Parenting fail day

[Livedandlearned2]

Today has been a disaster in our home. I've made two teenagers and myself cry.

First was ds who wanted to go to town, I said he needed to catch a bus. He didn't move himself until too late to catch the bus. He has little resilience and decided that was it, wouldn't catch the next one, just wouldn't go at all.

Second was dd, she wanted a new school skirt and needs tights. So we went to retail park where she trailed me like a store detective but didn't help to look for the skirt at all. I finally found it after 15 minutes, handed it to her to check the fit. She declared it too long and looked at me like I was a piece of dirt from under her shoe. I couldn't take any more, put the skirt and tights back and paid for my own tops and left the shop.

I can't be treated like that by my kids but it's not as simple as that. I now feel like the worst mum in the world.

It had followed me telling her that she isn't to ask for money from grandparents just to buy tat with. She has a little job and spends all of that money on snacks. She doesn't see her dad but asks him for money and buys snacks.

I'm doing this job alone and desperately need reassurance or help from somewhere!

Does anyone have some advice or experience to help me?

[Cauliflowersqueeze]

Why has anything you’ve done been wrong?

If DS missed the bus, tough. He’ll know for next time.

If DD is being an arse about the length then fine, just go?

I don’t understand why you are remotely upset about either situation.

[Boyskeepswinging]

I agree - both situations will allow them to learn from their behaviour. Don't feel bad about it - they are both old enough to understand action and consequence!

[Livedandlearned2]

You're right, they are superb at making me feel guilty.

[Scifi101]

Mine have PhDs in making me feel guilty.

Don't know about you op but I am so sick of making all the effort while they treat me like dirt.

So I'm trying to ignore the guilt but I've spent so long being guilt tripped by them that i have to keep my guard up all the time which is exhausting.

[Boyskeepswinging]

And you're doing well not pandering to that. Stay firm!

[circleoflife]

Your son missed a bus and your daughter looked at you funny.
I'm not too sure what you're upset about. Have you made your expectations of your kids clear to them or are you quite passive-aggressive?

[LIZS]

Neither were your fault. You facilitated they chose not to cooperate. Why the tears?

[Livedandlearned2]

My main issue with parenting is that it's all down to me even though they have a father. He does nothing at all, I spend every weekend being a taxi or bank and taking all the shit. I find it really hard and often wish I hadn't even had kids with him.

[Livedandlearned2]

I cried out of sheer frustration, my expectations are too high and I need to realise that my kids aren't goong to be extremely grateful for my efforts.

[woollyheart]

It feels like a disaster, but it has been a day that maybe they will learn something from.

You have nothing to feel guilty about - things could have gone very differently if they had been bothered.

[LavenderBush]

You did your job well today. How would they learn independence if you spoonfed them everything?

You are bringing them up to deal with real life. It's sometimes going to be a painful and frustrating process for all of you, but that's its nature.

Today was tough but you did a good job.

[Livedandlearned2]

Thank you, that's nice to hear.

[Donegal11]

Your not alone in feeling like this. I am very bad at being tough with my DDs and it doesn’t come naturally to me.,I think I’m too much of a people pleaser so always go out of my way to make life easier for them however I get sick and tired of being treated like s**t. Now I force myself to refuse lifts, money handouts etc when they are not being respectful. They are slowly learning that mum is not a pushover, you have my sympathy but don’t beat yourself up. Teenagers can be absolute horrors 😭

[expatmigrant]

I think that's pretty good parenting actually. Don't beat yourself up.
They were behaving a bit bratty and you dealt with it.

[Livedandlearned2]

I feel better today. Thanks to everyone who responded and those who resonated with me, it's good to know I'm not the only one who struggles sometimes, but we're trying our best and getting there slowly.

[Squeegle]

I often feel like you did today. I’m also a single mum and my DCs are food at making me feel guilty. When you have no other adult there it is easy to feel alone demoralised and in the wrong! They love us really bit oh boy do they test us.

[Livedandlearned2]

I had a good read of a self help book called Get out of my life! But first can you take me and Alex into town. It made me feel so much better about some of the things my teens do.

[GonzoFlyingProducts]

Good book...
Teenagers are weird, evil, manipulative lizards...

You don't need advice, you need a bottle of Baileys and a determination to stick to your standards.

I come and read this forum every time I feel like a bad parent and EVERY TIME I find out the same thing - I'm not a crap parent, I'm just parenting teenagers and all teenagers are evil lizards. It DOES come to an end though - sent one to university last year and he's turned back into a person!

But in the meantime yes, you are ruining their lives, you are the worst parent in the world, all their friends think you're way too strict, you are evil and wrong about everything and BLAH BLAH BLEET !

Until they need clean clothes and a lift to - wherever !
And then you are an all giving god.

Get your hands on another book - it's called something like Divas and Door slammers (about teenage girls). It helped me.

[Livedandlearned2]

Thank you Gonzo, I will read that with a large Baileys!