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I don't feel like I can cope without my boy.

(20 Posts)
sugarplumfairy28 Fri 11-Nov-16 19:40:13

4 weeks ago tomorrow, my most precious and once in in a lifetime cat George passed away at the age of 6 - with absolutely no reason. I can't put into words just how much he meant to me.

My husband suffers with Rapid cycling bipolar disorder. While he is actually fairly managed, my George was pretty much my coping mechanism. He just knew me, he could read me so well. If I was having a stressful day, or just needed some calm time, he would find me, and insist on having a cuddle. He was a massive lump of love, being 6,5kg and 110cm. He just knew that I needed him. Stupid as it sounds, sometimes I would talk to him. I think more than anything my tone of voice meant he would react in whatever way I needed.

We live pretty much in the sticks, and he has done incredibly well at reducing a mouse problem in our garden that was ruining the garden. I have also come to learn where all the moles where coming from he brought back. We now have a rather large mole problem in the garden.

We have 9 other cats, and he has left a huge great big power void. I have 4 boys all trying to be dominant, and 2 girls giving it a go too. I have one sensitive soul (our first) who has just completely withdrawn from everything. She has been in a bathroom drawer (that I can't top her getting in) and refuses to come out of. She has lost an incredible amount of weight. We have had to set her up in my bedroom to just get her eating.

I feel so hopeless, he has left so many voids all over the place. I'm struggling to get through a day without crying. I know should look after myself, but I don't know when enough is enough and to sit down and chill out - George just knew.

I don't know what to do.

Puffinity Fri 11-Nov-16 20:12:23

Hi! I haven't got much advice to offer, but do want to offer my sympathies. Be kind to yourself - you're grieving and it sounds like you have a lot on at the best of times. Allow yourself to be sad - there is nothing wrong with crying everyday (unless it is making you more upset of course). Do you want to share stories/ memories or even photos about George here? I love the name btw! flowers

joangray38 Fri 11-Nov-16 20:16:04

I am so sorry, George sounds like he was a fabulous one of a kind cat , your cats will sort out their hierarchy in time.

sugarplumfairy28 Fri 11-Nov-16 20:20:26

That would be nice Puff. I posted, I think out of shock, the day I lost him, and shared this photo, which sums me and him up. He was called George, because my Dad used to do this thing with our old family cat Dozie. He would pat him on the head and say "I shall pat you on the head and call you George and you shall be happy" My weird logic was, if I called him George he would always be happy - apparently it worked.

Wolfiefan Fri 11-Nov-16 20:25:43

Oh sugar what a lovely story and what a beautiful boy. I'm so sorry for your loss. The other cats will sort themselves out.
You can cry. You can sob. But one day you will think of him and smile. You will remember something that makes you happy and not sad. Not yet. But you will. That day maybe he will be patting you on the head and calling you George.

cozietoesie Fri 11-Nov-16 20:35:55

How is your husband doing without George around?

Puffinity Fri 11-Nov-16 20:37:03

Aww, what a lovely story! He looks wonderful! He reminds me a bit of the cat who regularly visited our apartment when we lived abroad. He was a completely different character though - a bit Jekyll and Hyde and not so big just fat. We loved him nonetheless! Not sure how regularly you post on MN, but I assume you don't mind you're identifiable in those pics?

SnakeWitch Fri 11-Nov-16 20:39:00

Oh sugar, those pictures are beautiful. He looks exactly like my cat, even the same expression and the way they sit - especially the diving pose. I imagine he was a huge character.

I love the story of how he got his name, that's lovely.

It sounds as though you have lost a very dear friend, he just happened to be feline. I hope you don't mind but I looked up this for you
If you're struggling, maybe it's worth ringing one of the support lines? Apologies if you're not interested.

flowers for you. It's OK to be upset but please seek help if it's feeling too much.

Lilacpink40 Fri 11-Nov-16 20:39:57

So sorry. Take time to cry and grieve, this is a sad loss. flowers

Ot took me three months to save another fluffy bundle after my loss, but she helped me. When it's right for you, I think you have love for another puss without feeling bad for George, whom you clearly loved.

sugarplumfairy28 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:00:14

cozie DH isn't too bad. George most certainly was mine, and DH has a few of his cats. He is sad, but he said it's seeing me like this that's breaking his heart. That in turn makes me feel worse, as I just can't help it. I have noticed he has been a lot more cuddly with his cats. I think that's why I wanted to just post here, rather than upsetting DH.

puff I don't mind, mostly because the ones you can see me in, I don't actually really look like that any more.

snake he was truly was the most beautiful animal. We are very lucky that his decendants take after him, even if no single one is a patch on him. Thank you for the link, made me feel better that there are people who understand to the extent of offering help like that. I might see how I go over the weekend.

