Let her go or not

[Shortstuff82]

My 14 year old teenager has been bullied for ages and started self harming and making herself sick after meals she is having help from the mental health eating disorder people but she has a sports trip to Holland that needs to be paid for now I have no objection to paying the money however she has to be watched after meals and weighed regularly.. If she goes on the trip with the School and the bullies start on her again or she relapses what do I do she has already said I’m like her safety blanket and she knows she can’t make herself sick anymore as I have to watch her after and whilst she is at school she has to be monitored by staff at lunchtimes she has to have snacks before sport also her behaviour has been shocking so rude to her sisters and gets a little physical with them pushing and shoving if she doesn’t like something if she doesn’t go on trip she will hate me forever any advice please

[FauxFox]

How long is the trip? Will there be a trusted and supportive staff member there to keep an eye on her?

[Youcanttaketheskyfromme]

What does she think about it ?

I realise this is hugely over simplified but eating disorders are often about control. Asking her what she wants/thinks would be best would be helpful.

Even if eventually you make a different decision talking it through with her and telling her why you are concerned might still be helpful.

[ihatethecold]

I would let her go.
As part of her recovery she needs to get some independence again.
I would liase with the school closely regarding your concerns.
I really can relate. My dd was so badly bullied a year ago that the police got involved and the bully was charged.
The long lasting effects of it are still ongoing.
Good luck. It’s a hard road x

[ihatethecold]

I would also be prepared to lose the money if she changed her mind closer to the event.

[Shortstuff82]

It’s a week long trip and the PE staff will be there however the staff at school let her do PE when she wasn’t allowed as her weight had not increased enough to allow her to cope with the amount of sport she is a PE gcse student and pushes herself to the limit and nearly passes out each time as she lacks the calories although its slowly improving it’s not a quick process I have tried to speak to her however it results in her getting so angry and punching walls or doors etc it’s so tough as I want her to go but I really am not sure she would stick to the rules her nurse has laid down as she does still twist an bend the rules or tries to thanks for your reply’s xx

[Flyingprettycretonnecurtains]

From a school perspective she is a safeguarding issue. They could refuse to take her and actually I think they should unless she can start to prove that she is eating regularly (at our school, a pupil who had similar difficulties was supervised for each snack and lunch) before she was allowed on a sports trip. I would err on the side of caution for all your sakes and say no unless you think she is on the road to recovery and this will be a goal to aim for.

[Whatthe24]

I think you need to discuss this with the eating disorders team and if she really wants to go it would have to be dependent on a number of conditions set out by the ED team. Certain weight, no vomiting for certain period of time prior, attending therapy etc. Also the school should be totally in the picture, risk assessed and on board. You would need to be prepared to loose your money.

[Sundance2741]

Agree - take the professional advice (meadical and from school) and then if she isn't allowed to go, she can't lay the blame for the decision on you. Think I'd be far too worried to let my dd go unless I has assurances from the staff accompanying the trip.

[Mistigri]

the PE staff will be there however the staff at school let her do PE when she wasn’t allowed

I have a teenager who has recovered from an eating disorder. If this were my daughter, I would be very unhappy about her going on a trip supervised by teachers who have shown themselves to be lax about safeguarding.

If you do pay for the trip you need to be prepared for the money to be wasted. I think you need to have a serious discussion with the school and with your DD's medical professionals before you pay anything.

[AJPTaylor]

i wouldnt pay.
her health and recovery are fragile.
she may not be protected from bullies.
she might scream and shout
she may well want you to decide for her she cant go
these are not mutually exclusive with any teenager