What do I do?

[Guardian786]

I'm looking after my 14 year old cousin since his mum passed last year. He's had a traumatic time until he moved in with me (I'm 28). Helped his mum raise him since he was a baby.

He's always been a good boy (he'd make me tea without asking, he'd want to help around the house and was well mannered) until recently he's started acting up. He's bunked off school once, he's been climbing over school fences and being rude to teachers and today he missed maths at school.

He's started to be rude to be and treats me with no regard and that when I tell him off I'm over reacting. If I take his phone off him for rude behaviour then I'm being extreme. He threatens he won't go to school if I don't give his phone back. If I say I don't want to talk to him, he'll say "how old are you? You're behaving like a 5 year old".

I would do anything for him, I'd move mountains for him, I put him over me all the time. I always give in to him but now I'm struggling. I've had to raise my voice on him but I don't like doing that.

He just doesn't listens to me anymore. I don't want him to make me tea, I don't need him to do the house work, I can do my self but I need him to respect everyone around him, esp those who care so dearly for him and don't want to see him ruin his life.

I've tried to get him to go counselling, maybe there are unresolved issues from his mother's death but he doesn't want to go and I can't force him. We use to be good friends and now it feels like I am his worst enemy. I've been missing his mum so much now. I don't know what to do

[Kath36]

Unfortunately many teens go like this. When my daughter turned 13 it became hell on earth. Now turning it around and becoming a nice kid again 16 next month. First bit of advice that I could give and take it from me I learnt the hard way. Absolutely stick to what you say regarding rules and respect. He may need some bereavement counselling if he is open to it could be worth a try. My brother once said to me suck it up as this is who they are for a few years. Not much help I know but your not alone. Good luck

[WeAreSailing]

Try not to take it personally, sounds like typical teenage attitude.

You're doing a great job!

[AnneTwackie]

Absolutely normal and from the little you’ve said you sound like you are doing a fantastic job! Most parents of teens feel like this at some point, especially when your child was lovely before. I really recommend this book, We Need to Talk by Ian Williamson- it’s always my go to as it tells you what is worth worrying about and what is normal. I agree counselling might help him but if he’s reluctant could you see if there’s any pastoral help in school? Also, make sure you’ve got some support yourself, parenting teens can be a thankless, lonely, confusing task!
I always find getting out of the house and doing something fun resets our relationship when we have trouble, boys find it easier to talk if they’re engaged in an activity. Sorry, this post is massive, but I just really feel for you and think it’s wonderful what you are doing