Help with nearly 16 year old

[Lotty32]

Is it normal for my very sensible dd to think I can't do anything right? I have let her down big time in the past and every time she lobs that comment to me I feel very upset and blame myself - but is this normal behaviour??

[Elieza]

Seems normal to me. You let her down. She’s not forgiven or forgotten. She doesn’t trust you any more.

Either that or she’s manipulating you in some way?

Did you have a heart to heart to explain why you let her down and what went wrong and how you’re very sorry, you’ve learned from your mistake and will never do it again?

[Shotofvodka]

Yes. I’ve found that teenagers can be exceptionally cruel at times. My teen seemed to think I was the most stupid person on the planet at times and she knew far better than me about anything and everything. She’s almost 17 now and does seem to be almost out the other side (fingers firmly crossed)

[Lotty32]

Thx for replies so what's the best way of handling this without feeling very hurt?

[WeAllHaveWings]

DSIL had the same situation with 14 year old dn after 'letting her down big time' (it was actually very serious). Their relationship was painful for both of them for around 4 years, dn loved her mum and couldn't cope, blamed her for what happened.

She ended up in counselling for a year or so after it got out of hand. They are very close again now dn, is mid 20s, has grown up and realised her mum wasnt to blame.

How long your dd will take to forgive you will all depend on how seriously you let her down and what the impact on her is

[pallisers]

I suppose it depends on the "let her down bigtime"

We let my dd down bigtime - didn't spot abuse. It wasn't obvious (in schools) and she never said a word but she blamed us. We did years of family therapy to get back on track. I think the therapy was helpful (our therapist was wonderful) but I think the fact that dh and I turned up every week every time for years also helped her understand that she was always our priority. I cannot imagine what our relationship would be like now if we hadn't gone through that.