Suicidal thoughts....

[Meandkids]

Hi all,

Yesterday my dd (15)was feeling low and down and was really hormonal and moody and I pandered a bit then left her to get on with it...
Today she is full of the joys and seems back to her old self...

Ok so just had a call from a teacher friend, who advised me that my dd had told other close pals (via snapchat) yesterday that she felt so low that she had suicidal thoughts (they then went to a parent who came to him) ..I think it was more a cry for attention as she was feeling sad away from her friends and struggling to do work and be engaged etc...and wants to feel important or needed in someone's world... she has always suffered with anxiety but not to a massive degree... same teenage girl drama type stuff..

I know sometimes she feels like no one in her group listens to her and they talk over her... and although I sympathise I think at times she is needy and says stupid things as she hasn't quite fitted in anywhere yet..

So, do I talk to her dad, who massively over reacts generally or do I try and address this... I need her to know that she doesn't need to behave like this and this isn't the way to get people to care about you.. but I know this is why she is doing it... as she needs to find her niche and she's not there yet...

Any advice gratefully received

[IAmFleshIAmBone]

You talk about 'pandering' to her, 'drama', say that she is needy and says stupid things, and that she is trying to make people like her. It sounds like you don't have. A lot of sympathy for what she could potentially be going through. It sounds like you think she is a bit silly.

I have a mental illness that causes me to have suicidal thoughts one minute and be totally fine the next. And it developed in my teenage years. I'm not saying this is the case with your daughter but if someone says they are feeling suicidal you should take it seriously.

[Meandkids]

Thank you for your reply, I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic as I appreciate there are times when we all feel at the end of our rope with no where to turn...
How would you suggest I move forward with this... what would you appreciate someone doing for you? If you shared this with them...
I think she will shrug it off and say she was having 'one of those days' and feels ok now...I need her to understand that to have 'one of those days' is ok, but to say you want to take your life is completely different and to have ownership of the words without her thinking I don't care... coz I really really do...

[IAmFleshIAmBone]

I think just let her know that she can be totally honest with you - no secrets. If she tells you how she feels don't minimise it. Let her know that whatever she tells you will be taken seriously and not shrugged off, and she won't be judged.

You could ask her if she feels like she needs to talk to someone, like a therapist possibly.

I know that if people hadn't minimised my problems when I was young and got me the help I needed I'd be better off now.

I'm not projecting my issues onto your daughter, just trying to advise you from my own experiences.

[piperm]

Sit her down, talk calmly, coming from someone who dealt with this last year with this myself and other friends (I'm teenage mom now but beforehand i dealt with depression) don't get frustrated or mad, act calmly and say you just want to listen and you are there for her, when you feel those thoughts if she isn't crying for attention, u know people love you but you feel negative about everything, that nobody really cares about you , please no matter what just keep mentioning how much you love her and if she'd like you can go talk to a psychiatrist together or her alone, I understand no parent wants to hear their child is self harming or having dark thoughts and she knows this too, she might keep it in to avoid hurting you too, good luck