Have you ever really 'lost it'

[sunsup]

and lashed out at your teen. I lost control and struck out at her.

[Pimmpom]

How are you and your dd now sunsup? Hope you are both ok

[sunsup]

Well, DD seems fine but you never know with teens do you. Is she just hiding it her emotions away? I know it will scar her for life and as such I am still filled with remorse and privately crying all the time. I would give anything to turn back the clock.

[kiddiz]

My ds2 is supposed to be back at college today. He is doing A2s or rather supposed to be. He was due in college at 11.00. Despite several nagging sessions from me he is, at present, still in bed. I have had to walk away and bury myself on here because if I didn't I would have strangled him by now!!! I am reaching breaking point with him. He is a bright lad who was predicted A grades last year but now will be lucky if he gets Cs ...that's if they don't throw im out first. I have tried all the motivational chats, etc., etc. that i can think of and he says all the right things at the time then does the opposite. So any tips on how to get a 17 yr old lazy arse out of bed will be gratefully received.
You have my sympathy because at the moment I could quite cheerfully slap him and I am sitting on my hands.

[sunsup]

kiddiz, keep sitting on your hands, I wish to god I had . It is so dam frustrating to watch them not bother about stuff. We have to let them make their own mistakes and bear the consequences. That said, keep encouraging, motivating and hang in there.

[themoon666]

Yes I've lost a couple of times with DD, but only verbally. It did work because she was so shocked. I'm not normally a shouty person.

Kiddiz.. do we share the same DS??

[LoveMyGirls]

I'd be up there with a bucket or water over his head. kiddiz but my youngest is only 9 so that might not be the best plan?

[Pimmpom]

Have you discussed it with her? Don't cry in private, let her know how you are feeling. Talk with her about how it got to this point. to you both xx

[ajandjjmum]

I'm sure that the love and care that you have always shown will stop her being scarred for life sunsup!

Perhaps it wasn't the perfect way to handle the situation, but we all have to learn that life isn't perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes.

[Pimmpom]

LOL at the bucket of water LMG's. Last week DH had to grab a glass of water I was just about to throw over dd. I went into the kitchen and laughed because I had taken a diazpam for my back that day - I thought they were supposed to make you chill . Don't know what I would have done if I hadn't have taken them!

[sunsup]

I threw a few things at her from her bedside table (not heavy), she was sitting on the floor and then I screeched at her and said I would leave, and then I kicked her (not hard), but still I did it. am so ashamed and disgusted. Yes she knows how loved she is and is shown mountains of it every day but THIS? | don;t know hat to do.

[VineGuyFawkesFeltMyTits]

Have lost it loads of times with ds1 over the years, mostly verbal but i remember when i was heavily pg with ds2 and he called me a 'rat' so i chased after him up the stairs trying to punch him and kept missing, but i was so angry, and hormonal

[AuntEm]

Oh sunsup, it sounds like you're suffering more than your dd did. Don't beat yourself up. So you're not perfect, join the club. How long ago did this happen? How have you & dd been getting on since?
(Very nearly lost it one day last week when giving dd a lift (at great inconvenience) and was accused of being selfish!! I managed to keep my hands on the steering wheel, but turned the air blue.)

[Tortington]

i threw a chair once,

my dd spoke to me like shit on her shoe, i walked past her and filled a glass of water, returned and pouredit all over her emo black eyeliner face.

it was either that or bouncing her up the street.

they get over it-

[NotanOtter]

god yes

[NotanOtter]

i have cried to dd 'look what you have done to me'

I hate to say that i said to her recently - well over 3 months ago' when you are pregnant I am going to come and stay with you and make you as miserable as you have made me'

since then i have decided she is too idle to have children

i have sprayed her with the shower head from the bath

i would like to do lots of things that would hurt but i am wise!

ds1 is sooo much less annoying

[Starmummy]

Hmm DH smacked Ds (13) on halloween (his behaviour was horrendous and both DH and I were provoked beyond belief). However my problem is Ds keeps saying he deserved it! I have told him nobody deserves to be hit. My concern is he thinks its ok to be hit. I wouldnt mind but this was only the second time ever (still not acceptable I know).

[bagsforlife]

sunsup, I should think you are torturing yourself over this, far more than she is.

I know it is horrible but try and talk to her sensibly when everyone has calmed down. You can tell her you are sorry. All you can do is be truthful. In years to come you will both probably laugh about it.

It is incredibly frustrating when they are so surly. However, she has probably forgotten about it by now (remember how utterly self centered teens are, she will be thinking about something else by now, certainly not you). Next time, just walk out of the room and do something else. Ignoring the behaviour to a certain extent works wonders.

[sunsup]

I have apologised, it happened a week ago and she has been so sweet ever since. Is she now afraid of me??? I wanted to talk to her about it last night but I chickened out. I am wondering if I talk about it in depth with her, it is keeping the horrible scenario fresh, IYSWIM. She is only 13, I have let her down, the one person she should be able to trust and I have destroyed that.

[bagsforlife]

I am sure she is not afraid of you. She just realises she went too far and is trying to make amends by being nice. You need to forgive her and she needs to forgive you. I do know what you mean but she will get over it. Perhaps you can bring it up in a more light hearted way soon, trying not to make it into such a big issue but also explaining that you feel so bad about it too. I expect she just wants things to get back to 'normal' and is probably a bit embarrassed about the whole scenario by now. She will be fine and will not be afraid of you, you have not let her down, she may be grateful in the long run to be shown how to behave properly and decently.

[sunsup]

bagsforlife, thankyou.

[bagsforlife]

Have 22 yr old DD and know what you are going through