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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Camping trip not what I thought, DH not backing me :(

18 replies

LeanneA · 02/04/2017 14:05

DS is 16, came home from college Friday (last day before 2 wks Easter hols) saying some mates planning camping trip. Turns out, the venue is private woodland which specifically says no camping or overnight stays, and I was initially reluctant to let him go as there has been trouble there before. Mentioned to DH, he said DS said nothing to him and wait until he does. DS asked me today, if I can drop him near venue tomorrow on way to work ... I replied, you know its not legal to camp there (TBH I am prepared to let him try and if there is trouble, then not down to me being over-protective mummy ;) - he wants to be Mr Grownup so has to deal with consequences ). DS replied "Well I won't go then" I looked to DH to take up the challenge and talk to him, and he replied "If he has decided not to go, then thats solved the problem" and walked away ... It hasn't solved anything! DH failed to engage with the issue, DS online telling his mates he cannot come because mum won't let him (deep down I wonder if he really wanted to go anyway as didn't put up much of an argument), and I am left feeling like nothing been resolved and I am the bad guy here.

As I said, I was willing to let him go, take the rap if anything went wrong and deal with consequences, and DH has walked away blame free, with DS telling everyone I am an ar$ehole in not letting him go ... :( . Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:

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Floralnomad · 02/04/2017 14:09

I can't see what your issue is , you didn't say he couldn't go he chose not to when you said it wasn't a legal site . Can't see why your dh needs to get involved at all as he said he's decided not to go , end of problem .

titchy · 02/04/2017 14:10

Not sure what the issue is tbh. Other than there is no longer any issue! He asked, you said no, son said ok. Your dh wasn't part of that conversation and as it had already concluded it wasn't really necessary for him to jump in was it?

Or is there a bigger issue more generally with dh always playing good cop and you always being bad cop? In which post about that!

PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 14:16

You're overthinking it OP and your DH isn't.

PatriciaHolm · 02/04/2017 14:17

I don't see the problem? What were you wanting?

Heratnumber7 · 02/04/2017 14:17

DS is just using you as an excuse to his mates so he's not seen as copping out by them.
"My mum won't let me go" is much easier for him to say than "Actually chaps, on second thoughts Is prefer not to do anything illegal so I've decided to drop out of the camping trip"

TheCakes · 02/04/2017 14:18

Eh?!

Branleuse · 02/04/2017 14:20

there is no problem here

MrsJayy · 02/04/2017 14:22

Were you just looking for back up from him so you dont look the bad guy? Your dh did nothing wrong your stated the obvious to your son he decided not to go job done no issue really. Fwiw you probably did your son a huge favour

MrsJayy · 02/04/2017 14:25

I agree with a pp mum wont let me is a face saver rather than them saying i dont fancy it, it is something that has happened here in the past funnily enough about camping where they were not supposed to,

BackforGood · 02/04/2017 14:25

What Heratnumber7 said.
Not sure why any of this is an issue for you. Your dh hasn't done anything wrong.
There is no issue.
Move along to next problem.

MrsJayy · 02/04/2017 14:42

You dont need to do anything it will blow over say to your son well i didnt not let you go you made the decision not to go as it wasnt a proper campsite shrug and move on,

swingofthings · 02/04/2017 18:14

He used you as the excuse because he probably said he would ask his mum, or his friends are more likely to believe that it is you rather than his dad who forbid him. Who cares? Surely you are not after his friends' approval?

Jayfee · 02/04/2017 18:19

i always had to be bad cop

blueskyinmarch · 02/04/2017 18:24

Thing is though, your DS decided by himself not to go, not because you told him not to.His saying to his friends that you forbid it is just so he can save face. Your DH did absolutely nothing wrong as your DS had already decided not to go by that point.

DevelopingDetritus · 02/04/2017 18:28

Sounds like son was glad of the excuse not to go. Like you said he didn't put up much of a fight.

KateDaniels2 · 02/04/2017 18:30

Why would your dh need to back up the fact thats its illegal?

You pointed it out, ds decided not to gom problem solved. You weren't even going to stop him.

Your ds is the one telling people its you that wont let him go. He is lying. Be annoyed at him using you as an excuse.

Littledrummergirl · 04/04/2017 13:38

You're a parent - part of the job is being the bad guy. I would think that if your Ds gave up so easily then he is secretly relieved that you said no. Sometimes our kids feel backed into a corner by peer pressure and mum and dad saying no is their get out.

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/04/2017 14:02

I suspect there may be a few more drop outs now too - they were all probably waiting to not be the first one!

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