17yr old daughter A levels and Boyfriend breakup 🙄

[Monica53]

Our Dd is currently at 6th form college and had goals for future,however suffers badly with anxiety etc after lots of bullying at school who did little to solve,however now DD is sayIng she isn't going into college due to several reasons:1; A girl who bullied her at school attends college and attempted to continue though had warning!

2: Dd boyfriend dumped her over phone and was with this other girl and friend at time.
So now Dd saying no way is she going into college with this.

We have talked and she says she'll go into college and speak to tutor about everything from struggling with work to Boyfriend breakup-actually may I say myself and her dad have said this Boy never treat her as priority and always made excuses if arrangements made always something else cropped up-though Dd says she loves him and worst thing he is friends with the bully and wouldn't stop either which made me question his feelings for Dd, however now she saying she wants to leave college but not sure what to do. She is bright and we've said A levels are stressful though she seriously needs to speak to tutors today.

We've suggested she apply for voluntary work or to be college ambassador something to keep her busy and challenge her out comfort zone?

Also this horrid girl makes her feel uncomfortable and this girl has already been warned and I've suggested perhaps college get them both in room to discuss what issues are as we are concerned for future of Dd.

Also if she doesn't attend due to absence already due to sickness she'll get a warning. She is bright, though no confidence. Help not sure which way to turn. Thank you

[chocolateworshipper]

Is she first year of 6th form or second? If first year, there is a possibility of starting again if you think that might suit her better. DD is Y13 and lots of her friends started again this year (so will do 3 years at college).

Talking to the tutor is definitely a good move. Hopefully he/she can suggest other ways that the college can help her.

If she suffers from anxiety, does she have a MH diagnosis? If so, she could have a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act, and so bullying / harassment is more serious.

Talking to her about "not letting the bully & exBF win" MAY help (but who knows with teenagers). You may well find that the bully has rubbish attendance and/or poor grades (not that these things ALWAYS go together). By talking to the tutor, she may get an idea whether this girl is close to being thrown out anyway.

[Puzzledmum]

Can she move colleges? I think it might be best to go somewhere else instead of being in the company of the bully and the exbf for another year and a half?

[Monica53]

Thank you for replying-Dd has spoken to principal and has been reassured things will improve. She is going away half term and hopefully a change in scenery and a chat with other family members who she looks to sometimes will give her the reassurance she needs-I hope. We have made our little snug room into an office/chill space for her to try to support her studies. She also said she didn't want to move college so we just have to try to support her in anyway possible x

[flyingcrow]

I'd suggest a couple of things to help your daughter develop more confidence and resilience: Firstly, see if you can find an assertiveness/self-esteem course or workshop she can attend - though that may be a long shot, there's not that many affordable ones about. Secondly (and probably easier to find) try to get her some one-to-one counselling. Most areas have a low-cost service, and there's often something aimed specifically at young people. Look online, and ask the college (colleges often have their own counselling service) or your GP.