Scratching and whining at the door after we've gone to bed

[doeswhatitsaysonthetin]

A few months ago our two dogs (age 9 and 8)started to scratch and whine at our bedroom door about ten minutes after we'd gone to bed. My DH got up and went to check on them and everything was fine but he decided to stay up with them for a while to settle them down again.

Next evening the same thing happened and again he got up and stayed up with them until they settled down but when he came back to bed they were scratching and whining again. I said to ignore it and they'll stop but he wouldn't do that and got up again . This has happened many times now and we take turns in getting up (I don't agree with him that we should do it, I think we should ignore it, but he shouts and swears at me if I refuse to get up).

So last night I was just getting in to bed and they started scratching and whining. I said to ignore it but he started shouting at me "what the f*'s wrong with you? You don't care about anybody but yourself!" He then got up himself to see to them and I went to sleep in the spare room.

I'm sick to death of it. I think that getting up is just reinforcing their behaviour but he simply won't listen to me and he's even said I'm evil because I refuse to get up to pander to them. Am I too hard or is he too soft?

[gamerchick]

Nah I'm with you. Course they're going to do it now it gets the desired effect.

Course you're going to get people saying your horrible for not letting them get under the covers with you.

[longearedbat]

Your dogs are training you! I agree with you, you need to nip this in the bud. I obviously don't know how your house is set up, but can you shut them away so they don't have access to your bedroom door? I would shut them away at night and ignore them, they'll soon get the message.

[doeswhatitsaysonthetin]

Thanks gamerchick and longearedbat it's good to know that I'm not alone in thinking that this isn't right.

Unfortunately, our house is open plan and it would be impossible to keep them away from our bedroom door.

I don't think it will stop until we stop responding to it.

[Applesaregreenandred]

Yes you need to ignore. My dog sleeps downstairs and we have a stair gate. He's fine when we first go up but if he hears one of us come down in the night (downstairs bathroom) he will sit at bottom of stairs and whine a bit but after minute or so goes back to his own bed (which is actually our sofa!)

[gamerchick]

Tell him you're going to the spare room until he finds a way to sort it without pandering to them.

I'd hazard a guess you'll find a husband and 2 dogs in bed in the morning at some point.

I'd also add that if he ever swore at you again he can fuck off and take the dogs with him but that's just me.

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

I bet if you left your door open they would just slope off and go to sleep!
Our ddogs just don't like closed doors!!

[Maddiii56]

Just get him put down?

[SpanielEars070]

You need a stair gate so they can see you.

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

Maddii I hope you meant her dh?

[doeswhatitsaysonthetin]

Maddiii56

They have the run of the house all day and night and the only doors that are closed are our bedroom and the spare room. We'd never get any sleep at all if they had access to our bedroom because they'd be on and off the bed all night and (believe it or not) my DH gets out of bed to lift them on to it!

I know it's not the dogs that are at fault, it's DH for responding to them, and he thinks it would be cruel not to.

[WildFlower2019]

Well the dogs have got him well trained haven't they.

Get him watching the naughty dog show with the dog trainer on channel 5. Naughtiest dogs I think it's called! It's very good.

[LikeACowsOpinion]

It's a DH problem, not a dog problem.

They've got him well trained and the fact that he's swearing at you and saying nasty things because you won't pander to them also (which, IMO, is the right thing to do) is a big issue.

I'd tell him to fuck off to the spare room and take the dogs with him. Then starfish all night long in peace.

--And put dog food in his breakfast the next morning.
--
Seriously, don't put up with him talking to you like that anymore. Much bigger issue than the dog whining.

[Maddiii56]

Yeah sure I meant the DH 😂

[doeswhatitsaysonthetin]

Then starfish all night long in peace

Yeah, you could be right @LikeACowsOpnion, perhaps it is more of a DH problem.

It does me good to know I'm not wrong in thinking that this can't go on.

[LikeACowsOpinion]

@doeswhatitsaysonthetin it's not right for him to react like that over the dogs.
He's prioritising them over you by the sounds of things.

You deserve more than that. Take care