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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

DS1 (12) looking up porn

21 replies

difficult2ndalbum · 05/02/2019 22:50

I know it's normal etc but how are you supposed to handle it.

His iPad and phone are locked down but I caught him on MY iPad in incognito mode. Little fucker.

I can lock my iPad down too etc but I don't know how I feel about it.

I have issues with the unnatural/industrial element of modern porn and the depiction of women etc, and he's too young to be seeing those kinds of images.

I mean they were actually fairly tame as our broadband restrictions are quite high too.

Is there ethical porn that's suitable for teenagers!!!!!!

On the whole - tell me what to do.

Do I talk to him? Do I cancel the broadband and move to a remote island?

Help me!

OP posts:

Report

winteryslippers · 05/02/2019 22:56

Following for someone with the answers!

difficult2ndalbum · 06/02/2019 06:54

This morning I found myself thinking it was a shame they got rid of page 3.

What have I become?

OP posts:

sashh · 06/02/2019 08:24

OK, I am no expert but you do need to talk to him.

Maybe get hold of a magazine, not porn, Marie Claire or something and discuss how women are portrayed, the air brushing, the make up etc.

Then a discussion about how porn does not show real sex, well it does, but not sex that normal people have, The 18 rating is there for a reason, the images are not suitable for children.

Acknowledge his feelings and curiosity.

I'm not sure how much that helps, hopefully others will be along soon.

WhatTheNightBrings · 06/02/2019 08:28

Is it the porn he was interested in, or the nakedness?

FlipF · 06/02/2019 09:45

I'd put a passcode on your iPad for starters.

Fiddie · 06/02/2019 09:47

12 is very young to be accessing poem, even ethical porn, if it existed.

Have you spoken to him about it?

Fiddie · 06/02/2019 09:47

Porn not poem. Poem would be fine!

Oblomov19 · 06/02/2019 09:48

It needs talking about. He is obviously interested, curious.

MegaBat · 06/02/2019 10:42

I have a 12 year old son and I wouldn't be condoning this in any way shape or form at this age. 12 is very young. I would block his ability to see this stuff and if I wasn't confident I could do that, i would remove the devices. I'd understand your view point of wanting to manage this if he was say, 15 or even 14. Not 12.

MegaBat · 06/02/2019 10:43

And you're right. He IS too young to be seeing these images. Where has this come from? What's the source of it?

Ribbonsonabox · 06/02/2019 10:49

Well.... theres stuff like 'all about Anna' ? And the other Zentropia sex films aimed at focusing on the pleasure of women.... www.google.com/webhp?client=tablet-android-samsung-nf-rev1&source=

I suppose that would be considered ethical as they were all professional paid actors and are trying to create more woman centred pornography.

But I think 12 might be a bit young to watch any porn as he wont gave any emotional context at all!

Perhaps he was just curious and maybe you should have the talk with him about the way women are depicted on this internet porn and why etc.

Ribbonsonabox · 06/02/2019 10:51

Sorry my link didnt work there! en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Anna

difficult2ndalbum · 06/02/2019 15:25

I had a chat with him this morning. He says all his friends at school are watching it.

I explained that, whilst wanting to look at naked women was quite normal for teenage boys, internet porn really wasn't acceptable. I explained that it was an unrealistic portrayal of people's bodies, sex in general and actually a lot of the people taking part really didn't want to and therefore it's not a good thing to watch.

I said his friends did a lot of things that I won't allow (18 films, video games etc) and that it really wasn't the point.

I'm trying to get to the bottom of it though. I checked our broadband settings and they are nailed down - so I have no idea how he was able to access it at home.

But I'm on the case!

I don't want him accessing it at home but clearly he is going to see it elsewhere etc so it seems right that we talk about it properly.

Life was much easier when it was the Bubble Guppies!

OP posts:

Fiddie · 06/02/2019 17:34

As a safeguarding lead I would tell you to contact the school

He's a pre teen and if they are all watching porn I'd like to know where it started.

difficult2ndalbum · 06/02/2019 21:02

I've spoken to him again.

Apparently lots of his friends have Pornhub accounts and he says there is a lot of pressure to look - it is being passed round school etc.

I've gone all a bit Victorian.

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Biologifemini · 06/02/2019 21:05

Great
I look forward for the inability for these boys to conduct relationships and behave all John Ruskin at the sight of a pube
If they have porn hub accounts then I would get the school to send a nice letter to the other parents telling them to parent before their child becomes a sex pest with no idea how a woman looks or behaves in bed.

JITSOG · 06/02/2019 21:06

I have porn blocked on my router. You could do that?

Fiddie · 06/02/2019 21:13

I'd go more than a bit Victorian.

He's not even a teenager. He's 12. How long has he been accessing porn?

I agree with blocking everything on your router

sashh · 07/02/2019 03:31

I'm trying to get to the bottom of it though. I checked our broadband settings and they are nailed down - so I have no idea how he was able to access it at home.

Do your neighbours have open wifi?

I agree with contacting the school, they should know about this as should other parents.

There was a TV documentary called Tyger takes on... , one episode is on porn, it might be too old for your ds so I suggest watching it first and then deciding if/when it could be something to show DS.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01ydjwl

Frainbreeze · 07/02/2019 03:34

so I have no idea how he was able to access it at home.

It's very, very easy. Grab a VPN and away you go, all restrictions bypassed, in a nutshell. Only the companies responsible for this content can block it, any measures by government, ISPs and parental controls are so very simple to navigate.

Only solution is to remove the devices.

difficult2ndalbum · 07/02/2019 09:47

That's my point though - it was blocked on the router.

They have screentime on their phones and ipads so they can't use them after 8pm and adult content is blocked on their devices.

He was using my ipad (which I hardly ever use) and says he was on our wifi but I don't think he was. I've tried to access it on my laptop and can't.

However what I have discovered is that, even if you have blocked the porn, you can still access google images - just not click through to the sites.

Every day's a school day!

OP posts:

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