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Suicide note from trans(?) bullied teen.

(5 Posts)
chaoskitty Sun 09-Aug-20 15:46:11

Thank you for reading my first post.
I'll try to keep it brief (I wrote it once already only to lose it!) 🙄

My daughter is 15 at the end of the year, she's about to go into Yr10 she's an only child.
Since starting high school her best friend has been 'P'.
They met on the first day and have been inseparable ever since.
I gradually learned that P had no other friends. I was told by her mum that she had anxiety and anger issues and was bullied all through junior school.

My daughter told me P was always falling out with her parents who were verbally abusive to her.

A little way into Yr7 my daughter started to show interest in changing gender.
She was never a girly girl but there had been nothing signs of this at all previously.
Also P felt the same and had done for some time.
They both said they identified as male.
They supported each other throughout this and I tried to do the same.
I accepted what I was told and didn't try to convince my daughter either way. Not wanting to put her off if her feelings developed and not wanting to over encourage in case it was a phase.

Over time I learned my daughter and P were a couple.
They were joined at the hip (I was the same with my awful bestie at that age).
I often heard P shouting and screaming over the phone. It seemed like she was such an angry child.

During lockdown my daughter chose to not see P at all.
As soon as restrictions were lifted P was asking to spend time with my daughter but as P and her family didn't believe coronavirus was a serious issue and my daughter is asthmatic and I'm a carer for my elderly dad and step mum, my daughter with no prompting from me chose not to see P in person.

Since then P has started a bullying campaign.
She's been forging friendships with people she claimed to dislike previously to bully my daughter online.

My daughter and I are very open and honest, we talk a lot about most things or so I thought.

This morning I found a suicide note on my daughters desk.
Not left to be found but not very well hidden either.

It was anger mostly aimed at P.
My daughter expressed that she has been physically, mentally and sexually abused by P.
Claims of being punched in the stomach until she threw up amongst other things.
The note said my daughter had been calling Childline for help but felt desperate because as part of a minority group she didn't feel like anyone understood.

My husband walked out 6 years ago after having a mental breakdown. He is not very supportive as he is on the autism spectrum so he doesn't really communicate or relate very well.
He is clueless about how my daughter feels regarding gender identity as much as anything else.

I don't really have any one I can talk to about this other than one lady who is the mum of one of my daughters (much nicer) friends. Luckily she is a parenting counsellor so she is calling me tonight.

This suicide note has got me so worried.
I'm aware of how melodramatic teens are (I was the same) and I'm also aware of online pressure and glamorising of self harm/suicides etc.
My daughter has always seemed very level headed and aware of these things.
I've recently gone back to work (part time) which means my daughter is often left alone 2 days per week.
I never used to worry leaving her as she's always been level headed and sensible but now I'm worried sick.

OP’s posts: |
FredaFrogspawn Sun 09-Aug-20 15:49:44

So sorry - this sounds terribly hard. I would suggest taking her to the gp in the first instance.

Nymeriastark1 Sun 09-Aug-20 15:53:28

They are about to go into year 10 so they're about 14/15 years old yes?
Report P to the police for the physical and sexual abuse. Hopefully that will put enough fear into her to stop. This may open an investigation into P's home life as most 14 year old don't sexually abuse others for no reason. Talk to your daughter. If she is seriously feeling suicidal do everything you can to remove her from the situation. Maybe get a tutor so she can be home schooled? Until things calm down. Do explain that she may need to give a statement to the police.

sleepismysuperpower1 Sun 09-Aug-20 15:56:12

You need to talk to your dc, and if she still maintains that P abused her in those ways then I would be going to the police, along with dc, screenshots of the cyberbulling and her note.
I would also be looking into counselling for them, relate offer counselling session via webcam for teens
www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-children-and-young-people/children-and-young-peoples-counselling
It might also help to delete any social media she is on until the bulling online stops. They can still communicate with their friends through text, but it limits the amount of ways the girl can contact them.
All the best to you and your dc flowers

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo Sun 09-Aug-20 15:57:30

Talk to her, say you came across it accidentally and you are terribly worried. Tell her how much you love her and how devastated you would be if anything happened to her. Ask what you can do to help, does she want to change schools, is there anything, anything at all, you can do. Reassure her that if she is gay that is something you would celebrate and support. That you think P is deeply disturbed and you feel sorry for her, but that gives her no right to be abusive ever. Ask if she would like to speak to a counsellor. If she left the note on her desk that is a cry for helpso answer it.

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