Going to dads

[Hairydogmummy]

How did those of you who have teens manage visits to their dads once they got older? My DS is 16 now and I've tried to pass the arrangements for his visits to his dad over to the two of them rather than between his dad and I. My ExH still wants DS to spend a roughly equal time at both houses over the two weeks Xmas hols. DS doesn't particularly want to. We get on fine and everything and I feel a bit stuck in the middle. DS doesn't want to upset his dad by saying he doesn't fancy it so I've said it's up to DS and ExH should ask him so now ExH is pressing him to agree on the grounds that he'll be spending a lot of the holiday with me. DS still sticks rigidly to the contact arrangements he's had for years and his dad asks me if he can go round for extra time at his if we're doing something which means he can't go over. I really didn't think I'd still be in this situation when he was 16. He's not much for going out socialising so his dad's not missed seeing him for that kind of reason. It's like a ExH still sees it as 'you have him, I have him share it out fairly' type thing rather than DS as an independent young man.

[45andfine]

I think it's a conversation best left to father and son? They're both old enough to communicate what they want/ need. If you get too involved one, other or both could accuse you off interfering. Men can be notoriously poor at communicating, gently encourage them both to talk?