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I love you but not your dog

(20 Posts)
Rainbowblume Sun 29-Oct-17 21:43:24

how would you want to be told this? Dear friends have become dog owners. They have visited us before but before they had a dog. Now they want to come again, with the dog. I don't want to receive a dog for a few days stay. I even hate it when dogs go straight through the house and sit on the balcony quietly while their owner has a coffee. I completely understand that for my friends, their dog is part of their family. How to say no without damaging the friendship? I'm asking here be because I imagine some of you might have had this come up so looking for ideas how to be kind but not do what I don't want to do.

Kurkku Sun 29-Oct-17 21:50:34

I would personally appreciate if my friend told me something like this honestly and clearly. Then again I would never impose our pets on anyone without asking and being sure they are truly welcome beforehand.
You do also need to keep in mind that your friends may not be willing and/or able to find an alternative arrangement for their pup while visiting you, so they might not visit you as often or for as long as before.

SavageCabbage Sun 29-Oct-17 21:50:37

If they want to come and are suggesting that they come then I think you can say

“wonderful, we would love it but unfortunately you wouldn’t be able bring Max”

I think that would be fine. They might just decide they won’t be able come but there is not much you can do about that.

Mishappening Sun 29-Oct-17 21:52:37

Love me, love my dog! No! Just tell them - they should not even ask. It is an imposition.

missyB1 Sun 29-Oct-17 21:57:25

Just tell them politely, they may not be able to come thoug.

snowtippedmountain Sun 29-Oct-17 22:15:04

Just be honest, that's how you feel about all dogs, it isn't a personal comment on theirs.
Dsis has a partner who loathes dogs and the mess/smell they bring so I was told clearly that mine wasn't welcome. It wasn't an issue, we all knew where we stood.

Oops4 Mon 30-Oct-17 00:18:01

We have friends that we have stayed with and vice versa a few times so the kids can have sleepovers. We got a dog last year and in a random conversation we were having about planning our next sleepover my friend said "what would you do with the dog if you came here, or would it be easier if we came to you?" I would never have expected to bring the dog but I thought that was quite a good way of her making her position clear. I did laugh at her a bit though as she had obviously been wondering how to say it and she tried so hard to make it subtle.

doodle01 Mon 30-Oct-17 00:22:14

It’s rude to ask and pointless as you’ll spend all day and night doing doggie things they just take over

In any case another persons dog drool hair smell and wiping bottom on carpet is not your prob

Your place will smell of wet dog long after they left

doodle01 Mon 30-Oct-17 00:24:21

Spilt dog water dog food
Love dogs but the one next door and walking dogs is sooooo boring and you have to pick up dog ... and can’t go in any decent cafe leave them in the car etc

AnUtterIdiot Mon 30-Oct-17 07:28:22

My dog is lovely but I wouldn't dream of taking him to someone's house if they weren't a dog person. I think just say. As long as you're not gratuitously unpleasant about the particular dog it should be fine.

AnUtterIdiot Mon 30-Oct-17 07:31:39

Tbh I don't always take my dog if people are dog people. I take him to a sitter or get a friend to look after him. I particularly prefer to avoid overnight or multinight stays in (a) houses with lots of steep stairs (greyhound) or (b) v young children (too small to understand when he wants to be on his own and for some reason dog-friendly parents don't really watch their children around dogs they consider friendly so I feel like I am constantly helicoptering for them - he IS a very gentle and patient dog but he's still a dog!)

Wolfiefan Mon 30-Oct-17 07:32:15

Say you'd love to have them but the the dog can't come. Doesn't matter whether you like, love or loathe it! It's your house. You've chosen not to have a dog. Therefore it's a dog free house!
Be prepared for them to refuse to come though.

BiteyShark Mon 30-Oct-17 07:43:57

Perfectly acceptable to say no dog. But equally perfectly acceptable for them to say can't visit if they don't want to or can't make suitable arrangements for the dog.

Ellapaella Mon 30-Oct-17 08:28:02

I wouldn’t even take our dog to my parents house as they aren’t huge dog lovers and they have a nervous cat. Most people wouldn’t presume they could take a dog - just tell them I’m sure they’ll understand even if they can’t come.

Hoppinggreen Mon 30-Oct-17 09:04:43

I would never expect to visit anyone with my dog
I Take him to mils at her request but that's all.

Elphame Mon 30-Oct-17 09:39:35

We were due to visit some very long standing but non dog owning friends with a beautiful flat 3 weeks after getting Elfpup.

I knew they wouldn't really want him in their flat even if they said it was OK so I just said we have a pup, want to come here instead and they came to us and we had a very nice weekend.

NoSquirrels Mon 30-Oct-17 13:05:33

Did they say "please can we bring the dog?" If so, you can just say "I'd rather you didn't- will that be a problem?" And go from there.

DancingOnParsnips Mon 30-Oct-17 14:03:15

I would never bring a dog unless invited - not even to walk through house to balcony. do prefer doggy people though

sonjadog Mon 30-Oct-17 17:46:29

I am a dog lover and owner with friends who love and who hate dogs. It doesn´t bother me at all that some of my friends hate dogs. They are allowed to feel differently about them than I do and I respect that 100% and would never force them to spend time with my dog. That is the way it should be.

I do also have some friends who hate dogs and spend a lot of time telling me how disgusting and smelly they are. That is annoying. I think they should also respect that I like dogs. So don´t criticize your friends´dogs, but just make it clear you don´t want to be around them.

user1497997754 Wed 01-Nov-17 21:54:21

I love my dogs and take them with me most of the time....some of my friends hate fogs that's fine I just don't visit them at home and I don't invite them here. One friend so called was really nasty about my dogs but she has 2 young children ....I just said you can't come to my house as I hate kids and left it at that...

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