This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Quick survey.....please cast your verdicts on a 19 year old(21 Posts)
So... just out of interest.... do you have to tell your 19 year old, young adult to constantly tidy their room, bring clothes down for wash, put pots away off drainer (he washes them without fail) empty their bedroom bin...... or is it just me!!!
I've made a New Years resolution that I will only ask once and I will now serve consequences!
I may sound a nag but it drives me insane!! He is an adult now!
Thanks in advance!
Hope I'm not the only one pulling my hair out Hahahaha
Please also say if it's boy or girl.... maybe boys are just more lazy!!!
Happy new year to you all xx
I don't ask my 18 told to tidy her room - if she choses to live in a pig sty that is her choice.
I don't ask her to bring down clothes - she does her own washing.
DCs are responsible for loading/unloading dishwasher no nagging required.
Like you say he is an Adult - treat him like one.
put pots away off drainer
I think the sun would go cold before this would occur to DS 18, he would continue to pile wet pots onto of already dry ones until the drainer looked like some sort of Buckaroo/jenga with plates.
Mine is 20, but really lazy... What consequences were you thinking? I find it easier to cope as mine is away at uni most of the time.
Ds 16 blitzes his room around fortnightly. Ds 23 has his spotless!!
Never go in unless a ddog /dc is missing and needs rescued!!
My 18 year old DD lives in a pig sty but I leave her to it. She brings me clothes when she's ran out.
It's MUCH easier now she is away full time at uni. We've just had her home for 2 weeks and I was quite happy to wave her off goodbye. Went to change sheets and she had pasta dish left in her bed plus cups, saucers, glasses. Definitely don't miss all this
Room, clothes, bin - up to her.
Fair shares of household tasks just continues in an age appropriate manner from being able to walk to, leaving home.
At 19 they shouldn't need to be told all of this - and you should be telling them OP.
If my DCs don't wash their clothes they walk around in PJs until they do. If their clothes are dirty they know where the washing machine is.
I have better things to do with my time than tell a DC (I have 3, aged 18, 20, 22) to move things off the draining boards. If they've washed them that's good enough for me.
I would, if I bothered. It doesn't matter to me if her room is tidy, tbh. If she loses something in the heap, steps on it on the floor or runs out of clean clothes, that's her own problem. I do ask her to bring out food remains and dishes about half of the time, and the other half she remembers by herself. She only lives with us during uni holidays anyway.
shouldn't be telling them! major typo
I have had both a boy and girls who were 19.
Stop telling yours what to do and stop dreaming up consequences for the state of their own room. They are adults. Yours does his own laundry, right? If not, then that has to start.
For common areas, give them responsibility for cooking three nights a week from start to finish, including putting everything away. Also assign one room that is their responsibility to clean - maybe the downstairs loo? It would have to be stocked properly too.
Get rid of the drainer, so there is no choice but to dry and put away.
Were there ever set chores as this 19 year old was growing up? Are your expectations new?
DS20 is the same. I couldn't sit in it myself. I've been on at him for years. He's like an episode of Hoarders Buried Alive, but gets really offended when I point that out to him, which I do regularly.
DS17 - don't nag him to tidy his room, it's up to him if he wants to live like Stig of the Dump, but I do make him bring cutlery, glasses and plates down when I notice I'm running out. He will wash up when requested and mainly does his own washing and ironing, but if he leaves clothes to be washed and I'm putting a load on I will chuck them in for him. He doesn't reciprocate if he's doing a wash and it drives me mad. He will however empty and refill the tumble dryer, and change his bedclothes without prompting.
Their room, their problem. They do the jobs I tell or ask them to and if they walk out of a room leaving a used cup behind then I take it when I go, after all none of us are perfect.
agree with others above - we have a 27 yr son still living here & his stuff creeps out of his room every so often into the spare room (wardrobe ) & garage (work tools & other junk). I dont like the state of his bedroom so keep the door closed - its luckily not near my own bedroom or living areas - but he gets told every so often, maybe every couple of months to clean it up for health hazard reasons, otherwise we leave him to it. His loss if his clothes are mislaid or dirty when he needs them or if he cannot find stuff for his work.
Same here - Own bedrooms - their responsibility no matter how horrible. But I do ask them to move stuff when they leave it lying around the rest of the house.
Consequences: I once put a used frying pan which hadn't been washed up on DC's bed for him to find on coming back from a night out. He hasn't done it again.
Two boys here, 17 and 19. I understand the logic behind just allowing them to get on with it but I hate their rooms being complete pigstys, these two rooms are part of my home and we paid for the carpets, furniture etc. However, I grit my teeth and keep quiet about that.
I aso grit my teeth and keep quiet about the fact that every time they get a drink or food they start again with a clean plate/glass/mug instead of bringing the one down from their bedroom that they have been using. Sigh.
Generally since they both got steady girlfriends their rooms have been cleaner and tidier. Both will do a few chores around the home if they feel like it. If asked directly to help they will get on with it, sometimes with a bit of huffing. If they use the kitchen they will clean up after themselves (maybe not quite to my standard but I can live with that).
Both have dirty laundry baskets in their rooms and if I need to make up a load up I will gather up items out of these baskets but I refuse to pick clothes up off floors, beds, chairs etc. DS1 does most of his own washing but leaves it all until he has no clean clothes then wants to use the tumble drier (even in summer) which irritates me.
Overall mine aren't too bad, although I have noticed that the eldest is doing less at the moment. I try not to molly-coddle them too much and have to stop myself from doing things for them sometimes.
DS 17 needs to be reminded to do everything. His room is a pigsty and I do his washing, although he does put it in a bag and bring it to the machine. On the plus side he is very obliging when asked to pop to the shops, or bring in logs etc. He is a work in progress.
His older brothers are responsible for their own rooms and laundry, and one of them will notice that the dishwasher needs emptying/ filling and do it. The other one will ignore that but cooks, does the meal planning and online shopping.
None of them would think to clean/ hoover communal parts, but all do it on request.
I think your DC is doing OK, just keep at it.
Even DD (15) does this herself a lot of the time. By 19 I would hope she’d be doing it without a reminder.