Verbal abuse

[Gerbil17]

How do you deal with it?
It is getting worse.
He is shouting down his headset on his xbox. I ask him nicely to keep the noise down he shouts "alright. Sorry. Go" as i walk out i heard him saying "bitch" i say excuse me and he claimed to be talking to those on the headset. Fat chance...but i cant be certain.

This is getting beyond a joke.
I get called:
Stupid cunt
Stupid bitch
Fucking dick
I was ill, vomiting, on the verge of going to hospital due to dehydration and he called me a lying fucking bitch because i wouldnt do something for him. I physically couldnt.

It is everytime i do or say something he doesnt like. This includes if he has done wrong and knows he has and i speak to him.about it or put consequences in place.

[ragged]

Wow...
I say in reply to anything I don't like: "I never speak to you like that, so what makes you think it's okay to speak to me so rudely?" Very calm & very firm. This has plenty traction if repeated often. Especially if I won't let them do anything else until they acknowledge how out of order they were.

Moreover, they need stuff from us. Money, lifts, etc. You could threaten to withhold one such favour a day on the basis of having been spoken to so horribly.

Like toddlers: you have to try to deal with it immediately whenever possible. Complaining about it 2 hours later would be too late.

If I thought I heard a mumbled "bitch" as I left the room I'd turn around & demand attention until we clarified what I heard. I'd make it clear that he's going to have to deal with a very insistent extended games interruption as reward for the apparent rudeness. So hopefully not worth risking that again.

DD has a venomous tongue & very occasionally I shut her down & refuse to listen. Doesn't swear at me, just MEAN personal comments.

[Ledkr]

Goodness me! Why does he still have an x box? I'd have smashed it up with a hammer the first time he caked me a name.
I take it you are a lone parent? If not what does his father say?
Tell him this is no longer acceptable and ea h time he said it turn off the wifi. Repeat until he learns!

[SD1978]

I’m not quite sure why you are continuing to allow this, unless you have had systemic abuse from your son and now are just used to it. Unlike with a partner, you still have power in this situation, you are not equals. Does he earn his own money? Does he contribute at all? Like any abusive relationship, you are worth more than this, you deserve better than this. You are important and should be respected in your own home. If he can not manage this, then it shouldn’t be his home anymore. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this abusive relationship.

[differentnameforthis]

How to deal with it - leave. It will not get better.

A man who talks to you like this would think nothing of hitting you.

[differentnameforthis]

Oh geez...sorry just realised this is your teen! Can't leave him, obviously.

I would certainly start with removing the xbox.

How old is he?

[laudanum]

First things first - remove his access to the internet until he learns to speak to you with respect. Secondly, tell him that the language he's been using is entirely unacceptable towards you, or anyone else, and until he straightens himself out, he's grounded.

That kind of behaviour is absolutely 100% intolerable, and you can't meet that with anything other than a stern stance. If he kicks up a fuss, confiscate his Xbox. Show him you're not messing about. He's under your roof, consequently he should behave himself. This sort of talk reeks of the ugly language Gamer Gate folks were using to harass women and sympathisers online in ways that got waaaaaay out of hand.

The way he talked to you when you were sick is even worse. His attitude seems wholly misogynistic in a way that's worrying. If he thinks it's okay to talk to you like that, imagine how he speaks to women who aren't related to him. What about girls at school? Other people online? This has a much bigger picture, but you can't fix any of that unless you address his obnoxious behaviour at home.

Revoke WiFi access and see how quickly he changes his tune, it's a good starting point with teens who live their entire lives online.

[Gerbil17]

I have been informed by SS to pick my battles.
Had i of done what i wanted to do, which would have been to take his headset off him and then his wifi.
It would have led to so much more verbal abuse and probably physical violence around the home. It was late. I was exhausted and needed my bed.

I am a lone parent and having nothing but bother with him. He is 13.
I know his behaviour is that on someone with anger issues - this is all being addressed.
Unfortunately i am still forced to live with this abuse and that is the impact it is having on me and my younger dc - the same as living with an abusive adult.

His behaviour is the same elsewhere -with anybody. Police included.
I am now being told that anyone living under my roof is my responsibility and if i cannot reign him in, then i am breaking my tenancy agreement and risk losing my home.

I can not reign him in. He does not care. Even when being told the position i am facing he responded with a smirk.

His father has no involvement in his life, but his dad was exactly the same. Only my son hasnt had enough involvement with him for that to rub off on him.
So unless it is genetic??

My younger two from different dads do not display any of this behaviour. They are suffering too

[cacoa]

i remove my son's xbox controller when he speaks to me like that - make him apologize straight away. But he does not get it back for 24hrs.
i also ignore him, and learned not to shout back at him.
its horrible when your teen treats you this way, you have my sympathy.

[duffus]

I could have written your message. My son is 16 and I have to give evidence against him next week as he is so violent to me and smashes up the house. I have called the police on numerous occasions. I have sought out help until I myself am unwell. It is a nightmare that this country is not recognising as a major issue. My son now lives in a homeless hostel, has substance misuse issues an d is on the verge of prison. I am totally helpless in the situation. He doesn't engage with any services and will be another statistic on the streets soon(if not in prison). There are no in patient child mental health units. Its a disgrace.
I hope things improve for you but I'm afraid in my case they got a lot lot worse and I'm a lone parent too. Wishing you luck!!