Really feeling guilty and confused...

[welshfirsttimemummy]

I need some help making a decision.

I have 2 border collies, both of which came to be with me through my line of work. Absolutely lovely dogs.

The problem is that I gave birth 2 months ago and I just have no time for them. I feel guilty because I love them so much, I have had them 4 years. And i am not one of these had a baby and now I don't want my dog type of person.

It's just the breed they are they need so much time and exercise that I am not giving them and I feel so guilty about it. My DH is not into dogs and they really are mine, he will take them out if I ask him but when he gets home from work he just wants to see me and the baby.

So I need some opinions, do you think I would be doing the right thing by my dogs to find them a loving new home?

[idirdog]

Congratulations on your new baby.

Now cut yourself some slack. You have given birth 2 months ago and of course your priorities have changed. Your dogs have had a wonderful 4 years with you and they really are not going to hold 2 months of different exercise against you.

Personally I found things easier after the first few weeks and loved my walks out with my dogs, the baby was in a sling to start with. I also loved my evening out once a week to do agility while Dad held the fort at home with the baby.

Yes the dogs did have more walks to areas with swings in at times but they were happy to be out and about with the family. I did do quite a bit of mental work and training at home in the evenings to keep them and me happy.

So I think your should lower your standards a bit, enjoy your new baby and I am sure you can make things work with your dogs.

PS I had babies and collies too so do understand the collies needs.

[Scuttlebutter]

If you really want to keep them, and love them as much you say, then it's perfectly possible to combine parenthood with dog ownership. Then the question becomes about how to do that.

You are only eight weeks in so don't rush to take any decisions yet. Use a dog walker for a couple of months while you and baby settle into your routine. A sensible local teenager would be very glad of the money. Have you got any family members who would babysit while you have some time out with the dogs for a run or a walk?

I'm sorry, but I've never been convinced by the argument from a married couple that the dogs only belong to one of you. You are a family unit now, and it's up to him to pull his weight and help with the responsibility - part of that is exercising the dogs. Have you considered booking an evening out once a week for agility training or something similar while DH stays at home and cares for DC? If you have room in the garden, can you set up a couple of agility obstacles and do clicker work with them at home? Can you clicker train them with other things? As things settle you will soon be able to enjoy going out with the baby and the dogs - days out to the beach or country parks.

If you are looking for people to come along and say "Yes, of course get rid of them" then I can't do that.

[Scuttlebutter]

X posted!!

[welshfirsttimemummy]

No im not looking for people to say yes get rid of them at all. If I wanted to do that I would. I just wondered if anyone else had been in my position.

I am considering a dog walker and it's definitely not a decision I am rushing into.

However the dogs are mine as I had them before I met my DH, and he is not a pet person at all. He looks after them because they are mine and he does his best.

Don't have much space in the garden for agility and I am EBF which restricts me going out a lot without DC.

I suppose I feel guilty for not giving them the time they need, but would also feel terrible if I rehomed them

[idirdog]

Think of it another way. Your DH is having the pleasure of getting to know two fantastic collies while you spend time looking after both of your baby. It is always a compromise and if you work as a team you can get the best of both worlds.

After a while I bet you will be able to call you DH a dog person Collies have a way of winning people over.

A dog walker would certainly take the pressure of you both and your dogs again can have fun walking with other dogs.

Don't beat yourself up or make any big decisions right yet. Things change very quickly with babies. I can remember throwing a tennis ball for my dogs whilst breast feeding. I used to feed on the sofa and throw the ball out of the french doors down the garden. Baby, dogs and me happy

[SunnyL]

I'm in week 3 of being a new parent and have a collie cross so I recognise what you are saying. My dog went everywhere with me before baby came along (even the office) but we are definately struggling to give her as much exercise as she got before. For example yesterday we had to turn back on our walk because baby was screaming. Today we didn't get out til 1.30 for our walk (previously it would have been 8.30 at the latest). For us the tennis ball chucker is a god send. 15 mins of tennis ball action in the park (which I can do from the bench while breast feeding) knackers the dog out so I can get peace until I can get out and give her a proper walk later. I'd definately look at a dog walker in the short term if I as struggling to get her enough exercise. Just remember to vet the company properly I.e. only insured for 6 dogs at any one time.

Good luck!

[moosemama]

It will get easier. At this stage of having a new baby everything feels overwhelming anyway, without having two high energy dogs to consider.

I had three dogs when I had my pfb and I can remember sobbing to my dh that I'd let my dogs down by having ds, because I had to walk them individually, so they were getting shorter walks as I was struggling to fit everything into the day. What I was missing was that they were very happy, healthy dogs, who actually coped incredibly well with our new arrival and were seemingly happy to adjust their schedules to accommodate him while he was tiny. Dh and I compensated by taking them on a couple of good long walks at the weekend, where I could enjoy playing with and training them while he took care of ds.

As Idir and Scuttle said though, it is perfectly possible to keep everyone happy, but you need to cut yourself some slack. Your dogs are members of your family and everyone in a family has some adjustments to make when a new baby arrives.

Things get thrown up in the air for a while, but they do settle down eventually. You get into a routine, baby gets bigger and needs feeding less often etc and one day you realise you have come out of the other side of the haze and you can go for a walk in the sunshine with both your beautiful new baby and your dogs. You can sit on a bench and feed your baby with a ball flinger in one hand and wear your dogs out that way if needs be - but - you don't need to be doing that now, what you need to do now is allow yourself to settle into your new role and your family to adjust to their new life.

If you are wracked with guilt and finding it's weighing you down, there is absolutely nothing wrong with paying a dog-walker for a while until you feel ready to start getting out and about with your dogs again.

Remember, that while yes, your dogs do need exercise and mental stimulation, they are not just about their walks. They are part of your family and you are part of theirs, you are bonded with each other and they would be far happier having some temporary disruption and a period of time where they are walked by someone else, than being parted from you forever as a result of what is actually a very short, but intense, part of welcoming a new family member.

The fact that you care enough about them to be this worried, tells me that you are already giving them so much more than many dogs owners do and that - when you are ready - you will find a way to meet everyone's needs. In the meantime, they'll cope.

[welshfirsttimemummy]

Thank you moosemama