Advice on teenagers needed

[Holly02]

This is kind of an extension to a message that I posted under 'Other Subjects'. DH's teenage son has moved in with us for a while after experiencing some problems at home, and it looks like he will probably be here for about 18 months. It's been a while since I was a teenager and even though I remember bits and pieces, I know it's like living in a whole other world. I remember feeling like I couldn't stand either of my parents and went through a stage of not talking to them much or telling them anything.

Anyway, ss (stepson) is basically ok and his manner is quite pleasant, but I notice that every now and again he gets this attitude which seems to come out of nowhere. It's hard not being his mother to begin with, but when he does this I feel pretty p**d off because I don't know where it's coming from. The only way I can explain it is that he comes out with sarcastic or very blunt answers to questions, or he will make comments that leave you wondering whether they're meant to be offensive or not. Tonight he was complaining about having to do a particular chore but his attitude seemed worse than usual. The rest of the time he's quite ok but I must admit to my stress levels going up because our household was much more peaceful before! Anyway enough said, I just don't know whether it's best to leave it alone or to say something to him when it happens. Most of the 'dialogue' tends to happen between dh and ss, but I just get this vibe that something is making him react like that. Or is it just bloody hormones or what?!! I feel like I can't relax and I'm hoping it doesn't continue for too long.

[janh]

Hi, Holly. You don't say how old he is, but my 14-yr-old can be a sweetiepie one day and a proper Kevin the next, and that's without having just moved in with a different family! I think some of it's hormones and maybe some of it is a bad day at school or falling out with a friend or something.

As your SS is normally pleasant I would try to grit your teeth and ignore it when he isn't (and I wish I could manage to take that advice myself!) It sounds as if the 3 of you are coping pretty well so far with what is bound to be a stressful settling-down period. Good luck!

[Holly02]

Thanks janh - I know it's stressful for all involved, and I go from being annoyed with him one minute to feeling sorry for him the next. He's 16 anyway... and I know for a fact that our household is probably much 'stricter' than the household he's just come from. Maybe a better word is 'disciplined' - dh was raised to take care of himself, he's a hard worker and takes lots of initiative and does well at his job, but his son has been raised very differently. So no doubt ss is finding the whole thing quite daunting, and probably resenting it too.

[suedonim]

As I posted on the other thread, Holly, I'm on my 3rd teenager and your description sounds par for the course! I'd let any remarks ride unless it was something I was 100% not prepared to tolerate, eg being sworn at. I hope you can all settle down soon and be comfortable with each other, I'm sure it will just take time. Good luck.