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Advice for struggling mum of 12 year old.

8 replies

smartiejake · 30/08/2008 06:44

Can anyone recommend a good book about dealing with teen girls.

My 12 year old is driving me insane at the moment and I am constantly losing my temper with her. DH has a crazy job and isn't around much so I have to deal with all the strops and tantrums by myself. I can feel things just spiralling out of control.

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WideWebWitch · 30/08/2008 06:54

Not teen girls but I am reading this which covers boys and girls (have 11yo ds)

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smartiejake · 30/08/2008 06:57

Looks good. Love the title- it just about sums up my experiences at the moment.

Are you finding it helpful?

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smartiejake · 30/08/2008 07:43

Bump

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smartiejake · 30/08/2008 12:12

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MaureenMLove · 30/08/2008 12:29

I'm not sure that anyone knows how to handle 12 year old girls do they?

I've got a 12 almost 13 year old and she is the sweetest, loveliest girl evry sometimes, but at other times, I wonder where this monster suddenly comes from.

I really don't think there's an easy, in a book, answer. For me, I try very hard to understand that her head is full of emotions and hormones that she's never had before and try to remember back to being 12 myself. I tend to walk away, when she's having one of her hissy fits and just tell her to take herself off to another room and come back when she's calmed down a bit. I also do my best not to cause a row! In other words, pick your arguments. Does it really matter if her bedroom is a tip for example? You don't have to sleep in it and you shouldn't need to go in there. Does it really matter if she's not going out with a coat on? Its not you that's going to get cold. Somethings, they just have to learn for themselves, without the nagging of a mother behind them.

Do you have particular problems, that we can help with?

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smartiejake · 30/08/2008 13:00

Just feel like I am losing control at times.

She is exactly how you describe your girl- the sweetest child who doesn't really want to grow up (she has told me this) and then this rude, unbearable, unreasonable monster who makes demands all the time then has a huge hissy fit when she can't get what she wants- it's like the terrible twos all over again (except she wasn't even like this as a toddler).

I seem to be constantly threatening to send her to bed early/ ground her/ take away her pocket money. (Which I have been known to do and it does seem to work) But I can't bear this treading on egg shells feeling she always gives me.

I really wouldn't have dared to talk to my mum the way she talks to me sometimes but you are right about the picking fights- I can't let it drop when she kicks off and probably don't help the situation. I think perhaps I need to be a bit more understanding TBH. But when dh is home he is much stricter than I am and it makes me feel like I am not dealing with her in the right way. Feel like a totally crap mum at the moment. Very confused as to the right way to handle her. Don't want her to end up as some uncontrollable teen who goes off the rails.

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MaureenMLove · 30/08/2008 14:16

I don't think you or your dd are unusual at all. I think if you asked the question to anyone with a 12 year old, they are lying if they say its a peice of cake! My DH is the exactly the same. He seems to be able to dicipline her much more effectively than me at times, and like you, I feel like I've failed.

I think, that since you are worrying about it and are concerned that she may turn into a deliquant - she won't! It sounds like you are both similar characters, if you won't let it lie! That won't help and since you're the adult and she is a ball of hormones, you are going to have to walk away! I'm the same, that's not a critisism! I'll tell you what, when people are cross and upset about their two year olds, I can't help but smile in the knowledge that that's a breeze compared to teenagers!

Chin up, you are not on your own and you are clearly not a bad mother. You are just a mother of a very mixed up, normal pre-teen! Just think, only another 5 years or so, and she'll like you again! That, or she'll bugger off to uni and give you a bit of peace!

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smartiejake · 30/08/2008 15:09

5 years! [faints]Oh dear god wake me up when it's over.

You are so right when you say we are similar characters.

My mum always said |I had to have the last word! (But I still wasn't as rude as dd!)