Not talking

[LesleyDy]

Looking for advice. I have a just turned 17 year old son who has stopped talking to us. Spends all his time in his bedroom on computer gaming with friends where he appears to be talking but is unable to hold a conversation with us. When he comes to the dinner table he won’t speak. My daughter has her boyfriend round and he won’t speak to him or her. If we try and talk to him he becomes uncomfortable. He says he feels uncomfortable around people and prefers to be on his own. He had some bullying at his previous school although he seems to have made new friends at his new school he’s met Up with them a couple of times but won’t bring any of the home. Obviously that’s been tricky in the current situation. Not sure how to deal with this, been going on for last 8 months, we thought it would pass but it’s driving us mad now.

[shadypines]

Hi OP, when you say not talking, how little do you mean, nothing, one word answers and how much did he talk before? Is he sort of civil apart from this? If he has made some new friends and talks to gaming friends on line it sounds like it's just his age and will hopefully pass at some point. I've got a 21 yr old and he is very similar or went through very similar but does communnicate more now. I wouldn't worry too much about not bringing friends homw, my DS has not done this since he was about 13 or 14 and I see it a lot on here, some teens, esp boys, just don't. Perhaps they just feel awkward infront of their families?

[shadypines]

I've noticed mine chats to his aunty no prob when out with just her or on phone to her but put him in same room with her and rest of family and you're lucky to get anything out of him. So thinking, does he chat to his sister when they are on their own?

[coffeewithmilk]

It sounds like he may have a bit of social anxiety.
I went through a phase when I was around the same age that I would blush and go really red and felt very uncomfortable if anyone spoke to me or if I met someone when I was out unexpectedly and it's almost like I panicked because I never knew what to say. This even happened when I was around at family's house for Christmas etc.
I think it was just a phase, and when I moved to uni I was forced to come out of my shell and speak to people. I just remember feeling so down about it because it just came on out of nowhere.

Definitely being stuck in his room playing video games is not going to help. It's going to worsen the situation. Maybe try take him out, even if it's just for 30 mins a day; go for a walk, force him out of his comfort zone, go get a coffee.
You could also try asking him straight out if everything is ok etc - he may be more forthcoming that way.

Good luck