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I picked up my Buster's ashes today...sad, sorry

(11 Posts)
becklet Wed 24-Aug-11 22:36:53

My 10 year old staffie boy Buster died suddenly at home while we were on holiday last week. My 21 year old niece was dog sitting for me and he just went the first night we were gone - we've had him since he was a pup and the boys were babies - he hadn't even been ill, and still acted just like a puppy. sad

It wasn't too bad while we were on holiday, just seemed like a bad dream, but I've been in absolute pieces since I got home, the house feels so empty and i just feel devastated.

I picked up his ashes from the vets today and just went to bits in the waiting room, felt so silly. The boys (10 and 12) are completely gutted, it was so unexpected, and I just can't stop crying.

Don't really know why I'm posting this here, just wanted to hear from fellow dog lovers and hopefully someone can reassure me that it does get easier. I feel so guilty that I wasn't there for him when he went and keep thinking that he was on his own when he went and had no one there for him. Am really sorry if this upsets anyone, I just hoped that someone might have some words of wisdom for me to help me get through this. I can't imagine ever having another boy like Buster sad

fruitshootsandheaves Wed 24-Aug-11 22:56:17

aww I can sympathise with you. I lost my Spaniel in 2008 the day before we went on holiday which kind of put a dampener on the holiday but on the other hand it was slightly easier as we weren't at home. It didn't help that our other dog got depressed too!

I have to say that while we were on holiday i arranged to go to look at a breeder and actually booked a puppy. May seem a bit soon and callous but he left a huge spaniel shaped hole in the family. The puppies weren't born when i went to see the breeder and the pup didn't come home with us till almost 3 months later.

Don't feel guilty. If he went suddenly you would probably not have been there at the exact moment even if you'd been at home.

Our new spaniel is a very different personality. You don't have to think of a new dog as a replacement. I think that by getting the same breed again it shows just how special that dog was. It's hard to word that last bit. But i know what i mean!

bumpybecky Wed 24-Aug-11 23:04:07

aww becklet, I'm sorry sad

I cried when we went to collect our dogs ashes. DS (3) was with me and he thought we were going to collect the dog. He was so confused as to why it was a box. His questions set me off and we had to walk home with tears pouring sad

It does get easier. We're 7 months on now and although it still makes me sad to think of her, I'm not crying every day like I was.

DogsBestFriend Wed 24-Aug-11 23:37:00

I'm so sorry. I lost my SBT X very suddenly and know all too well the tears and hurt.

It DOES get easier. I worked hard on comforting my other dog, took ages to get the courage up to bury Monty's ashes but felt like I'd done right by him when I finally did. I planted flowers and just... well, talked to him.

And in time I felt ready for a new friend. He will never be Monty but he filled a huge hole in our lives, especially for my poor old grieving Lab boy.

In time you may feel the same and want a new friend, with all the joy that brings. I hope so, in the meantime go easy on yourself.

DBF xx

SecretNutellaFix Wed 24-Aug-11 23:39:45

Don't feel guilty. Especially not for loving him enough to miss him so much.

My old girl was pts Nov 5th last year. I still well up now when I talk about her and when I visit Mum, I keep expecting to see her head peeking over the coffee table. I have accepted what happened, but still miss her. It's normal.

becklet Thu 25-Aug-11 07:25:38

Aw thanks everyone for replying! It does help to know that other people feel the same way. It was just so unexpected and because I didn't have time to prepare myself it has comoletely knocked me for six.

DH has mentioned getting another dog, but I have asked that we wait 6 months or so and see how we feel then - at the moment I can't imagine another dog ever replacing him. sad

Thanks again for your kindness, if I do end up getting another dog I can see myself hanging around here a lot! smile

minimu11 Thu 25-Aug-11 10:33:45

Perfectly natural to feel devastated but that doesn't make you feel any better though. It does get better over time but be gentle on yourself we understand exactly how you are feeling.

Ephiny Thu 25-Aug-11 10:38:46

I'm so sorry to hear this. Don't feel guilty, I'm sure you wouldn't have gone away if you'd had any idea this might happen, and if it was so sudden he surely wouldn't have known what was happening or have time to feel lonely or frightened.

I think you're right there'll never be another boy like him, and no other dog will replace him, but they will be special and loved in their own way! Give yourself time, he was your little boy and a much-loved part of the family for 10 years - it's right and normal to be grieving for him now, and it will get easier.

MotherJack Thu 25-Aug-11 18:11:09

Poor you, Becklet. I can fully understand why you feel like you do. It's not the same story as yours, but on the 10th September last year I was getting everything ready to walk my old boy (also staffy).. collar on, lead in hand and was rummaging around underneath the counter for poo bags and when I turned around I realised he had already had his last walk, almost totally out of the blue. He was buried the same day.

It's like a full on punch in the face... no time to prepare or even understand and come to terms with. No time to say goodbye. But it does get better and I remember Bear with love and pride instead of feeling the pain of the hole in my heart and life he left (I have bought him a special candle to light for him in a couple of weeks to mark the anniversary.)

Big hugs. Buster went to play with Bear.

becklet Sat 27-Aug-11 22:34:00

MotherJack sad that is so sad. Poor old Bear...

I'm crying now at the thought of them playing together, although knowing Buster he is more likely to be trying to eat Bear smile

I'm a few days on from picking up his ashes and feeling a bit calmer, but every time I see something that reminds me of him (which is about 50 billion times a day) I feel a physical pain in my chest. sad

You have all helped me to feel better though with your wisdom and kind words, so a huge thank you to everyone who responded...

roseyposeysmum Mon 29-Aug-11 10:34:45

bigs hugs x

It is one of the worst feelings and i got a lot of it's just a dog. But they are not they are part of your family. I miss my boy every day and i lost him in March.

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