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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Is my 14 year old DS odd for not wanting to go out more?

21 replies

sunnydelight · 31/03/2008 03:54

DS1 is 14, he has a 9 year old brother and 5 year old sister. We have recently moved to Australia so I appreciate that everything is very new for him, but he makes no effort to even attempt a social life. He seems very happy at school and is doing better than he ever did in the UK. He clearly has friends at school, he even has a girlfriend at school but she's "not allowed to date until she's 15" so he spends a lot of time on MSN and texting her. Rugby season has just started here and he's really enjoying weekly training sessions and Sunday games and is happy that there are a few boys on his team who he knows. We've made friends with a few other ex-pat families, including a family with a boy the same age and they get on really well when they see each other. He really likes having this kid sleep over at ours, but declined the invite to stay at his house over Easter as he "didn't want to miss out on the chocolate at home"!

BUT, any time at the weekend I suggest he meets up with friends/goes to the cinema/beach etc. he declines and says that the kids at his school don't really do that. (The kids at school do live scattered all over the place but that's very normal here). If I make an arrangement to get together with the family of the kid he likes he's very happy, but if I suggest he makes an independent arrangement he just doesn't get round to it.

On the one hand I know I should be grateful that he is happy to spend time at home (and I am very grateful for the fact that he is more than happy to babysit - for money of course - his siblings any time we want to go out). Up until now I've been really chilled and thought that there is plenty of time for him to go out and about by himeself when he feels ready.Is he really odd though?????????

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fifitinkerbell · 31/03/2008 09:58

No I dont think it is odd. As he seems a very socialable lad & may be like he says they dont really do that sort of like eg going to the beach etc. Why not just keep inviting the boy over that he gets on well with or maybe even suggest a little party with class mates.

SlartyBartFast · 31/03/2008 10:09

what were you like at his age?
i wouldnt push it,
would it mean you driving him everywhere?

my ds is same but not yet 14.

wonder if it is shyness or laziness or both?

mumeeee · 31/03/2008 17:49

No he sounds fine, He will go out when he is ready.

Remotew · 31/03/2008 18:51

I have this but with a DD this age. He sounds very sociable anyway so I would'nt worry especially as he is finding his feet in a new country (lucky you in Austrailia).

Just enjoy the fact that he likes spending time with the family, that's what I say to myself. The easter chocolate made me laugh as its something DD would sacrifice a sleepover for.

I've just encouraged DD to go and find her friends at the park as I saw them heading that way. She went saying "OK I'll go and be someone I'm not" .

ktmoomoo · 31/03/2008 18:54

my ds is 14 hardly goes out , he loves being at home i just making most of xxx

sunnydelight · 01/04/2008 04:43

Thanks for the reassurance. TBH it makes my life much easier as yes, I would have to drive him everywhere as public transport is pretty limited.

I think there is a bit of laziness involved Slarty; he would have to make decisions, and plans, and see them through ...

I don't even want to think of what I was like at that age. It certainly didn't involve staying at home In fact now I do think about it I hope he NEVER wants to go out!!!!!

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random · 01/04/2008 20:49

My ds (15) actually went out to play football this afternoon.. he never usually leaves his room..in his case definately a lazy sod

windygalestoday · 01/04/2008 20:52

my 14 year old is the same,,,,,yet my 12 year old is off given half a chance.

Shitemum · 01/04/2008 20:53

I think a year from now you'll be posting 'My 15 yo son is out every night, what can I do to make him stay in?'

rantingwageslave · 01/04/2008 20:56

My 14 year old was like this for a while now we hardly see him, he's always out. I expect he will go out more when he's ready.

fizzbuzz · 02/04/2008 09:15

My 14 year old only emerges from his pit for food.

His social life is xboxlive (which all his friends go on) or MSN.

He did go to town with someone about 2 weeks ago..............

talkingmongoose · 02/04/2008 09:24

My 13 yo has to be levered by force from his bedroom. I suppose he is sort of socialising via msn and online PS3, it's just different for kids these days. At least I know where he is.

mumblechum · 02/04/2008 11:41

Another one here, DS (13) is always happy to go out if one of his friends calls him but never seems to want to make the first move.

lily2309 · 03/04/2008 16:08

My DS shut himself away from the age of about 14 and I think it was a combination of lack of confidence/laziness and a lot of changes happening. Your son probably feels safe at home particularly if he has moved country and also had to start from scratch at a new school. What was he like before you moved?

My son is now 20 and he still doesnt go out very much, however he has managed to go to university and cope on his own and although I reckeon he goes out occasionally I suppose that is just the way he is.

daughterofthem · 21/06/2008 20:47

no of course not im nearly 15 and i hate going out now because everyone wants to get drunk! there is just no point its ok to have 1 or 2 but not to get absolutly bladdered !

BecauseImWorthIt · 21/06/2008 20:50

DS1 is just like this, and he's 16. Nothing at all like me at his age!

He has just started going out a little more, but not that much. He's off to 6th form college in September (where there will be girls ) so I'm expecting things to change significantly then.

Make the most of it while you can!

waycat · 23/06/2008 05:51

My boys (12 and 13) are a bit like this, especially the older one. I have talked to my DH about it alot because it did concern me at first, but he put my mind at rest and basically reassured me that it's normal early teenage behaviour.

"Playing out" is no longer cool, their bikes are rusting away in the garage, and they would rather watch TV of an evening than play with the yonger children around here. This time last year it was different - they were out on their bikes playing with the younger children during the light evenings, but not now I'm afraid.

I know it's just a phase that will pass, but it is sad in a way. Mind you, the other childrens' average age is eight, so there is quite an age gap which I think has become more apparent in the last twelve months.

In a way I don't mind them wanting to stay at home - at least they can't get up to any trouble or annoy the neighbours!

sunnydelight · 23/06/2008 08:59

Funny you say that daughterofhem. The teenage culture is quite different here and the whole drinking thing doesn't really kick off until you are 18 or so. Sport is BIG, and both girls and boys often spend at least one day at the weekend playing, often with a very early start. Compared to what my son's mates in the UK are doing now the kids here do seem quite sheltered, but it takes the pressure off if you want more from life than getting pissed every weekend.

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noddyholder · 23/06/2008 09:02

god sunny I can't keep ds in and can't get rid of his stinky mates and their pot noodles How are things otherwise Are you settling in?

sunnydelight · 26/06/2008 09:56

Hi Noddy. Yes, settling in nicely thanks. We're having a party on Sunday to celebrate one year here - talk about time flying! We're expecting to get very popular in a few years when it comes to gap year time

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Lola234 · 15/07/2008 11:22

not necessarily, maybe something happened so they ont want to go out...

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