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My dss18 is having a relationship with a woman of 28 and I am terribly worried about him.

(13 Posts)
Carmenere Sat 08-Sep-07 17:17:26

Dss has just left to go to stay with his new gf who is 28 and has just left her husband. I feel strongly that he is going to get his heart annihilated when she dumps him for a man of her own age. I also am worried because he is about to start a course in college and he is very easily distracted and a dose of heartbreak will ensure he fails. I just wish he would get us a rest. We spend our whole time worrying about him. Dp thinks that it will be fine but I am not so sure, something feels really wrong about this and I can't quite put my finger on it. sad

Tortington Sat 08-Sep-07 17:24:51

the only advice i can give - is what you already knnow - just be there for him.

my son has a long term GF. the GF's family are great. they are so great - he is round there often. they take him places and treat him exceptionally well. He came home telling me that the gf's dad could get him a job in a garage earning more money than what he is on now - and he is on good money now. bloody good money.

i managed to get him on his own ( in the kitchen where all the great lengthy teenage chats take place) and just tell him not to put his eggs in one basket. Should the unthinkable happen and they split up - suddenly he is working for a friend of the dad and it could all become a bit messy and he could end up with no job - or worse he could end up stying with her becuase he oesn't want to screw up his job.

i left it with a -"think about it son, i love you, i love your gf, but most of all i love you."

now i tell this tale as an analogy there needs to be informal kitchen type conversation where you say - i love you - i really like your gf ( you can lie grin) but if you have babies now - you will work dead end shit money jobs all your life.

go to college - get your degree then provide me with ooooooooooodles of grand children - i look forward to it. but make sure you do it when you have money - becuase i'm spending mine ( ha ha)"

you can't do anything but support him remind him that he will always be yours and that you lvoe him.

DrNortherner Sat 08-Sep-07 17:25:59

Oh dear.

I think yuo just have to let it be and let it run its course. When I was 16 I had an 18 month realtionship with a 26 year old man. The more my parents interfered and and kept me away, the more I wanted him.

Yes it was messy, he treated me badly and dumped me for an older woman and broke my heart. My parents were there to pick up teh pieces and it was a hard lesson learn, but one I needed to learn.

Let him make his mistakes, but always be there.

lou33 Sat 08-Sep-07 17:30:56

not sure if this helps or not, but i do know someone who was 19 when he met a woman online who was 8 yrs older and at the end of her marriage

she left her h and he moved 900 miles to be with her and they set up home together

4 yrs on they are still very happy

Carmenere Sat 08-Sep-07 17:35:43

Thanks all, I have had the convo with him Custy I went for a few drinks with him last night and I told him why I was worried. He is saying all the right things but I know he has fallen for her alreadysad
He knows we will be there for him when it ends but I just hate to think of him heartbroken agian.

Tortington Sat 08-Sep-07 17:47:22


mumblechum Mon 10-Sep-07 14:06:06

A friend of mine has a son of 25 who has been (apparently) happily married for 5 years to a woman who is 45 and has a son the same age as he is.

I do see why you're worried, but remember it isn't absolutely guaranteed to go wrong, though it has prob. less chance than many of success, and as others have said, the more you voice your disapproval, the more he'll want her.

KerryMum Mon 10-Sep-07 14:07:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4mum Tue 11-Sep-07 22:43:36

ive been with my partner since i was 15 and he 28,
im now 33 and hes 45!

4 kids and things are going okay!

madamez Tue 11-Sep-07 22:53:57

He is, technically, an adult now. He has a right to make his own mistakes. And it may not be that much of a mistake, after all. It might just be a short affair that he looks back on fondly in later life.
It is difficult to let one's babies go, but it has to be done. Just be prepared to pick up the bits if it does all go wrong.

FairyOnTheChristmasTree Tue 18-Sep-07 17:03:52

Aww Carmenere I just guess you have to let him make his own mistakes but still guide him as much as he will allow. Did the woman actually finish with her husband to be with DSS?

Carmenere Tue 18-Sep-07 17:08:44

No she was separated first afaik. Tbh I think that there is no point in me making a point of disapproving as he will do as he likes because he know everything because he is 18. And I have kind of decided to lighten up on him as his mother has treated him so appallingly. He went to a family wedding on Saturday and his mother completely ignored him, didn't speak one word to him, wouldn't even catch his eye. the poor child has done NOTHING to deserve this treatment.

Tangas Fri 28-Sep-07 14:56:50

mummy don't worry so much or you will make yourself ill over it. Kids need to make there own misstakes in life. The more you go on at him that it will all end in tears; the more he will berry his head in the sand just to prove you wrong!
try to take a step back from it. There will be two possible outcomes...

1. He might actually be happy with her and have a long loving relationship
2. It will all end in tears like you anticipate.

Either way theres nothing you can atually do about it. so in stead of being on his case, support him. he'll respct you more that way.
As for college.. if he is a cleaver lad he wont let things get in the way of his future.

Good luck xx

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