Should we insist DD does some out of school activity?

[Mummymay2]

DD is 12 and in Y7. Until last year she enjoyed various activities - 2 dance classes, an art class and tennis every week but stopped these by the end of the summer term. I think some of the reason was anxiety about moving to senior school and keeping up with the work but she’s managing this fine - about an hour a night on average - so I feel she would benefit from doing something structured/with others other than school and homework.
Most of her free time she is listening to music/dancing or reading or drawing or sometimes playing with her younger sister.
She used to really love dance in particular and I’ve suggested she starts classes again, or something else that interests her but she says she wants to do her own thing.
Should I insist that she chooses at least one activity for an evening or weekend? Or leave her be and just make sure she has the option if she changes her mind?

[Slipperboots]

I think it’s good to socialise with people from outside school. I think if she stops doing things at 12 she isn’t going to restart them again though.
I would gently push doing one thing and set a time limit for doing it (Easter perhaps) to see how she gets on.

[Bumblebee39]

I would let her be tbh
I mean, I would hope my DCs want to do an extra curricular but if they don't? I wouldn't push it.

At 12 I dropped a fairly busy schedule of activities (think one thing nearly every day) and filled my time (as I still do) with activities that relaxed me instead. I had about a year of just seeing friends, school, homework etc. My interests changed, and I started a new instrument which I still play and eventually joined a gym. I found competitive dancing was very stressful and that I enjoyed it more as an older teen doing if for fun and fitness than performance. I ultimately discovered I found performing very stressful and studying and socialising challenging at times (as I still do) but I returned to music and fitness later (which I still enjoy today)

I know some people who continued with dance or sports competitively and continued them into adulthood, but more who dropped it eventually to commit to new things
I don't know anyone who continued with more than one thing and managed to attain a high level at it whilst also maintaining good school grades. I'm talking gold or silver medal for county standard though so that may make the difference.

[Mummymay2]

Thanks for your replies. She definitely values her downtime and is an introvert so does need time on her own to recharge. I’m not talking about packing her schedule though or doing anything necessarily competitive, more something to relax by taking her mind off internal dialogue.

[Bumblebee39]

@Mummymay2

It sounds like she is doing that though, having time to draw and chill out at home

I would just keep the option open for her to take something up

I think the issue is at that age regular activities become competitive even if you don't want them too, especially things like dancing

[BrokenWing]

It's a difficult age, activities become competitive and those that just want to have fun stop enjoying them, new things like the gym or fitness classes they are too young for. I think it's important they do something active at least couple of times a week even if it's walking the dog for an hour, going for a run, swimming with friends, playing badminton with friends, some martial arts classes are good just for fitness and fun etc.

[Mummymay2]

Thank you, your replies have all been very helpful. I hadn’t considered how significant the increasing competitiveness might be - and this is definitely something that she wouldn’t like.
There’s a local wildlife trust that has a monthly group for 12-16 year olds that might be the sort of thing she would like although not until she’s a bit older (being the youngest there I think would intimidate her).
We do try and get out of the house at weekends and she’s said (in theory at least) that she’ll come for a cycle with me in the evening when it’s lighter.
So I’ll keep encouraging and suggesting different things.

[Teenagemaw]

@BrokenWing Thankyou for your comment, it really helped me understand something my teen dd is going through just now.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I do agree with everything that's already been said but we've sort of insisted our DD does one activity that school run, mainly because she has dropped so many other activities.

She chose dodgeball which ribs one lunchtime and since then has joined the brass group and is now helping out with the scenery for the school play.

I'm not sure she would have done any of these without the initial gentle push from us to do one activity and if she'd said no to us then, we would probably have backed down.

[mumto2teenagers]

What about suggesting an activity you could do together. My youngest DD gave up most of her activities at around 12 but was happy to come swimming with me once a week.

[BackInTime]

I think you should persist OP. Besides the benefits of learning a new skill and spending time away from screens etc. one of the main benefits for my DC in teenage years has been the widening of their friendship group both inside and outside school. There have been times during friendship dramas when having a separate group of friends has been such a good escape and invaluable in helping them through tough times.

[SnowsInWater]

I would insist on one activity a week of her choosing. Having alternative friendship groups other than school can be very helpful - especially if she ever has a rough patch with friends in high school which is very common.

[lljkk]

I'm glad I insisted with DS. He just did swim lessons & now has a paper round. As long as he did Something.

[twosoups1972]

I insist on one exercise based/active thing a week for health benefits. School PE is not enough for weekly exercise. Oldest and youngest do a lot of dance outside of school, and middle dd does Thai boxing. Other than that, I let them choose to do any other activities or not.

[TeenTimesTwo]

There’s a local wildlife trust that has a monthly group for 12-16 year olds that might be the sort of thing she would like

This exact thing works well for my DD. It isn't weekly so seems less of a commitment, and no time to get bored with it. She looks forward to it every month.
Non competitive, which is great for DD.
This month they tidied up some land, did some bird watching and put up bird boxes.
It is really gentle, and the kids that go tend to be 'pushy'/'mature' from what I have seen. (Not putting it well, but can't be all into hair and makeup and looking beautiful while making a bird hide.)

(If you happen to be in Hants send me a PM)