (Which he does) .. at the old house we lived with my husband. Sadly DH has some MH issues that are challenging- and whilst I can cope I decided it wasn't fair on DD whilst she was doing A levels. (Boy cat would never disturb DH and I when we lived in the same house. )
So I moved here and DH to a flat up the road. I leave my boy and visit DH 2/3 nights a week.. on the nights I'm not home - he just does the same to DD...

We adore them both but he is driving us crazy ... any ideas cat whisperers ?

Just to add.. he LOVES me.. slightly obsessed .. in fact. Very very cuddly. Also has full access to come and go through cat flap..

[VenusClapTrap]

It sounds like he’s upset and discombobulated by the move and by you going away several nights a week, and needs the reassurance of your attention in the night. Have you tried just giving him attention rather than feeding him?

Dcat sometimes does this, especially when she’s a bit upset about something, like builders being in, or after we’ve been away on holiday. I just give her lots of strokes and after ten mins of fierce purring and rubbing she settles down again and goes back to sleep.

It’s not exactly a solution, but might be better than getting up and feeding him?

You could also try a Feliway plug-in. They are really good at calming stressed cats.

[Runningoutofnamestochange]

Could DH not visit you instead of you leaving?
I agree with pp, he’s upset and misses you when you go. He wakes to make sure you are still there, you started feeding so now it’s become a habit I suppose.

[Snowdrop30]

Can you pop him in a kitchen or utility room at night? With food, water, a litter tray and a warm bed of course.

[steppemum]

my cat does this when we come home from holiday.
So I echo what the pp have said.

But also when he does do it, I put him out of my bedroom door, and shut it.
That does sort of depend on your dds door being shut too. So I wuold go out,shut her door, leave him on landing and shut my door.

Now my cat might then be a pain meowing for attention, especially if he thinks he is hungry (he isn't there is food, but he want ssomeone to escort him to the bowl and show him )

But he gets the message.
So I would say choose one method and do it. Out of door, door shut, no attention.

[Trickyboy]

Thank you all very much. I think you are right about him missing me and needing the attention. It's just such a hard one to juggle. DH has quite poorly controlled Bi-Polar and can be a complete pain in the arse drama queen.. over the smallest thing. (Whilst being completely lovely for long periods) .. DD just got completely fed up with him and what she sees as attention grabbing behaviour. So separating for a period - where I could give DD undivided attention and the same to DH in their own spaces seemed like a good compromise until DD went to Uni.
Then Covid happened. DD deferred Uni. I LOVE our drama free household . Bipolar DH and teens would each other up (with me in the middle) i Love seeing DH who is so much better away from family/kids stress. Now all I need to do is work out how I can split myself in two AND give his furry-highness ALL the attention he desires...

I can't put him out side the door or in the utility .. he will literally throw himself against the door and scream.. for hours..also really seems unfair when his issue is attention.

I think I will try a different pattern of staying with DH . At present I go in the evening say on a Monday and stay 2 nights coming home Wednesday morning. Staying home Wednesday and Thursday going to see DH Friday night coming home Saturday.
I am going to change to only staying one night at a time and give him lots of sleepy cuddles when he starts his Shenanigans..