Lost relationships... Alone in a family of 4

[Sn0wball]

Just read the thread about being heartbroken because teen doesn't speak. New to forum so put my thread on end... Want the right place... So will try again.

Hi, well I got one DD through teenage with rules and respect, but with 7 year age gap the second DD is proving to be a challenge that I'm not sure our family will recover from.

Oh that all sounds rather dramatic I know, but her manipulation of her rather weak (and aspie) father means I'm the one left out in the cold. I'm broken, lonely and overwhelmingly frustrated.

Id always had a good relationship and we had rules. I limited screen time, no tech at dinner time and the like. Then I was made redundant. As main wage earner I took a contract which meant a long commute. During that year all my rules were trashed. Husband had his routines and keeping the rules was to much trouble. Problems really started when DD was bought a new phone by DH with large data allowance... Pop went control of screen time.

She then almost out of defiance refused to take dirty cups etc or her room, this I objected to but DH didn't back me up. She seized this power and soon being want changed clothes and wet towels just left on floor. I couldn't keep fighting without adult backup. DH in mean time enjoyed being the go to person.

Of course there were rows. At Christmas time she told me she had no respect for me. DH told me to listen to what she was saying and that I deserved the treatment. All this was enough to send me to the Dr's feeling like I was losing the plot.

She isn't civil with me, blame me for moving items. I feel awkward in my own home.

DH doesn't have a radar for empathy and can only focus on the rows and won't back me.

I think this will kill what threads of the marriage that are left. At the moment I have decided silence is my best defence. There is no point me attempting to parent without support. It is just so deeply sad to be at such a bad place.

Last week I suggested to her that if an evening maybe it would be nice if she made the evening cup if tea, well that erupted into a complete melt down which as always came back to me being unreasonable.

It worries me how she will grow these next couple of years before uni. I have to hold firm that she knows right from wrong and that the good is in there somewhere, but I'm not being an open purse when treated with such disregard. Just hoping I have the strength to keep it going 😥

Writing this having started a new job and putting this week to spend two night away from home for a breather... Sorry state of affairs.

[bluebell34567]

it seems first of all there are problems with your dh.
if you cant solve this you cant solve the problems with your dd.

[EileenAlanna]

Go on strike. Make your own meals, do your own laundry etc. Don't give her any kind of allowance. Tell DH to deal with anything himself if he or she comment or complain about things. Spend your free time doing what you enjoy - reading, a hobby, out for walks alone etc. Get yourself a nice dog for company if you're an animal lover. In short say enough is enough & that if she's determined to ruin her own life & DH is prepared to let her then so be it, you've better things to be getting on with.