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Teenagers

In need of help and advice!

15 replies

smileybeck1 · 02/10/2017 20:17

Hi All,

I am new to this, but I am in need of some advice...

To cut a long story short, I am step-mother to a 12 year old. She lives with her Mum and has monthly visits from her dad (my husband) and daily phonecalls, as we live far away.

Over the last few years, her behaviour has been declining and this has resulted in it becoming a Social Services issue, since March this year.

To cut a long story short, Mum has been putting up with high levels of aggression, defiance etc, from her and this resulted in them deeming their relationship to be at breaking point as the child is always trying to take control of mum. It was decided that it would be best if my step-daughter went into the care of her maternal Nan and Granddad, as they lived closeby to Mum, whilst social services and support tried to help to repair their relationship. Mum has taken parenting classes and other courses to deal with challenging behaviour. The child has been excluded from school 4 times in the last month and has said that she is going to continue to act out, because she likes it.

My concern has always been that there may be something underlying and an issue that needs to be resolved and subsequently, she is about to undergo counselling. Social services, school, family etc. believe that the issue is that she is used to being in control and cannot cope with any form of rules/discipline - hence the exclusions from school.

We have all been working together to ensure that she is being positively reinforced when behaviour is good etc. however it just feels like for her, she gets more out of misbehaving. We have all worked closely with Social Services over the last few months, but nothing seems to be working.

She is verbally and at times physically abusive to family members. She has made false accusations about family members, which she later retracts - however she laughs and smirks whilst doing this.

It is absolutely tearing the family apart. Social services are understaffed and under resourced and we have been told that unless she is deemed 'unsafe' - which she's not, there is little we can do.

She isn't bothered about parental, school or even police disciplince. My husband works shifts and every 4 days has been travelling 250 miles to support the maternal family. However nothing seems to be working.

It is getting to a point whereby, she has had her grandparents in tears, Mum is to a point of hopelessness and it is really straining our relationship too. There is part of me that is almost resentful of the situation, but a bigger part of me that knows that the child is the most important thing and we need to do what we can to support her.

However, I feel at a loss of what to do next. There is definite need of some form of respite care, before the family fractures any more. For the last 7 months, we haven't slept properly, eaten properly, relationships have been breaking down - and although we are incredibly supportive of one another, we feel completely helpless, as there is nothing we can do - I feel like we have tried to target as many avenues as possible: Social, CAHMS, School, Parenting classes, GP, counselling. She has said that she is going to continue because she doesn't care. I am worried about everyone.

Has anyone been in a similar situation to this and if so have you got any advice on how to move forward?

Anything would be greatly appreciated, as we feel completely at a dead end and it's really starting to become detrimental.

Thanks in advance,
x

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pingu73 · 02/10/2017 20:30

What a nightmare!
She sounds completely out of control is there any psychiatric issues at all??