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Dd is being bullied.

(13 Posts)
brightwell Mon 21-Sep-09 08:32:24

Dd 15 has fallen out with 2 former friends, they are making a point of sitting near her at break time & talking very loudly about dd. They're also checking her facebook & both ticking the "like this" thumb. Last night it went to a new level with one of them being abusive/ name calling on Facebook. Dd doesn't want me to phone the parents or go into school. Neither will she block & delete them from her facebook account. She says it'll mean she's weak. She's deleted last nights posts. I don't know what to do, the one who was posting on facebook has been in trouble for cyber bullying in the past. I feel powerless and hate seeing my dd suffering.

Pimmpom Mon 21-Sep-09 08:46:55

Oh brightwell, I would really try and talk her into deleting them from her account. I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction of making comments on her FB. So much easier for her to ignore them if she doesn't have to keep worrying about checking her FB and deleting posts.

Really hope it is quickly sorted out.

comewalktheplankwithme Mon 21-Sep-09 08:52:28

I'm sorry, my dd is going through a similar thing (although she is younger than your dd)she has had abusive emails and it is making her life hell.

I have a mssive thread going at the moment with loads of good advice about what to do in this situation.

There is a big push on cyberbullying right now and schools have to deal with it .

My advice would be to start keeping a record of everything and save abusive emails/comments.
Sites like kidscape and childline are helpful.

Hope it gets sirted soon it really is a horrible thing to go through.


brightwell Mon 21-Sep-09 09:40:59

Thanks for that...I'll see what today brings. 4 years ago my niece was in a similar position, attempted suicide twice and then spent several months as a voluntary in-patient in an adolescent mental health unit. It has impacted on her education, this is an important year for dd I can't bear the thought of her being unhappy & unsettled at school.

ErikaMaye Mon 21-Sep-09 10:32:21

Try and persuade her to delete them and block them from FB. I was in a similar situation when I was around the same age, and felt the same way your DD does. But once I'd deleted them, it was as though a weight was totally lifted.

Does she have another group of friends?

I think you should take it to the school as well - I never told my parents about how bad the bullying had got until, like your niece, I was so overwhelmed by it. They should be made aware of it, especially if this "friend" has a history of cyber bullying.

I'm not trying to frighten you by saying that, by the way - my situation got completely out of hand to the point that I was attacked by the girls mother. Most people come through bullying. Doesn't make it right, of course.

mumeeee Mon 21-Sep-09 12:32:33

I would try and get her to delete these posts and block the friends from Facebook. Tell her she is not weak but her frinds are birng weak for doing stuff like that.

brightwell Mon 21-Sep-09 17:15:59

She's blocked & deleted them, I've told her to log every bullying event.It looks like others are getting involved now. We'll see what tomorrow brings. She's got a school trip to Paris in a few weeks and she's now dreading it because she'll be friendless.

ILYM Mon 21-Sep-09 17:28:02

My Dd was bullied at school - I spoke to the school who moved her to a different class - the bullying stopped as she was no longer around the bullies - I understand it is probably much harder for your daughter if they were her 'friends'.
I understand how worried you are too - I found it unbearable knowing she was going off to school in the morning and dreading it,I worried about her all day. I think the school has a responsibility to try and nip bullying in the bud before it can get out of hand, if they are unaware of the situation there is nothing they can do.
Keep us posted.

brightwell Mon 21-Sep-09 19:12:37

She's deleted but not block them and they've all sent friend requests. Why are some girls so vile?

ErikaMaye Tue 22-Sep-09 23:33:54

Not just the girls, I'm afraid. Do you know her password? I'd be tempted to block them yourself if so.

LaineyW Fri 02-Oct-09 21:31:15

Bloody Facebook... my DD recently turned 14 and is also (I feel) being bullied at school. She says she's coping and is desperate for us not to interfere in any way. This week one of the little posse threw a rubber at my DD's head. Luckily my DD has a close-knit group of friends who are all very supportive but this thing has turned into a real long-haul grudge with this one particular girl and her 'gang'. I keep telling DD that this other girl obviously has issues and it's probably jealousy etc. etc. but I do worry that it's now escalating rather than staying at just name calling and sarcastic comments.

It's very hard to know when to step in or whether you'll just make everything worse.

desertmum Sat 03-Oct-09 06:15:44

So sorry to hear about - happened to my daughter last year with physical threats involved. Do you have printouts of the messages ? They can be used as evidence if needed. My DD like yours didn't want me to take action as she thought it would make them worse. She was very scared they would physically attack her. It was an awful time and I really do feel for you and your DD.

With hindsight I wish I had taken it further but felt I had to support my DD in what she wanted. We've since moved, my DD is doing well and they are still saddos doing the same stuff day in and day out. Your DD will come out on top - just give her lots of love and support.

evaangel2 Sat 03-Oct-09 06:35:56

You can also report the abuse to facebook..ds had similar incident last year on FB where it involved the mother banging on my door accusing my ds of bullying her dd. I threatened them with the police.
I told the mother everything, how she would threaten through email etc, she just insisted her dd was the victim.I asked where her proof is.I told her to go home & check through her dd's emails and get back to me if this wasnt true, she never returned.
My ds had around 40 emails in one day threatening to unleash her family on to him, ds was scared.
good luck with everything x

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