How to handle a potential food issue ?

[AnyFucker]

I have a 14 yo dd who has always had a good appetite

She is a healthy height and weight, but seems to have stopped growing upwards so is now not a lanky skinny lass and is filling out more in the boob and hips dept

This is all fine of course, but the last few wks have been worrying me

She takes dinner money to school but often doesn't use it, saying she is "not hungry", or buys just a cookie or some crisps

she says she feels sick often and has no appetite

she will say she just wants a yoghurt for breakfast

then later she is starving and will want to eat junk

she does eat the meals I cook for her (most of the time) and I don't think she has an actual eating disorder

however, things have changed recently as above and I don't want to handle it badly

should I stop giving her dinner money if she is not buying and eating "proper" food? She says she wasn't hungry at school but then raids the fridge when she gets in

should I stop her filling up on junk (mostly biscuits and full fat yoghurts, so at least full of calories)

or should I ignore it and wait it out (hoping it is a phase)

just don't wanna do the wrong thing...

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

She sounds faily "normal teenager" to me, as long as she's eating most of what you make. I went "off" breakfast as a teenager (and tbh have never gone back to it )

Is she spending the dinner money on anything else, or returning it to you? Would she maybe take some fruit into school for midmorning?

[AnyFucker]

she doesn't eat fruit < sigh >

Am not sure if she is spending dinner money on anything else

Who knows ?? I am sure she wouldn't tell me if she was...

She is usually pretty truthful though, so don't want to be too harsh and withdraw the dinner money for her then to start telling me a pack of lies

call me stingy, but it is bugging me that £3 a day is potentially going on cookies and crisps (or not getting spent at all), then she comes home and raids all the family's treats

she often "forgets" to take dinner money too

[mumblechum]

I'd make her a packed lunch if I were you. DS is similar in that when I give him dinner money I know he's going to buy 3 cakes rather than a sandwich, so I only give him money once a week.

You should probably get her to choose what goes in her packed lunch within reason & I'd suggest doing what I do & limit the number of days she gets the money instead.

Agree about the breakfast thing, I think a lot of teenagers don't feel like much breakfast, I usually just get ds to have a milk shake & a banana. Maybe you could whiz up a smoothie with full fat milk, some strawberries, ice cream, yogurt etc? That way it doesn't matter so much if she doesn't eat any breakfast

[AnyFucker]

she refuses a packed lunch < sigh again >

the smoothie sounds good idea

[mumblechum]

Well then maybe reduce how much you give her for her lunch.

If she's eating a good dinner at night, she should be fine.

As for the troughing through loads of crisps, biscuits etc, I think that's very much par for the course. We got so fed up of ds nicking all the goodies we now have 3 separate goody tins. His is empty within 2 days of the shop but I make him wait the other 5 days till I go again. He doesn't seem to get the concept of making things last a week

[AnyFucker]

I am making a storm in a teacup, aren't I ?

[mumblechum]

She's your baby, you're allowed to

[NorbertDentressangle]

The trouble is with a packed lunch is that its often seen as "uncool" to take one (this is according to the mum of my 13yo god-daughter).

Apparently GD started taking packed lunch when she started high school but said that nobody else does.

She also does the raiding of cupboards when she gets in as shes so hungry.

I'm not sure what the answer is TBH other than maybe offering something vaguely healthy but filling when she gets in from school (eg.peanut butter on toast)and then have dinner later so she manages to get 2 "meals" in after school

[AnyFucker]

yes, packed lunch deffo uncool

should I continue to give her dinner money, knowing it probably gets spent on "cookies" ?

[mumeeee]

DD3 17 has packed lunch for college most days but I give her lunch money one or two days aweek, I used to do this at school as well and she actually prefered it as there was always a huge que in the canteenwhich meant she didn't have much time to eat her lunch. She rarely eats breakfast and will raid the cupnbords for bisquits and stuff. DD219 also does this.

[AnyFucker]

I do have my own goodies, that the kids are not allowed to filch without asking first

tee-hee

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I also have my own goodies-stash. If she's spending her dinner money on cookies and trash at least it's better than spending it on fags.

Which is what I did at 16.

[AnyFucker]

yes, the fags issue had crossed my mind

she never smells of fags though, and I have a good nose for it

nor does she disappear straight upstairs to change after school

[SlartyBartFast]

i spent my dinner money on tuck.

are packed lunches relaly uncool?

how about wraps, or pasta salad?

[AnyFucker]

uncool, all of it

[Macforme]

I'd keep an eye on her.
It may be just a phase of course..I have 3 teens and they have all gone through periods of eating nothing but junk, then periods of good food then a mix.. I wouldn't insist on a packed lunch as it will probably be binned..

BUT...

My younger daughter (15) has an eating disorder now.. and it started just that way.. 'not hungry' 'I had a bowl of cereal/ apple/yoghurt' 'I had a wrap at school..'

I became concerned but she was a normal size and shape so didn't over worry.. it took a while before it I realised she was eating FAR less than she claimed..and when she did she binged junk and then made herself sick.
She is now anorexic.. you wouldn't know to look at her because she hasn't got her weight THAT low yet.. but she is still losing, and her mind set is terrible (she blogs and I had to finally read and confront her)..she sees herself as fat (shes very slim)and we are about to go to the doctors together to get her some help..I hope.

I don't know at which point my daughters erratic eating became disordered thinking..and many girls have phases of not eating properly, but please keep a close eye.. my daughter's self perception is heartbreaking and yet it only started 5 months ago...

[GoneCuckoo]

My DD is 13 and just the same.
She can't eat breakfast at breakfast time, so I send her to school with a frube and a cereal bar. She takes a packed lunch and never money. She barely eats enough to stay alive. Her weight is ridiculous and she looks skelital.

[AnyFucker]

mac, that is exactly what I am worried about

I have quickly picked up on some of the excuses to not eat, or just eat a yoghurt, or one cookie or whatever

I don't want to handle it badly, and make it worse or give it so much credence that she gets some kind of kick out of controlling food IYSWIM

I am sorry for your dd's troubles with eating, very very scary stuff indeed

All the best of luck to you, and I hope you get help to steer her through this with minimal fallout for you and your family x

[AnyFucker]

Gonecuckoo, that sounds scary too