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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

The litter tray

My cat has to be PTS, any tips on discussing with DDs?

21 replies

EauRouge · 25/04/2014 17:48

Our poor cat, he's only 10 but he's got such a big tumour that there's nothing the vet can do. We've got him home hopefully for the weekend so they can do a home visit on Monday which will be much nicer for him.

Our DDs (5yo and 3yo) love the cats, especially DD1 who is cat obsessed. She's recently learning about death and we'd spent ages reassuring her that our cats are young and have plenty of time left. So this is going to be very hard for her. ANy tips on how and when to tell them? Should we let them be there when he goes? I am going to be a total wreck (already am) so will be no help. DH will be there.

THanks.

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Report

cozietoesie · 25/04/2014 18:39

timtam linked to \link{https://www.bluecross.org.uk/files/childrens%20leaflet.pdf\this leaflet} earlier in the week, Eau. You may find it useful.

How about yourself? Will you manage?

EauRouge · 25/04/2014 18:46

Thanks so much for all your help x

I'll survive! I've got plenty of booze and our other cat is still in rude health.

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cozietoesie · 25/04/2014 18:56

Well come and dump on here if you feel low or angry or something. It's a hard, hard time even though it's the right and loving thing to do.

EauRouge · 25/04/2014 19:16

Thank you. I don't think it's quite hit me yet. Have ordered The Tenth Good Thing About Barney for the DDs and been warned not to have them there when he actually goes.

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Fuzzymum1 · 25/04/2014 19:46

When we had one of ours PTS we let the children be there - the youngest was about 4 or 5 and was scared it would be horrible for the cat. We explained she would have an injection and then she wouldn't know what was happening - we tried very hard not to use the fact she would fall asleep as we'd had sleep issues with DS before that and didn't want to create new fears for him. We all stood around and stroked and talked to him while he went and it was very peaceful and DS said it wasn't scary at all.

Lonecatwithkitten · 25/04/2014 19:48

Goodbye dear Mog is an excellent book for this. The truth is always the best way Dcats body is not working properly and is not going to get better.

dolphinsandwhales · 25/04/2014 19:51

Eaurouge I'm so sorry. My cat had to be pts last week and my 2yo was with me as it was an emergency appt. Luckily I told her kitty was going to sleep and she was oblivious. I wouldn't recommend having a child with you when it's done. Actually I'd keep the whole thing as. low key as possible with dc to spare them the upset but that's just my opinion.

Hope you're ok tho

LadyWithLapdog · 27/04/2014 22:07

Sorry about your cat, EauRouge. We are in the same situation. The DCs want to be there when the cat is PTS but I'm not sure. They also want to bury her in the garden, are there any regulations about this or can we do it? Again, I'm not sure this is a good idea.

cozietoesie · 27/04/2014 22:39

I'm almost in two minds about it. Lady. The decision was taken out of my hands with my last two cats but with my second last dog, I left the vet to it and departed myself. I did know, however, that the vet, who knew him 'socially', adored him and that he was going to go in love. (He was completely out of it and no longer knew who was there.) Much of my leaving was in fact to do with sparing her the trouble of keeping her own feelings under control. She was crying so hard that my only concern was whether she would be able to hold the implement.

(I don't know how vets manage to do it, day after day, and to hold themselves together. I don't think I would have the courage.)

On the other hand, I was with my grandmother when she died and it was .....fitting, somehow. And calming to all of us who were there. (Her women-kin as it happened.)

I think, on balance, I would let them be there if you're to be there. It would be a calm and peaceful farewell.

I'd cremate her and then, perhaps, bury the ashes. I had no choice but to bury my own last two boys, cremation facilities not being available, but I'd have cremated if I could.

cozietoesie · 27/04/2014 22:40

(Sorry for the hijack, Eau.)

EauRouge · 28/04/2014 13:19

Hi Lady , so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing.

Bubbles passed away peacefully a couple of hours ago. The DDs wanted to be there when he went. TBH I was surprised at how quickly it happened, one minute he was sitting next to me and a few seconds later he was gone. The vet staff were very kind and sensitive (DDs currently making thank you cards for them). It was just like he was asleep, although his eyes were open and DD1 had a lot of questions about that, but she was very grown up about the whole thing unlike me.

We buried Bubbles in the garden- if you do the same with your cat I would recommend digging 3ft deep or more so he/she won't be disturbed. The DDs drew some flowers and whatnot on an old sheet to wrap him up in and this afternoon we're going to the garden centre so that they can choose some (no doubt garish) flowers and ornaments.

We were very honest throughout about what was happening and why. We didn't say anything about 'going to sleep' but instead said the vet would give him an injection so he wouldn't die in pain. The book we got, The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, really helped. The DDs have never been to church and don't know about heaven- the book leaves things open for the reader to decide. DD1 takes things quite literally so we didn't want any stories about the cat still being here in spirit and watching over us.

DD1 is saying 'Bubbles is going to be the beautifulest flower in the garden'. :)

Thank you cozie for being so nice This is a really hard time for me.

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LastingLight · 28/04/2014 18:51

(((HUGS))) to you and dd's.

timtam23 · 28/04/2014 21:06

So sorry EauRouge
A sad time for you all but I hope you were able to choose some lovely plants in memory of Bubbles

LadyWithLapdog · 28/04/2014 21:31

Sorry about your poor cat, EauRouge.

Thank you for sharing your experience on here. Food for thought. We haven't yet decided what to do, I'll let you know. We are also non-religious and the kids know/we told them that when you're dead and gone you're dead and gone, and that happens to cats too.

EauRouge · 29/04/2014 09:24

Thanks, I hope things go as smoothly as they can for you, Lady.

I forgot you could post photos on here, here's my boy-

My cat has to be PTS, any tips on discussing with DDs?

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timtam23 · 29/04/2014 21:50

Isn't he lovely, EauRouge. Gorgeous photo.

Lady thoughts with you also

LadyWithLapdog · 30/04/2014 09:43

A beautiful cat, EauRouge.

Thank you for your thoughts. I've just returned from the vet's. It was very peaceful and quick. I went on my own, the kids said their goodbye in the morning. Our lovely cat gave the DDs a laugh till the very end when she was poking her head out of the basket on the way to school, curious to the world around her.

EauRouge · 30/04/2014 09:46

Sorry for your loss, it's not easy I'm glad she went peacefully and without pain.

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LadyWithLapdog · 30/04/2014 10:05

Thank you. and thoughts to you too.

cozietoesie · 30/04/2014 10:21

So she went on the up? Good on her.

How are you doing?

LadyWithLapdog · 30/04/2014 12:43

I'm well, Cozietoesie. I went to a yoga class, so that took my mind off things. On getting home, I notice a neighbour's cat, who was in a love-hate relationship with ours, is prowling around in the garden. He/she is probably after a gentle fight and wondering how come he has the rule of the garden now.

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