Lilac ironically we already have a house full. We have 9 other cats, and I do have 2 dogs. I know this is terrible, but none of them are him. I have his son, Suru sitting with me, and I know he is trying to comfort me, but it's just not the same. I can honestly say though I will never live in a house without animals.

Meemolly Fri 11-Nov-16 21:03:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my 6 year old only cat this week, and I feel like my heart is broken so I understand perhaps some of how you feel. She was the same, she knew exactly how I felt and was always just 'there'. When I felt stressed she would lie against my head in bed. She was my 'one of a kind'. Devastated doesn't even touch it. I am just so happy she was in my life. She was amazing. So sorry and I hope you can use this space to vent how you are feeling. Take care.

Potentialmadcatlady Fri 11-Nov-16 21:06:37

Massive hugs...grief is a hideously awful's messy and scary and just plain rotten....I love the Name George and he sounded like such a special boy....

cozietoesie Fri 11-Nov-16 21:14:55

Would your DH be OK with you, say, 'withdrawing' for an hour or two each day - a sort of structured break - and going for a snooze with Drawercat? You'd still be in the house after all and she sounds as if she's hurting badly and could do with some extra TLC and cuddles.

sugarplumfairy28 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:38:45

cozie I think that may be the idea for the weekend, unfortunately due to when DH gets in from work, kids, dinner etc, there just isn't time on a week day.

Drawer cat, that made me laugh, otherwise known as Momo, is almost certainly doing this because of George. When we got her, we also got her sister, Mimi. When they were just 5 months old, we lost Mimi to a tragic horrible accident. Momo was like this then. We ended up after 3 months, having to get her a new sister for her, Lady. Pretty much over night our normal Momo was back. Unfortunately we lost Lady 4 years ago to a gang of foxes. Momo didn't do this then, but she did have her son Suru. Suru is busy trying to be dominant at the moment and I think she is grieving and pining for George. She is definitely a lot happier in our room, she's not hiding, and she is pigging out a bit. I think Momo cuddles may be a way forward, at least at the weekend.

ToujeoQueen Fri 11-Nov-16 21:43:27

I'm so sorry on the passing of your beautiful boy George flowers
I think cozietosie has offered very good advice wrt drawercat.

cozietoesie Fri 11-Nov-16 21:45:07

Good. An afternoon cuddle-snooze with a cat and a hot cup of tea in bed at the end may not be a cure for absolutely everything but it does pretty well for most things nonetheless.

Lots of luck. smile

Vinorosso74 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:49:22

Lovely photos and he looks like my last cat (who our old neighbours thought looked like a George).
I'm sorry for your loss, cry away he was clearly a special friend to you. Look after yourself and all your beautiful feline friends.

MsMims Fri 11-Nov-16 23:11:09

I remember the photos from your other thread and thought then how dedicated to you he looked. It's clear he absolutely adored you. Such a handsome lad he looks too.

Regarding your other cats, we too have a similar number and one when sadly passes away there has been the same sort of tension and jostling for the number one spot. We've even had cats who previously ignored each other grooming one another in the aftermath of a death. Just to say that when we lost our first cat the remaining ones did eventually settle down. We lost a second cat earlier this year and again, there was a lot of tension which has mostly reduced now, although they aren't as harmonious as when our lovely boy was alive. Hoping that will improve with time but definitely normal. Also, regardless of how many you have, they are all individuals who are loved and treated as such. Having a house full doesn't help when you miss that one certain cat.

I was very unwell when we lost our first cat, like you it was a sudden shock although she was older than your lovely George which is another injustice - he was in his prime and that's so unfair on you and him. But it took me a long time to get over losing our first cat, she had been with me through so much, I just went through the grieving process and kept going for the sake of my other pets. It sounds like Momo could do with you loving her up, and some quality time together.

I do still cry now and then about the cats we've lost, and I think about them and miss them most days. But I can also now see that the alternative would have been to have never had them at all, and that's awful, far more awful than losing them. You were lucky to have had George and he was lucky to have spent his life with you.

timtam23 Fri 11-Nov-16 23:18:30

Lovely photos OP and I am really sorry to hear about George flowers

sugarplumfairy28 Sun 13-Nov-16 09:20:37

Yesterday didn't go so well. Had so much going on and kids were driving us both crazy, I just ended up missing him so much. I did go and spend some time with our Momo but somehow I just ended up feeling worse, in thinking George would do X - which I know is totally unfair on her.

DH found and sent me a sound recording he made just the week before we lost George. It was of him purring while laying in bed with me. Really pleased I at least have that.

This is what I still have of George. This is what he gave me. It is literally (when it gets to normal) a house of love.

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