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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Presents from extended family after age 18

21 replies

lljkk · 14/12/2017 11:12

My eldest turned 18 recently. His uncle asked if he (the uncle) should still send a present for Christmas.

Since the 18yo already bought the uncle something I suggested yes please this year... but what about future? What do you guys do in your families about nieces/nephews? DC only have the one uncle buying them stuff.

OP posts:

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charlmum60 · 14/12/2017 13:24

In same sort of situation - Christmas day spent together with my brother and sister...eldest niece just got married - when she was 18 I just started buying her one nice gift (£30) and I have continued to do this and a small gift for now hubby too...My other two nieces are 18 and 20 but so far I have continued to buy them a stocking filled with gifts that probably amount up to £70 each ...Both my brother and sister give my DD a stocking full of gifts and its the tradition for the girls to open their stockings together (my DD is 15). Filling a stocking for 18 and 20 year becomes allot more difficult has they get older and expensive . I would dearly love to just buy the one gift each but feel that we would somehow loose the Christmas tradition...I spoke to my sister and she is buying the girls some small gifts plus gift vouchers (again in a stocking)... so I dont want to be the auntie that stops the tradition.

I think we will go away next Christmas - so perhaps that will be the year to break the trend ...

lljkk · 14/12/2017 13:26

Wow, £70 each is a lot, you are generous.
I guess I will talk to DS & see how he feels.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 14/12/2017 13:26

Our whole family stops at 18 so DS1 won't be getting anything from them this year. Will be strange as DS2 (15) will be. TBH it's a bit of a relief though as there has been a lot of voucher swapping in recent years, sometimes the same vouchers!

DS1 doesn't buy Aunts and Uncles presents.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 14/12/2017 13:29

I w

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 14/12/2017 13:31

I would buy for someone still in education so age 18.

lljkk · 14/12/2017 13:37

Maybe DS could chip in to pay for the family gift to Uncle.

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 16/12/2017 15:35

We go to 21 in our family then stop. From 14ish onwards it is usually money in a card.

WhiskeySourpuss · 16/12/2017 15:46

We are supposed to stop buying nieces & nephews when they get to 18 but one of my brothers has 5 kids aged between 5 & 21 & I would feel bad buying for 3 of them & not the other 2 so I still buy for them all.

Really need to stop it though as at this rate the eldest 2 will be getting presents into their 30's

specialsubject · 16/12/2017 15:58

£70????

No wonder today's times classes 'scrooge' presents as £30 or less.

Floralnomad · 16/12/2017 16:10

My dc both still get bought for by their 2 aunts on my side and uncle on dhs side , however they also both buy presents for the aunts ( and my sisters husband) and although they don’t buy for the uncle on dhs side we buy for his grandchildren ( our great niece/ nephew) so it all evens out a bit . I wouldn’t expect to buy for adult nieces / nephews if the presents were not reciprocated ( not necessarily in a monetary sense ) .

pomegranita · 16/12/2017 16:17

I think (hope) it’s acceptable to stop at 18. Once they're independent beings, I would think they test would be “would they buy for me?”. And unless it’s an unusually close aunt/uncle - niece/nephew relationship, or you always spend Xmas together at their house and so might make some offering towards the festivities, I would say no - it would be unusual for a twenty-something to independently go and buy gifts for aunts and uncles.
That said, I do exchange gifts with my elderly aunt, but she doesn’t have children of her own so I am more like a honorary daughter to her. But she has very little contact with my brother, and he wouldn’t dream of buying for her or expecting anything in return.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/12/2017 16:20

We stop at 21.

Idontmeanto · 16/12/2017 20:13

I still buy for my nieces and nephews into adulthood. Chocolate and a tenner while they were students, nice bottles of wine/beer as single young things, just got a box of biscuits and ikea voucher for the one who is now setting up home with a partner. Their parents still buy for my, younger, children. When they start breeding I’ll buy for their offspring instead, though.

Sundance2741 · 17/12/2017 08:35

In our family we stop at the 18th birthday. That means no presents this year for my 2 eldest nephews but still going for the 2 youngest (one of whom will be 18 soon). It's a bit uncomfortable but we won't be seeing them this year until after Christmas and when present giving is over. That said we have no idea what they might want and have to rely on their parents to tell us. And often they don't know either as kids have nothing they want. When it boils down to vouchers or cash it seems pointless.

It kind of works for us as we have 2 under 18s (and none over) so aunt and uncle only have to buy two presents as well.

ferrier · 17/12/2017 08:39

Once they get to 18 they go into a secret santa with the other 18+ year olds. That way they still get a present but it's bought by a cousin as opposed to an aunt/uncle. I wouldn't be doing a stocking for any children but my own, no matter what their age.

beela · 17/12/2017 08:41

This is making me feel better. Sil decided a few years ago that we weren't doing presents for adults any more. Her eldest is 21 so I reckon this will be the last year for him getting a present from us (our dc are much younger than hers).

Having said that, I exchange presents with my aunt and uncle, and have done since I was old enough to buy my own presents.

BigGreenOlives · 17/12/2017 08:42

We do no gifts for over 18s & up to £20 for those under. Used to be up to £10.

wellhonestly · 29/12/2017 08:18

Oh dear, I am still giving gifts although 4 of them are over 21 now! None of them is earning much apart from the eldest, and two are still students. They all get a small cash gift of £20 each, I can't afford to give more as there are 4 of them plus I have two younger DNs I still give toys to.

I now find myself also giving a small gift to wives/ long-term girlfriends: how did that happen? tbh it is slightly irritating that none of them reciprocates with even a small gift now they are grown-up. I think in theory I would have stopped when they stopped being students but then it seemed odd to give some gifts and not others. Although I sound grumpy about the gift-giving, I do love them and I do want to give them a little something. I'm sure my own aunts/uncles stopped giving me gifts when I was 16 or 18.

elfieonshelfie · 29/12/2017 10:09

Extended family being cousins when they get to 18 no more prezzies.

Nephews and nieces I still get gifts or money but when they have children it will stop and only there children will have.

BigGreenOlives · 29/12/2017 18:44

We actually only stopped on one side as one of the SILs had so many nieces & nephews at one point & had the lowest disposable income. I think they had 10 to buy for with 4 of their own children. I bought everyone on that side token chocolate gifts this year, all identically wrapped so v easy to distribute.

WatchingFromTheWings · 29/12/2017 18:48

In our families, once you turn 18 it's a nice bottle of wine or a 10 pack of beer.

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