Loneliness DD12

[MotherBear22]

Last night I had the most heart wrenching talk with my daughter, (DD12). She is year 8 seniors, and whilst year 7 was rocky things seemed to have stabilized and calmed going into year 8. I was hoping this summer that the girls in her form and friendship group had matured slightly over the summer break.

But, sadly not so my daughter opened up about her feelings of being on the outside of this group, that they do not include her in things from conversations which they walk off as they need to speak privately about something that does not concern her, to arranging meet ups and sleepovers and specifically keeping in from her. There is so much more to this than just those two points, but I'd need a PDF to state everything.

Now, I know this sounds minor, but these girls have been my daughter's friends since pre-school, they have grown through Primary into as she thought good friends, I now they are all maturing and settling into their own skins as they say, but I just feel helpless when I see that they are just using her this way.

My DD does loads of other outside activities and is a very confident girl most of the time. But, she struggles with why they exclude her so cruelly, that she says she feels lonely even when she is sitting with them as she knows they are only acting like friends.

I know what my daughter is looking for, that bond of friendship where, no matter what, that friend/mate stands by you through thick and thin, but sadly that characteristic in teenagers seems to be lacking in this group of girls.

So, this Mum is asking how do we all handle these situations? I know if I swoop in and try and sort out this issue, she'll be criticised by the group even more.. I have never felt so helpless in my life... So if any of your mothers are facing similar situations, your thoughts and words would truly help this devastated mother today..

Thank you all xxx

[MrsOverTheRoad]

It's SO hard at this age. The only (thin) consolation I can offer you is that it will pass...and most of them go through it at some point.

Encourage your DD to step away from them and to branch out at school and try to make new friends.

Is she in any school clubs?

[Trying2bgd]

Agree with Mrs. In addition, speak to her form tutor and ask whether teachers can help by maybe mixing up seating arrangements so she can get to know other classmates.

[forcryinoutloud]

Ah Motherbear I felt my heart sink when I read this, it struck such a cord with me and how my DD (now 15yrs, year 11) has struggled over the years with other girls.

Firstly, and if you think it would help, please tell and reassure your (no doubt lovely) DD that there are other girls out there who feel like her. The girls at school do not pick on her for any particular reason other than that they are insecure themselves. If your DD was at another school they would find someone else to exclude. The behaviour comes from them not your DD. My DD too was always looking for that one friend who would be a true friend and stick by her, I am hoping at the moment she may have found at least one pleasant girl (she can't stand most of them she says!). My best advice to my DD was always to stay as strong as you can and be yourself and be pleasant and polite, find your own interests and with a bit of luck the right people will find you and vice versa. When anyone was being nasty I would say to her, that it is there choice to behave badly, it is nothing you have done (disclaimer, I am not saying here that my DD was never to blame for anything or an angel, I would always chat to her to fathom out if she may have not done things quite.

I understand about why you are hesitant about swooping, probably best not to unless it's targeted bullying that is getting out of hand. Ask your DD if she wants your involvement in any way or if she feels she is actually being bullied then would it be best to involve the school? Have you spoken to school about any of this to see if staff could keep an eye on things both in class and at breaks? Are there things she could get involved with at lunchtime so she doesn't feel so lonely?

When you chat to your daughter keep positive and tell her how wonderful she is and that these girls need to mature, girls this age often behave in these silly mean ways and hopefully grow out of it.
It's great that she has the outside interests and important that she keeps these up.

Please feel free to pm me if you wish Motherbear and I'll keep a check on your thread, take care and hugs for you both. Parenthood should come with a suit of mental armour if you ask me!!

[forcryinoutloud]

oops their choice it should read.

[MummaDeeDee]

Heart breaking 😭
Teen girls are horrid! Please speak to the school so these bullies can be dealt with. All you can do is be there for her and fight for her. Make a fuss to the school and encourage your DD to move onto nicer friends. Please know you are not alone (DDs teen years have been the hardest ever.